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How do I go on without Mum???

Posts: 2
Joined: May 2005

My Mum was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in July 2004. They tried resecting the affected lung, and couldnt, then she went thru massive doses of radiotherephy and chemo before Christmas. She seemed to be doing Ok, tho she had lost an awful lot of weight and was having trouble with eating.
Mum had a bad bought of pnemonia and was put in hospital via ambulance on Friday 15th April as she was having trouble breathing and was getting very distressed. She was only working on part of 1 lung now, the affected RHS lung had been confirmed to have collapsed again, and the LHS lung also appeared to be filling with fluid. Mum was deemed not fit enough to survive a draining. Unfortunately Mum was abused by some of the nursing staff and we arranged to have her moved to Cabrini Malvern on the following Friday, the 22nd of April. The move exhausted Mum, and the prognosis was changed from 2mths-12mths to 2wks left by Monday (Anzac Day) We all had a scare on late Sunday night, as Mum's breathing had gone extremely laboured, and they thought she might have only hours left and the whole family was called in. I had spent a few nights in the hospital in the previous week, with Mum, and from that night, I only spent a few hours away from her side, coming home for a change of clothes ect. Mum's Dr suggested her moving to the Hospice in Prahran, as Mum really wasnt being moved enough, or having the extra attention she needed, now being completly bedridden. She would also be able to have her loved Cavalier King Charles Spaniel to come in and visit her at the hospice. Mum eventually agreed to be moved. The prognosis changed again to just a few days left, after the move to the hospice, on Thursday the 28th of April. When we got the Ok that Mum had a bed available in the hospice, I left Mums side to go and wash her dog. One of her sisters had stayed over with us that night, and she stayed with her. I got to the hospice with Dad and the dog a little after 1pm...unfortunately, Mum was in sooo much pain, that she was asleep on morphone, and I never saw Mum awake and coherrant again.
A 1am Friday the 29th of April, Mum was confirmed to be unconcious by the nursing staff...4am i was woken by a change in mum's breathing, it was full of mucous noises and very laboured, her whole body moving to try to breathe. I couldnt go back to sleep, and I sat up with Mum, nursing staff coming in often to give Mum drugs to help with the breathing and her comfort. At 7.30am, Mums Oncologist came thru to visit and confirmed that Mums condition was not likely to improve, and she would be likely to die a sometime that day. Soon after that, Mum's breathing got very quiet and shallow. At 7.55am...My Mother passed away peacefully, with me and my cousin at her side.
We had Mums funeral yesterday in the same church my parents were married in, and the church my Grandparents (Mums parents) still attend. There were about 150-200 people that attended, and I delivered the main part of the eulogy.
I dont know how I can go on from here...I am totally and completly lost and have no idea on how to greive this huge loss in my life.
Mothers Day is also this Sunday...and I dont know how I am going to cope.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me??

Posts: 1
Joined: May 2005

Hello Furrballz, I have just registured on this site so I am very new at this. I lost my Mom on April 6,2005. I feel we might have alot in common with our losses. One is we have lost our mom's(mums)around the same time. My mothers birthday was April 28th. She would have been 75 years old. That day was a real hard day for me. We were planning a big birthday party for her and of coarse we did not get to celebrate. All I could think of that day is what it would have been like if she were here and what all of us would be doing that day. Yesterday was the first month of her passing. Tomarrow is Mothers Day! This will also be a very hard day for me. I have two brothers, one is older and the other is younger. We, with our spouses were with Mom to her last breath. I am thankful the hospital she was at was a good one. They were all so kind and thoughtful though our sorrow. I am so sorry you had to see your Mum in so much pain and discomfort. That had to be so hard for you to watch. The sad moments of watching my Mom passing away is something that will always be in my mind. My Mom and I were very close. She was my best friend also. My Mom was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in March 2004. She went through two different kinds of chemo treatments. The first one she didn't loose her hair. The second one she did. Her hair did come back before she passed away. Then she went through radiation. She went through the chemo fairly well. The radiation seemed to make her weaker. She also lost alot of weight and trouble with eating. The death certificate said cause of death was heart failure,pnemonia and lung cancer. The mornings and the evenings seem to be the worst part of the day for me. I try to take each day as it comes. By not thinking to much of any other day than the presant. Only time is the healer of our pain. Their will be stages we will be going through. The first stage that I feel I have just gone through is the shock of the loss. Even though we knew she was not going to beat this battle of lung cancer. Now I feel I am going through another stage now. "The, it's real that she is gone." The reality of that seems so hard to handle. Talking of your Mum to others will help. It keeps her near you.

Posts: 2
Joined: May 2005

Hi Kathy,
Thanks for answering...I am also new to this site. You are right, we do seem to have alot on common.
I am shocked (and in some ways, not) by the reaction of some that seem to think i need to 'just get on' with life and not pause to reflect what Mum meant to me and how I readjust with life without her!! I am still off work, and am not sure when I will go back...possibly late next week.
I am sick of people asking me 'are you feeling better yet'?? like I had the flu or something...Mum hasnt been dead 2wks...so NO I DONT feel 'better' yet!!
Thanks for reading...

Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2004

i lost my dad to lung cancer the 11 of feburary we burried him the 14th i don't know how i am going to go on i have been very depressed. and i miss him a lot and a i have a lot of questions. if you would like to talk about it with me plz e-mail me at vanessagill141@yahoo.com thanks and i will look foward to talking with you

Posts: 19
Joined: Feb 2005

I am truly feeling your pain. I lost my mom and best friend in1995. I was very fortune to be her caregiver for the 3 months she was ill. We laid in bed together expressing her saddeness for me because she lost her mother when she was 17yr old. She knows the hard loss of a mother. For months after her demise, there wasn't a day that went by that I drove place where she and I had been and most very memoriable times. Tothis day, I still dream vividly of her, Ihave felt her presence twice. We only have one Mom, thank God. The pain and hurt are excruciating. It takes a long time for the pain to subside. Tears still flow easily. Her death was peaceful to her due to her faith in God. I hope most people find such pease and exception to their demise. Best of luck adn talk about her. Jeanne

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