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"ICKY" tip o' the day

tkd3g
Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

OK Let's cut thru the "crap". We all know why we are here. No one likes it, "butt" there is something we can do to help. So get off your "keister", put down the "rump" roast and "buns", and join me.

Let's give some tips that really help our fellow semi-colons. ( and their "posteriors")

Without being too much of an "***" or too icky, what are some helpful tidbits that can ease our pain, discomfort, anxiety, whatever?
We can say anything here ( within limits ).

My tips: When the "arse" gets sore from frequent trips to the "porcelain god", I recommend A & D ointment. It heals, and goes on painlessly. I use a surgical glove for application. Apply a nice amount. Be careful, though, spots may appear on the outside of your clothes in the "fanny" area. ( I use it at night and just lay on a towel.) NOTHING I've used works better.

So, in "hind" sight, I hope this was a helpful post.

Please add your " not at the dinner table " helpful tip.

Barb ( forging "potty talk" at all costs )

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2599
Joined: Apr 2003

You know, Metameucil will help cut down on the number of trips to the bano. Although it's frequently used to help folks go, in our case it tends to have the opposite effect.

Thanks for the tip on A&D - look out Mexican All You Can Eat Buffet!!!

- SB (as in Senor Burrito)

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

If you "must" go out shopping, doctors, hospital etc. ad-nauseum, it is worthwhile remembering that in bygone days, using newspaper while visiting the outback dunny or "long-drop" as we used to call it over here.........has changed little. Now we long drop into the porcelain. My point?
Well.....back in those good 'ol days toilet paper was not always used(grandma couldn't afford it).....so the newspaper was the usual substitute cut into 3 inch square strips and hung on the dunny door va a piece of wire. Nothing has really changed except now we use so-called "easy on the bum soft tissue". The thing is that at home that is fine....we get to choose. But when we leave the comfort of home and need to visit a public amenity the "good old standard still survives!"....namely, toilet paper that is still hard as nails, shiny as the preverbial babies bottom(or my great uncles bald head) and hurts like hell if you suffer the "burnin' bum syndrome".
Solution????........always carry some moistened baby wipes...preferably some moistened with Aloe Vera. I won't name the brands here 'cos you all have different stuff over the briny.
Absolutely nothing worse than using public utility supplied arse paper!!!!

Of course for all those who have a bag....have pity on those of us who keep poking our fingers thru the real poor quality stuff....he! he!

.........brought to you courtesy kangathongs "world of trivial pursuit"
.....must rush now....nature calls!

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2599
Joined: Apr 2003

Speaking of "homespun" toilet paper... here's one for you; When I was a wee lad I often visited my great grandparents. He was an old farmer from Kentucky thence Indiana. They didn't have indoor plumbing. We used corn cobs as toilet paper. I'm sure some folks have heard the old phrase "rough as a cob" - that's where that term came from. Talk about your diaper rash! Woof!

Anyway, since we're "sharing"...

When do we sing Kum Baya and have our group hug?

- SB

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

A really healthy way to clean out the ole pipes really well while also making you more regular even if you have had rectal surgery and are dealing with a smaller pipe is to take probiotic capsules. If your pipes are really nasty, you may have some diarhea the first few days but after that initial cleansing you will be amaxed at the results (Lisa Rose can attest to that). The one I take is called Megaflora and can be found in the refriderator section of any health food store or healthy supermarket like Whole Foods or Earthfare.

Probiotics actually provide the good bacteria your bowels need. Yogurt only contains one kind, while a good supplements contains all the ones that your intestines need.

Some of the benefits:

Helps your body to properly digest your food and absorb vitamins and other nutrients. The manufacture of certain B vitamins (niacin, B6, folic acid, and biotin). Enhanced immune system activity. Helps to digest calcium. Production of antibacterial substances that kill or deactivate hostile disease causing bacteria. Anticarcinogenic effect since probiotics are active against certain tumors. Improved efficiency of the digestive tract. Reductions of high cholesterol levels. Protection against radiation damage and deactivation of many toxic pollutants. Recyling of estrogen, while reduces the likelihood of menopausal symptoms and osteoporosis.

The only warning is to consult your doc if you are currently taking antibiotics because it can impact the absorbsion of the antibiotic but you can take it as you as you finish your prescriptions (very important since antibiotics kill off bad and good bacteria, as most women know).

Other then a possiblility of diarhea at first, there are no other side effects since it is a natural supplement. Follow the directions on the bottle for usage.

Lisa P.

nanuk's picture
nanuk
Posts: 1363
Joined: Dec 2003

Since we are deep into my favorite subject-(toilet talk) There is an excellent soothing ointment for sore bums..Calmoseptine Ointment-it was magic when I was dealing with post surgical pain where the sun don't shine. www.calmoseptineointment.com
Just had a funny thought..while singing *** Baya, instead of hugs the semi-colons could bump
bums..says a lot, Huh?

radsie's picture
radsie
Posts: 4
Joined: Jun 2005

This is my first time posting here but have been a lurker for a while now. I hate to say it and I never thougth I would, but I actually miss having the sore "arse" from having to use the facilities way too much. I have the pouch to deal with, so the quality of the paper now longer matters, but I can recall the days when it did. Thanks for allowing me to share.

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

I like the bun bumping idea.....it reminds of one time after a sate goverment employee had taken advantage of a corporate bank account (back when they could) by drinking way too much and my boss made me dance with the ole drunk. He bumped me so hard one time, he knocked me into the bands speakers and my elbow busted the big cone in the middle of the speaker. No, I was not drinking, not with those rowdy customers,!!!!

We will have to find a place in Vegas where we can bump....but I am NOT dancing with any drunks!!!!

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2599
Joined: Apr 2003

Well, there goes my chance to dance with you...!

CAMaura
Posts: 719
Joined: Feb 2005

Lisa....you'll be the only one sober....or maybe you and Em. But we will be happy drunks.....how is that??

Hey, talked to a Colondar-girl this am...the numbers are clinbing from their site.....but i would suspect that they will be drunk as well.

chellesandell
Posts: 12
Joined: Jun 2005

After a first day of the radiation and chemo trip to city with Mom I can only say how refreshing! It is so nice to smile! I think I actually giggled!! I am actually looking forward to the good bad & ugly posts and wanting to see how everyone is now. Thank you for making newbies feel welcomed.
Chelle

CAMaura
Posts: 719
Joined: Feb 2005

Giggling is GOOD!!

aspaysia's picture
aspaysia
Posts: 257
Joined: Nov 2003

You win, Barb! Nine synonyms for bum and one for toilet. Bravo!
I got tired of my roomates making sublte references to the odour emmanating from my bathroom when I am in there doing the nasty dance (shaking the **** out of my glad bag)
The phrase 'courtesy flush' was used along with the idea that we should scare up some clothespins (not so subtle)
Both hands are required to push all the pudding into the commode (my oncologist wants me to make pudding) I decided to start burning incense while talking on ther big white telephone.
Now the place smells like a rose or lavender, sandalwood, patchouli... and everyone in the house knows what I have been up to when that zen-like aroma wafts up from the bottom floor.
Aspaysia, who slathers A & D ointment on her feet.

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hey....welcome to Chelle and Radsie. If you continue to come here you will soon discover that being anal retentive misses the plot totally on this site. There is plenty of serious stuff but there is always room for general banter and humour. Personally I try to keep to being serious because no-one laughs at those of us on the "bottom" of the world. (Australia) If I try to be too funny I may find myself becoming the "butt" of all jokes.
Oh.......and there are more gals on here than guys so us fellas gotta watch our mouths.
'cept Sponger of course....he gets away with anything..maybe 'cos he's single????cheers, kanga....oh....n Jen too.

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Hey don't let this happen to you....

Make sure there IS toilet paper in the stall when you enter. I learned the hard way one time when I was at Mayo for a colonoscopy. Hubby and I were walking around the local mall when my prep "kicked in" and I HAD TO GO NOW!!. I went in there and did my duty (doodie) and lo and behold there was NO TP!! Eegads. Courtesy flush done, there I was with no wipe aid. Panic. No one next to me to request a little pass under. And you know how it is when you're taking the prep. Your hinder is a mess. Just know that this girl scout was happy that she carries a bandana in her bag (usually). Dang. And it was my favorite color too.

Well.....it wasn't pretty but as long as we are sharing sh*t.....just thought I would give you the heads up to check first before you let fly.

peace, emily who drives her kids nuts asking them about their BMs Maaaaom! EEEWWWW.

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