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Very Depressed Father

Posts: 166
Joined: Jul 2005

My father just had his "medport" put in. Chemo starts next Monday. He seemed optimistic before but now he is very depressed and says that he does not think he will make it past the beginning of next year. (maybe this is a normal reaction?...it's not anything the doctors told him)
He has CC mets to the liver (1/3) both lobes.
The doctors said they are going to give him some very strong chemo. I know he is not looking forward to that. He had chemo in 1993 and 1996 for colon cancer. Remission for many years.
I am trying to think positive about everything. I know it's easy not an easy road that most of you have been on but after reading all the NED stories it brings me my only hope to the grim statistics.


taunya's picture
Posts: 392
Joined: Jul 2002

Dear Sue,
Those numbers are ONLY NUMBERS. They do not apply directly on a case to case basis. This is a tough business, no doubt about it. We all experience the fear and frustration that goes with the reality of our own mortality and unpredictability of this disease. That said, as long as you can fight there is always HOPE. It takes courage and support to fight this, both mentally and physically.
Don't give up yur faith and hope. It can get very difficult, but there are many success stories as well.
I am sending you both hugs and hot tea. I will be thinking of you and your Dad.
Love and Courage,

nanuk's picture
Posts: 1362
Joined: Dec 2003

Remind your father that he is a survivor; he survived in 1993 and 1996...it is easy to dwell on the negative aspects of this disease, especially when we are caretakers. Keep your sunny side up-damned the statistics..he is fortunate to have such a caring daughter. Bud

Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2004

Your father's reaction iis a very normal one that many of us here can identify with. In the early stages after diagnosis (or rediagnosis in your father's case) almost any emotion is normal. The psycologists talk of going through a grienving process with being given such news and describe stages of depression, anger, bargaining (maybe if I do this it will be okay), denial (not really happening) and finally acceptance. I certainly don't think we all go through them all or in some particular order. I also feel that for some there are other emotions and stages but the bottom line is that your father will go through different emotional states on his way to getting his head around this process of being diagnosed with what could be a terminal illness- one of the hardest things to ever adapt to psychologically.
Do just be there for him and use your instincts as some one who knows him well as to how to reacct. Some will want to talk about the problem, some may wish to talk about anything but the problem and some don't want to talk at all. Keep an eye out for the depressive symptoms persisting beyond several weeks and if they start affect other aspects of his life eg losing appetite, waking early int he morning, low energy, loss of enjoyment etc. If these start to be a featurea nd persist he may be becoming clinically depressed and need some help to deal with that. Unfortunately, depression is common in these situations and often under diagnosed as people put it down to a normal reaction.
just be available to you r dad in these early days and do let us know how things progress. He sounds like a fighter and one with a few rounds left in him yet. Do make sure you look after yourself att his time too.

kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Sue. All that Steve, Bud and Taunya have said is very true. No doubt your father has "been there, done that" already and now he has to face it again. My guess is that being told they will be very aggressive with his next chemo has put your dad on tenderhooks and he is probably living in dread of the next rounds...perfectly understandable and I would think a pretty normal reaction.All you can do is continue to give him support. Depression is a pretty crappy thing and it takes a hold of us all at some time or another. Sue, I never slept well for months as many here know. My doc called it depression....I called it fear of the unknown and what the future held. I guess that if you can be aware of the times he gets really down...lay on that bit of extra loving. Sue..look after yourself too. The more positive you can be the more it will rub off onto your dad.
Keep us updated, huggs, kanga n Jen

Posts: 166
Joined: Jul 2005

Thanks to everyone who has shared their positive thoughts....it helps more than you can imagine......

Posts: 183
Joined: Jul 2005

Hi Sue, my dad is stage 4 colon cancer and has had 6 chemo treatments. After 6 treatments they said his tumor shrunk and he is still quite depressed. He wont leave the house and doesnt want to watch tv and he makes my mom get every little thing for him. We tried to get him to go on anti depressants but he wont. The side affects for him is he is very very tired and weak. He has fallen a couple of times after chemo. He has a port and gets chemo for 48 hours. The key is drink lots and lots of water, when he doesnt drink lots of water he gets dehydrated. He also drinks gatorade. Anymore questions please feel free to ask. Mindy

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