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Another Update

Btrcup's picture
Posts: 287
Joined: Jun 2004

Hi all, I just read the sad news about Judy. My heart goes out to her family and friends.

Scott is back in the hospital. They cannot control the vomiting. He is now down to 122lbs. He is so depressed and I don't know what to say to him. When I was speaking with him on the phone yesterday, I broke down crying and that made him real upset. But I can't help it. Our wedding song (Everything I Do...Bryan Adams) comes on the radio and I break down. I begged him to talk to the social worker at the hospital yesterday because I really believe he needs to express himself.

Throughout our time together (15 years) he's always been the type of person who does not want anyone to know his business and worries about what other people think. I'm the complete opposite. I don't worry about what others think...if they don't like me because I don't have alot of money or don't live in the neighborhoods they do, then they're not worth my friendship. He tries so hard to please everyone else. I know he has alot on his mind and I cannot begin to imagine what's going through his head, but I really want him to talk to someone.

Sometimes he would come here and read some of the posts, but he would never get on the boards himself. I've printed out some of the emails of encouragement you all have sent, and he enjoyed reading them.

Sorry I'm rambling again. I've been doing this alot lately. Well gotta go, kids are starting to fight.

Love to all,

2bhealed's picture
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001


thank you so much for coming and keeping us updated. It really means alot to hear how one of "our own" is doing--no matter the outcome or the crisis at the moment. We want to know.

I really hope Scott will find it within himself to share because I know the frustration of wanting to know that too. I sooo wanted my sister to spill her heart with me--to tell me her fears or her desires for her 5 month old baby. I just wanted to know what she was thinking. What she was going through. But she was very private about it. She never "got her affairs in order" at all and it drove me nuts. My other sister had to remind me that this was her death and she got to make the decisions on how it was going to go. And all I could do was watch helplessly by the sidelines.

Anyway Linda, I understand your frustration and I feel for you and Scott. Who do YOU have to turn to where you are? You ALWAYS have us, but do you have someone close there in person who is holding YOUR hand?

As always, you both are in my daily prayers.

peace, emily

Posts: 719
Joined: Feb 2005

Hi Linda,

As ever, I am so sorry for the pain and frustration that both you and Scott, and your entire family, are going through.
People are so incredibly different in there styles of communication - even at a time when we think they can or should break through barriers and begin expressing themselves. I am sure that Scoot feels incredible guilt and frustration at the thought of leaving you and the children. The fact that he has gone from provider and head of household to someone who cannot funtion on his own is huge for an ego....I think even greater for a male ego. When you were cryng he probably felt responsible.
I wish that there was someone for him to speak with as well....And it is hard to slow our thinking to a point where we can handle the big picture as well as the craziness that is happening hour by hour.
I truly hope that there are a few people with whom you can talk with....and that you also have quiet time with Scott - just to be by his side and maybe allow both of you to have some stillness and calm.....to remember the love and companionship which brought you together and sustained you through these difficult times.

Praying for much needed quiet time for you both.

alihamilton's picture
Posts: 348
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi Linda, I am so glad you are still able to post as you are in my thoughts and prayers so much. I can imagine your concern over Scott's emotional state and I am sure there are loads of things going through his head right now....fear, guilt, etc. that he would like to express. But as, Maura says, not everyone can communicate their feelings and I agree that just to be with Scott right now is the most important thing you can do. What an incredibly hard time you are having...you are so brave and utterly amazing! No wonder you cry often and easily...that is to be expected. Do make sure you get all the support you can for yourself...Scott is being looked after by the doctors but you also need nurturing to help you through this.

Praying for you both,


Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

Hi Linda. Hi Scott.

I, along with the others here, am so sorry that Scott is having such a difficult time. As are you.

This must be so painful for you. I wish we could just make all the pain go away.

I,too, echo what Em, Maura, and Ali have said.

Scott must deal with this situation the way he feels comfortable. We all have a little sense of what he is feeling, but not to the degree that he does. This is happening right here, right now, to him. To you. To your family.

I would keep trying to get him to talk to you. But, I would also be there just to hold his hand, if that is what he wants. ( which I'm sure you already do)

I do hope you can talk to someone also. The social workers are there for you, too.

Thank you for the update, Linda.

You and Scott are always in my prayers.

God Bless.


Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

Linda, this article may help you.



Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

I'm sure you know how to copy and paste the link, but it took me forever to figure it out.

So, just in case:

You click and drag (right) over the link to highlight it. Then left click to bring up the menu. Hit copy. Then go up to your address bar and left click on it. It should highlight and the menu should pop up. Just hit Paste and click on go.

Barb ( who is still pretty stupid when it comes to computers )

kerry's picture
Posts: 1317
Joined: Jan 2003


I can't put into words any more than what has already been said. I can tell you that you will be in my prayers and thoughts as you go through these tough times.

We will always with here for you and Scott. I wish you and he both the strength to get through all you are having to deal with.

Let us help you.



Posts: 425
Joined: Jan 2005

Hi Linda:
All the other posts have such great encouragement and advice but I just would like add- try to find some quiet time with Scott and let your hearts be at peace by sitting quietly...you may find that instead of talking Scott may find it easier to write in a journal to detail his feelings and fears- or even bring him a tape recorder- so he can talk...
When a dear friend of mine was loosing the battle with liver cancer she made a tape for each of her kids (recorded in private) and that became a treasured life line for her family-

My prayers are for both of you and much more time together. Thank you for sharing with us.

jsabol's picture
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Oh Linda,
I am keeping you and Scott and your family in my prayers; you are so strong. When my dad was in hospice, it was comforting for both of us to sit and hold hands. He was always a man of few words, and when people are very sick physically they withdraw into themselves even more. Scott may not have the strength to contemplate all the things you are worried about.
I hope that you do have access to the social worker, or someone who can listen to the thousand thoughts and worries that must be crashing through your head.
I wish you both strength and peace. Judy

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