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Somewhat Upsetting News

markatger's picture
markatger
Posts: 315
Joined: Feb 2005

Hi alll,

I hate to be a bearer of bad news, but here it is. I had some scan results today I was not expecting. I was dx in Feb 05 with rectal cancer with liver mets. I had 4 rounds of FOLFOX + Avastin which shrunk mets in half. I then had 6 weeks of radiation and 5-FU. I had a PET scan done on Monday in preparatoin for rectal surgery at the end of the month. I was hoping the met would be completely gone.

The liver met is not gone, but has re-grown and is larger. Was very upsetting news to me...wasn't expecting it at all... Some good news though is that there a no new mets, so surgeon is still talking about a cure.

But.... ARGGHHHHH!!!!!

I am just very frustrated and scared and upset. I read here about other stage IV people whose treatment is focusing on their liver. I wish I had gotten more than just 4 treatments of FOLFOX plus Avastin before downgrading to only 5 FU while on radiation. Now I am not going to be on any chemo for another month and a half while having rectal surgery done....the surgeons at my hospital say they are not comfortable doing rectal and liver surgery at the same time. So my liver tumor is will have free range for about 2 and 1/2 months. And then who knows if the FOLFOX and Avastin will work on the second time around. Maybe the intial 4 treatments was just enough for the cancer to mutate and now it will be resistant. Better to have just killed it while it was dying with more treatments. My team of doctors were always like oh ... we have to take care of the rectal tumor....oh we should do radiation before rectal surgery so the bowels will funciton better....well it doesn't matter if my bowels are functioning if I die from liver failure.

UGH....yes I'm ranting and complaining and angry... very upset.

Sorry ...
Maria

steved
Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2004

It is so hard to take these set backs after what initially seemed like such good progress. It really is the hardest part of all this- seeing things improve and then getting the slap in the face when the illness fights back. Mentally I cope fine as long as things progress in the right direction- but when things go wrong I really struggle. The illness has put you in an impossible postion to knwo what is right to do. Any decisions you and your team make about treatments have risks associated and that is really hard to accept.
The other thing I remember well through out all the treatment phase is the wondering about 'what ifs'- what if I had had a diffferent treatment, what if I had gone to the doc sooner etc. They eat away at you and prevent you from being able to look forward clearly. Allow yourself some time to go through this as it is inevitable that you are going to be confused and angry. Then try and gather yor thoughts together- even writing them down- and try and get some order to how you want to think about moving forward. Try to allow th past to be just that- your past and something you can't alter. Then hopefully you can again focus on what is important- fighting this illness in the present and planning your future whta ever it holds.
It is all easier said than done and just now it is improtant jsut to allow the natural emotions th flow. Just remember this is a set back and not the end of the fight. You will get back up and fight again- after all you have been through there is still more in you yet. Come here to vent and offload all you need and we will be thinking of you.
Steve

rthornton's picture
rthornton
Posts: 346
Joined: May 2005

Steve really wrote all the things that I would have said, so there is no need for redundancy. Every bit of your frustration is very understandable, and I know that I would feel the same way. But I am looking at the words in your message "so surgeon is still talking about a cure" and it of course means that there is still a lot of reason to have hope and optimism. Sure, after hearing that the liver met is larger it's probably hard to be optimistic, but there are no new mets and there are still options for treatment. Have they ever talked about radiofrequency ablation? My surgeon has mentioned it as a future option for me.

Whatever happens, I wish you the absolute very best! Think of me as your stage four male cheerleader.

Rodney

Kanort's picture
Kanort
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi Maria,

I am so very sorry to read your post, and I certainly understand your feeling upset and scared. Do you feel comfortable with your medical team? Perhaps, a second opinion might make you feel more comfortable with your treatment plan.

Please know that you are not alone. We all care deeply about you. Please keep us abreast of your situation.

Thinking of you,

Kay

livin
Posts: 319
Joined: Jan 2003

Iam sorry to hear the upsetting news. I understand how you feel. I have been given disappointments many times through out my battle with this disease. I have learned to sit back (try to) listen to my options, PRAY and go from there. I also try not to let my guard down and just fight. Before my last CAT Scan I said well if things don't work out I will continue to fight no matter how hard it maybe. This last Chemo was really rough for me I had to take breaks due to sickness but I made it. I hope better news to come just keep the faith. Livin

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Maria. As a stage 2 it is not my place to comment but just the same Jen and I try to keep aware of the plight of our friends here. Know that we have you in our thoughts and prayers.
huggs, kanga n Jen

taunya's picture
taunya
Posts: 392
Joined: Jul 2002

Dear Maria,
Along with Ross, I can't help with ideas about treatment (mine was a Dukes A or stage 1). I do want to say that I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.
I don't think Doctors use the word "cure" very often (even in my early stage) so if they are still suggesting it, it must be possible!
Try to hang in there and don't lose hope.
Love & Hugs,
Taunya

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Hi Maria,

I don't have time to read everyone's posts so sorry if I repeat anything alread said. I should be packing for my trip but had to pop in her and try to get up to speed....

My best advice would be to contact scouty since she WAS stage IV rectal with a tumor that dropped out of her rectum after she started juicing. Her mets went away too.

If that isn't convincing I don't know what is!! :-)

JUICE JUICE JUICE JUICE!!

Don't worry about the chemo or no chemo or not enought chemo since there isn't anything you can do about that.....but you CAN get that juicer fired up and fill your body with optimal nutrition and feed your body at a cellular level so it can kick some cancer butt!!

I am sorry you have this "set back", but allow it to give you the resolve to go full bore on the nutrition aspect. Because THAT you can control!! EMPOWER YOURSELF!!

Put that anger to work. Then let it go.

Praying for you daily.

peace, emily

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