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Overwhelmed Caregiver/Full Time Working Mother

Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2005

My husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer last August, had surgery and has been going through chemotherapy and radiation therapy since. I work full time and have two young teenage children. I am overwhelmed with all of these responsibilities and the worry about the side effects of the treatments and the outcome of the treatment. Is there anyone out there dealing with these same issues? I know you just do what you have to do but would be nice to hear from someone who has the same issues.

Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2005

My first husband died of the same cancer in May of 1987. At that time I had 4 children at home. The youngest 4, oldest 12. So many emotions. I too worked full time. He went through chemo and radiation for over a year. My youngest daughter used to go with him to the hospital while he got his treatments. I watched him die and there was nothing I could do. Night after night and day after day I spent in the hospital room. One night I came home and asked God to take him. I just couldn't do it anymore. God did not take him then he knew that I had more of my journey to walk through. I would dream about his death, perhaps preparing for what was inevitable. My children were farmed out to either relatives or friends. I remember everything after all these years. I even wrote poems. Please let me know if you want to talk. I do know what your feeling. I've been there. May God Bless You and give you strength.

Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2005

My father is here with us in the north east from florida. I have a 2 year old and know how you felt. I am also over-whelmed with juggling a home and a young child with a sick father. But I too need some support. I feel I am always giving of myself and have nothing left at the end of the day for me. I am trying but it isn't easy. Do you have any suggestions?

Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 2004

My husband has Stage IV kidney cancer and despite treatment, is terminal. Juggling accompanying my husband to doctor appointments/tests, working full-time, taking care of our 10 year old daughter and everything else, is very stressful. It's very difficult watching this once healthy, productive man deteriorate very quickly. I feel so helpless but I am committed to being there for him to the end. We, as caregivers, can be very strong when we have to be. I have to admit, though, that I've seriously neglected myself in the meantime. I am working on taking better care of myself and taking time for the things I enjoy doing. Continue to be strong, lean on family and friends for support and help. I have found that sometimes they want to help, but don't know how to approach you. Just ask them. . .

Posts: 73
Joined: Mar 2005

Here I am! Mom was diagnosed with colorectal in August too. Done chemo/radiation/tumor removal/met to liver, now nodes and 2 spots on lungs. I had a break down on the colorectal page last night. You might check there if you want to hear more of my issues. I am an only child-32 years old. I am married so I am out of the house, but I live next door to Mom and Dad which is a blessing....I don't think I would be sane if I was in the house. When Mom has a bad day...I see her and then I have a bad day. I am encouraging and supportive and try to focus Mom on the fact that is will be over one day...this is not FOREVER! You need to realize this too...what is your husbands condition??? any metasis???? I worry about my Dad..he has never been much for conversation...he never talks about it much and when he does, he is very hopeful. Financially, this is starting to hit them. I will be here to chat if you need to unload...this is terrible!!!!!!!!!Dee

Posts: 1560
Joined: May 2006

Hi, I hope you are doing well. It's the 1st of May now and I see you wrote your message on March 16, I pray everything is going well with you. I dont know where you are at this stage with your husband's illness, but I do want to let you know that others ...many others...are experiencing and have experienced that same overwhelming caregiving, I watched my mom caregive my dad and within 5 years, I had to caregive my mom. I know now that there is a great need for volunteers to help with the caregivers themselves. A couple of hours, a home-cooked meal, a quart of ice-cream, whatever little means one can give to a caregiver so that they can be cared for also. There is so much a caregiver does and a little relief, no matter how tiny, is the greatest of blessings a caregiver can receive. Please, allow yourself to breathe. Take in a movie, go for a walk, sit outside and feel the cool breeze, take an hour to shop, take a refreshing bath, whatever it takes for you to take time for yourself, without guilt. If you have no one to help, maybe you can call your church and ask for a loyal and trustworthy church member to come sit-in for you while you take an hour or two for yourself. Again, my prayers for you and for all who caregive and who are suffering from cancer. Thanks for listening. Sylvia

midniteoil's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2005

God Bless all of you! This is SOOOOO hard and I understand your pain. I have put my life on hold too, and it is hard. I have cancelled all my own appointments, and this is just stinky. I think it is about time we all take a little time for us each day, even if we don't have it. It's a tough road, and the only way to get down it is by healing yourself, before you can help others.

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