Overwhelmed

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Wendy59105
Wendy59105 Member Posts: 17
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I just got diagnosed with breast cancer last week. I am 44 years old and scared to death. No matter how much people say it will be ok, it is a very alone feeling. I had a little tissue removed two weeks ago, they were thinking it was just calcium.....yeah right, I should be so lucky. I am a stage one, which I hear is good, but I am fearful it may have spread to my lymph nodes, which is the next test. I also fear my current choice of birth control, depo-provera may throw off results in some testings....does anyone know any info on this? Also, how does a person get out of this horrible panic state and start dealing with this. I feel so alone....like my life will never be mine again...

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  • epgnyc
    epgnyc Member Posts: 137
    #2
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    Hi, Wendy. Oh, I remember so well that totally overwhelmed, lost, panicky feeling. Feeling you are being stalked by death, feeling your life is out of control, feeling caught up in the huge medical machine. I was diagnosed Stage I in 2002 and went through three surgeries, 6 months of chemo and then radiation. It wasn't a picnic, but I do remember that the first few weeks were the very hardest for me. After discussions with my oncologist and beginning treatment, I felt much more in control and better centered. Then it was more a matter of putting one foot in front of another until it was over. It wasn't easy, but honestly wasn't as bad as the horror that I'd imagined (I have a very active imagination!). I don't know anything about how your being on depo-provera might affect your tests -- be sure to ask your doctors. It's understandable that you feel alone and scared. You might want to see if there are any support groups in your area. In NYC, where I live, we have an organization called SHARE that offers free support groups for breast cancer patients and survivors. I found it to be enormously helpful in the early days of treatment since they had a special 6-week group just for women who had been newly diagnosed. Also, you've done the right thing by accessing this board. The women here are incredibly knowledgable, compassionate and understanding. We're in your corner! Hang in there....it does get better. Ellen
  • lindatn
    lindatn Member Posts: 229
    #3
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    You are never alone there are thousands of us who have been right where you are. The first weeks are the worst by far, hopefully you have someone who will go with you until you have it all figured out. Ask questions, the only dumb question is the one you didn't ask. You will be in a panic state until treatment starts. Write in a journal how you feel, sure helped me. Three years later I read it and had to smile so hopefully you will look back on this time as the worst in your life and you will be stronger for it and will smile. I would of chosen a different way to be strong but we have to deal with what is on our plate at the time. If you walk or jog do a bit more of it then usual, don't sit in the house and fuss. I took a vacation for ten days to sort out what I wanted done, chose a lumpectomy, had chemo chosen for me and of course radiation. Find out what treatments will be offered for the cancer you have. Ask about the treatments possible, then start studying what you think would be best for you. All of it is doable, none is much fun, but you will meet people along the route who are wonderful. When it is all over don't look back too often go forward. Will you ever forget you had cancer probably not, but after three years it is not the first or last thing I think about daily. We were showing dogs last week-end and I said to my husband when we were at ring side and I knew my puppy was going to act terrible, this is as bad as my first chemo treatment so we do think of it at the darnest times! Remember you are never alone God is always with you. Keep us posted we are all here for you. Read some of the old posts all of us were first timers at one time. Linda
  • cleva
    cleva Member Posts: 6
    #4
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    How I remember so vividly being told I had cancer...but it does get better. You are never alone...especially with the ACS and the CSN. The first thing you need to really do is concentrate on getting yourself well...make sure that you have someone going with you to the appointments to listen to what the Dr. says...this is really important because so many times I forgot. I am now three years out since being diagnosed and I have to say that when it comes time for the Dr. appts I panic. Please know that I'm thinking of you and ans sending positive energy your way.
  • Wendy59105
    Wendy59105 Member Posts: 17
    #5
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    epgnyc said:

    Hi, Wendy. Oh, I remember so well that totally overwhelmed, lost, panicky feeling. Feeling you are being stalked by death, feeling your life is out of control, feeling caught up in the huge medical machine. I was diagnosed Stage I in 2002 and went through three surgeries, 6 months of chemo and then radiation. It wasn't a picnic, but I do remember that the first few weeks were the very hardest for me. After discussions with my oncologist and beginning treatment, I felt much more in control and better centered. Then it was more a matter of putting one foot in front of another until it was over. It wasn't easy, but honestly wasn't as bad as the horror that I'd imagined (I have a very active imagination!). I don't know anything about how your being on depo-provera might affect your tests -- be sure to ask your doctors. It's understandable that you feel alone and scared. You might want to see if there are any support groups in your area. In NYC, where I live, we have an organization called SHARE that offers free support groups for breast cancer patients and survivors. I found it to be enormously helpful in the early days of treatment since they had a special 6-week group just for women who had been newly diagnosed. Also, you've done the right thing by accessing this board. The women here are incredibly knowledgable, compassionate and understanding. We're in your corner! Hang in there....it does get better. Ellen

    Thanks so much for the reply....you have no idea what it means. I have an appt. tomorrow and will discuss many things with the doc. This has gotta be happening to someone else! I pray the nodes are clean and I will just undergo some radiation. I am petrified of chemo and losing my hair, but I am sure all here felt the same. Thanks again for the kind words.
  • Wendy59105
    Wendy59105 Member Posts: 17
    #6
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    cleva said:

    How I remember so vividly being told I had cancer...but it does get better. You are never alone...especially with the ACS and the CSN. The first thing you need to really do is concentrate on getting yourself well...make sure that you have someone going with you to the appointments to listen to what the Dr. says...this is really important because so many times I forgot. I am now three years out since being diagnosed and I have to say that when it comes time for the Dr. appts I panic. Please know that I'm thinking of you and ans sending positive energy your way.

    Yeah, I am sure hearing you have cancer ever really goes away. Thanks for the response and the positive feelings. I feel a little better hearing from people who have been through it too!
  • Wendy59105
    Wendy59105 Member Posts: 17
    #7
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    lindatn said:

    You are never alone there are thousands of us who have been right where you are. The first weeks are the worst by far, hopefully you have someone who will go with you until you have it all figured out. Ask questions, the only dumb question is the one you didn't ask. You will be in a panic state until treatment starts. Write in a journal how you feel, sure helped me. Three years later I read it and had to smile so hopefully you will look back on this time as the worst in your life and you will be stronger for it and will smile. I would of chosen a different way to be strong but we have to deal with what is on our plate at the time. If you walk or jog do a bit more of it then usual, don't sit in the house and fuss. I took a vacation for ten days to sort out what I wanted done, chose a lumpectomy, had chemo chosen for me and of course radiation. Find out what treatments will be offered for the cancer you have. Ask about the treatments possible, then start studying what you think would be best for you. All of it is doable, none is much fun, but you will meet people along the route who are wonderful. When it is all over don't look back too often go forward. Will you ever forget you had cancer probably not, but after three years it is not the first or last thing I think about daily. We were showing dogs last week-end and I said to my husband when we were at ring side and I knew my puppy was going to act terrible, this is as bad as my first chemo treatment so we do think of it at the darnest times! Remember you are never alone God is always with you. Keep us posted we are all here for you. Read some of the old posts all of us were first timers at one time. Linda

    Linda, thanks for the kind words...that's my problem...sitting in the house and thinking about how awful chemo would be. I will try to get on my treadmill. Problem is also, I have been turning to the wine glass to alleviate my anxieties,,,,this rolls over into feeling like garbage the next day and I know I need to get strong for this. I do have a wonderful man who will stand by me through all of this..I am lucky. he is supportive and wants this behind us too. Thanks for your reply.it means so much.
  • nancys
    nancys Member Posts: 323
    #8
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    Hi Wendy, I replied to your email but just now read your post here. It is easy to write to you, "do not be afraid" but that is the best advice I can give you. Attack the information sites and research everything available, and talk to your surgeon and your doctor about everything you read. Make notes on your questions and their answers. This sounds like a new job and that is really what it is and a very important new job. I think the better informed you get, the less insecure you will feel. My family now calls me, "Nancy the Nurse" and they call me with questions about every ache and pain. I am a long way from being a nurse but I have studied breast cancer and other cancers in this past 5 years. Hummingbyrd, here on our site, is a medical professional and she gives very informed opinions and she also has a strong commitment to trust in GOD. Email to her with any questions you need answered and I know she will give you comforting advice. Big Hug, Nancy
  • nancys
    nancys Member Posts: 323
    #9
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    Hi Wendy, I replied to your email but just now read your post here. It is easy to write to you, "do not be afraid" but that is the best advice I can give you. Attack the information sites and research everything available, and talk to your surgeon and your doctor about everything you read. Make notes on your questions and their answers. This sounds like a new job and that is really what it is and a very important new job. I think the better informed you get, the less insecure you will feel. My family now calls me, "Nancy the Nurse" and they call me with questions about every ache and pain. I am a long way from being a nurse but I have studied breast cancer and other cancers in this past 5 years. Hummingbyrd, here on our site, is a medical professional and she gives very informed opinions and she also has a strong commitment to trust in GOD. Email to her with any questions you need answered and I know she will give you comforting advice. Big Hug, Nancy
  • mssue
    mssue Member Posts: 242
    #10
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    Hi Wendy,
    I am sorry that you are having to go through this-it can be very taxing on your mind and body,you aren't alone though.Just make sure when you go to your doctor visits to take someone with you,4 ears are better than 2.i've been meaning to post this information about TLC-just found the book again go to www.tlcdirect.org, it is affiliated with ACS they have a great selection of hats , wigs , scarves and bras and such.I don't know about anyone else but when I started losing my hair the last thing I wanted to do was go into a store and try on wigs or hats.If you find out that the treatment you are going to recieve causes hair loss - prepare yourself ahead of time.When mine started coming out I shaved my head-didn't want to wake up and it all be on my pillow.My most difficult thing was trying to keep my head warm in the winter-ha-ha I slept in sweater hats and such.It was a year ago August since I quit wearing my wig,it tickled to have the wind blow on my hair in the beginning-now my hair is as long as it was before.

    You need to take extra special care of yourself-everything will seem to come at you from all directions,but if you get proper rest and have a good diet and exercise regiment you will fare better in the long run.It's alot to go through -just take one day at a time-stop and breath-and be good to yourself.Keep us posted !
    I'll keep you in my prayers.

    ((hugs))
    Sue
  • Twinks56
    Twinks56 Member Posts: 37
    #11
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    Wendy,I agree with everything that everyone has said.We are all here for you.This is like my extened family.It is always easier to talk to someone that has been there and can identify with what you are going thru.It has been 2 1/2 years since I was dx and I remember it very well.I came home ,went to my room and cried and then prayed and I felt better.There was a class put on here by the local chapter of ACS called LOOK GOOD,FEEL BETTER.It was just a few hours and they helped with how to do make-up and different ways to wear hats,scarfs and wigs.I had so much fun in there.We were all going thru the same thing.My oncologist told me to eat jello,take zinc and vitamin C and my hair would not fall out so bad and he was right.He is also balding and I asked him why he had not used his own advice.He just laughed.It helps to have a sence of humor ,altho at first it may be had to find.Let us know how your appointment went and I will keep you in my prayers.Teresa
  • tlbarker5
    tlbarker5 Member Posts: 1
    #12
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    Dear Wendy,
    My wife is turning 49 this year and was diagnosed with cancer in July of 2004. Sometimes it still seems like a dream and the "This can't be happening to us" kicks in. The best that you can do is surround yourself with the people that you love that give you the positive feedback. My wife and I have heard the horror stories and most of them are very rare cases. Keep a positive attitude! That is a big part of getting you through the day to day. Pray and ask for comfort and strength. Prayers do not fall on deaf ears even though we may think it most times. This helped my wife, every day say to yourself "This to shall pass". Read Phillipians 4:13 in your bible and believe it with all your heart. If you go through chemo and lose your hair, look in the mirror and say to yourself "I'm one hot mama" and believe it! Our prayers are with you.

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