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Hello Everyone!!!

bsrules
bsrules Member Posts: 296
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hello There to all my friends!!!

I am doing about the same. I have been trying to keep busy. I am just taking one day at a time!!! The past couple of weeks could of been better.

You all will be happy - I took your advise and went to the support group meeting last week. I have to say that to be honest it was very rough!!!!

I drove down with my mind in a spin, when I got to the front door I frooze. I couldn't get myself to go inside. It was held at the Hospice office and looking in the door I could see all of there equipment and it all slammed me right in the face. I was standing outside so long that a police officer came up to me as if I was trespassing. I started to freak out. One of the social workers heard us and came out and saw me. She just happened to be the social worker that Bob had. She handled the situation and managed to get me in the door. I just sat there not wanting to be there or to say anything. Unfortnately there were only a couple of people there so I thought I was being put on the spot. I managed to get through it but I know now that I am running away from dealing with Bob's death. They want me to come back for at least 3 visits before I make a decision as to continue coming or not. I honestly don't know if I can take it. I know that I must deal with Bob's passing but I don't know how. I do the things that I have to around the house as a job to be done so I don't think about Bob not being there to help me.

This past week was really hard being Valentine's Day and also my birthday on the 14th as well. Bob always made that day VERY special!!

I hope that everyone is fighting with everything that they have!!!! I did make some Dr. appointments for next week. I will be losing my health insurance and I promised Bob that I would get checked out before that happens. I am not seeing a gastrologist yet. I will be seeing a new GYNO ,after about 8 years, as mine retired. Also my primary for a complete physical. I will let you know how things go.

Please, everyone take care of yourselves!!! I think of you all often. I was going to post the other day but I just wasn't in the right frame of mind.

Just remember that even though I haven't posted I think of all of the special friends that have helped me through the worst year and a half. I know that you guys will continue to help me!!! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my wonderful Bob!!!! I am still waiting for a sign from him to help me. I guess he is as I am still here!!!

Love, Best Wishes, Prayers, and Hugs to everyone!!!!

Love

Sue

Comments

  • JKendall
    JKendall Member Posts: 186
    Hey Sue! It's good to hear from you!

    I can only imagine how you felt walking up to that front door for the support group, but what a sign of strength on your part. You may not realize it, but I'd be willing to bet that Bob had his hand on your shoulder, gently coaxing you to go in. You could have very easily just turned around and gone back home, and felt guilty and miserable later, but you didn't! That was Bob!! He's lending you strength now.

    And those fond memories of Valentines day and birthdays...Bob is with you in your heart and spirit, sharing those memories with you. You're not alone, and those days will continue to be special, quietly special, every year for the rest of your life. You may feel sad at first because you miss him so much, but the sadness will be melted away eventually with warm, reassuring memories. Just like Aspaysia's flowers growing out of the snow...it'll make you have the same "crazies" she's having!

    Try to keep up with the support group, it may all be part of a bigger plan for you to help others later as they go through the same experiences you've faced. Some day I could be there, asking you how to cope...

    We all hope everything goes easily for you.

    Someone I know gave me a postcard with some very encouraging words on it:

    "When you come to the edge of the light that you have, And take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, You must believe that one of two things will happen: Either there will be something solid for you to stand on, Or you will be taught how to fly." (author unknown)

    Stay strong, don't look so hard for Bob that you look past him, and celebrate the good life you had together. Let us know how you're doing.

    Jimmy
  • alihamilton
    alihamilton Member Posts: 347
    Hi Sue,
    It is so good to hear from you. I think about you often. Jimmy has said everything so eloquently, there is little I can add. He has said it all!

    It is still early days for you and Bob is right by your side watching you as you cope with life without him. He is surely proud of you.

    Hang in there!

    Love, Ali
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565
    Hi, Sue -

    So good to hear from you again. Your last statement about waiting for a sign from Bob reminded me of a joke;

    A blonde (sorry, it's just that sort of a joke) was saying her prayers one night and ended by asking God to please let her win the lottery.

    When she didn't win she asked God in her prayers te next week to let her PLEASE win the lottery. Alas, she didn't win again.

    The next week she prayed "Lord I have been asking to win the lottery for tree weeks now and I have yet to win. Have you forsaken me?"

    Came the exasperated reply from Heaven; "First you've got to BUY a lottery ticket."

    Like Jimmy says below and like I stress in my euligy poem, Bob is all around you, you just have to look for him and take that leap of faith to believe he's there and you will see his presence. I agree, it was Bob who guided you to meeting and Bob who is keeping you going back. Remember, Sue, there is no such thing as coincidence. Coincidence is when God decides to remain anonymous.

    Keep on living strong, Sue. We're always here for you.

    Peace

    - Bob
  • bsrules
    bsrules Member Posts: 296
    spongebob said:

    Hi, Sue -

    So good to hear from you again. Your last statement about waiting for a sign from Bob reminded me of a joke;

    A blonde (sorry, it's just that sort of a joke) was saying her prayers one night and ended by asking God to please let her win the lottery.

    When she didn't win she asked God in her prayers te next week to let her PLEASE win the lottery. Alas, she didn't win again.

    The next week she prayed "Lord I have been asking to win the lottery for tree weeks now and I have yet to win. Have you forsaken me?"

    Came the exasperated reply from Heaven; "First you've got to BUY a lottery ticket."

    Like Jimmy says below and like I stress in my euligy poem, Bob is all around you, you just have to look for him and take that leap of faith to believe he's there and you will see his presence. I agree, it was Bob who guided you to meeting and Bob who is keeping you going back. Remember, Sue, there is no such thing as coincidence. Coincidence is when God decides to remain anonymous.

    Keep on living strong, Sue. We're always here for you.

    Peace

    - Bob

    THANK YOU EVERYONE!!

    I signed on early today for some help. As I read your replies to my post I started to cry as I always do but you guys always seem to help me deal. I know Bob is around!! I keep thinking of the poem that you gave me that I red at Bob's service. Every time it rains, snows, sun or wind I look up and say hello to my dear friend and companion. It has help me through some of the roughest moments!!!!

    If you guys could only know how much I appreciate you accepting me on this sight now esp. since I was a caregiver and can't imagin what all of you are going through.

    Thank You all from the bottom of my heart!!!

    Love and prayers always!!

    Sue
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565
    bsrules said:

    THANK YOU EVERYONE!!

    I signed on early today for some help. As I read your replies to my post I started to cry as I always do but you guys always seem to help me deal. I know Bob is around!! I keep thinking of the poem that you gave me that I red at Bob's service. Every time it rains, snows, sun or wind I look up and say hello to my dear friend and companion. It has help me through some of the roughest moments!!!!

    If you guys could only know how much I appreciate you accepting me on this sight now esp. since I was a caregiver and can't imagin what all of you are going through.

    Thank You all from the bottom of my heart!!!

    Love and prayers always!!

    Sue

    Sue -

    We're like the mafia and the Marines: Oncea Semi, always a Semi. I'm afraid you're stuck with us.

    - SB
  • jana11
    jana11 Member Posts: 705
    bsrules said:

    THANK YOU EVERYONE!!

    I signed on early today for some help. As I read your replies to my post I started to cry as I always do but you guys always seem to help me deal. I know Bob is around!! I keep thinking of the poem that you gave me that I red at Bob's service. Every time it rains, snows, sun or wind I look up and say hello to my dear friend and companion. It has help me through some of the roughest moments!!!!

    If you guys could only know how much I appreciate you accepting me on this sight now esp. since I was a caregiver and can't imagin what all of you are going through.

    Thank You all from the bottom of my heart!!!

    Love and prayers always!!

    Sue

    Hi Sue, I agree with everyone. You are wonderful and will have Bob with you forever. You are NEVER alone. (and you have us too).

    I want to wish you a belated happy Valentines and Birthday.

    Come to us anytime. As a friend told me once, "it makes me feel so much better when you allow me to help you." Same applies here, thank you for sharing with us and giving us the chance to try to help others... doesn't get any better than that!

    take care, jana
  • grandma047
    grandma047 Member Posts: 381
    bsrules said:

    THANK YOU EVERYONE!!

    I signed on early today for some help. As I read your replies to my post I started to cry as I always do but you guys always seem to help me deal. I know Bob is around!! I keep thinking of the poem that you gave me that I red at Bob's service. Every time it rains, snows, sun or wind I look up and say hello to my dear friend and companion. It has help me through some of the roughest moments!!!!

    If you guys could only know how much I appreciate you accepting me on this sight now esp. since I was a caregiver and can't imagin what all of you are going through.

    Thank You all from the bottom of my heart!!!

    Love and prayers always!!

    Sue

    Hi Sue, I sent you an email, Hope you got it, You are such a strong person. Bob will be with you always. You have been such an inspiration to me,
    Love ya, Judy(grandma047)
  • aspaysia
    aspaysia Member Posts: 250
    You are very brave to go to group therapy. The worst is over after taking that first step. Now you just have to show up and be there. Tell them if you do not feel like talking - you are a Jersey girl!
    Did you see the snowdrops in the expression gallery. I posted that picture for a joke. I have been out in the yard for weeks swearing at those bulbs. Bob was probably wondering who that woman was down there turning the air blue and invoking his name. "Commmon, show yourselves! Do it for Bob and Sue."
    I will post some more pictures of the the promised Winter Chasers soon.
    Stay with us. It can only help that you express your feelings here. And you do it very well as you seem to have a lot of insight about your experience. It helps us to hear from you.
    Aspaysia, who has a blue thumb.
  • taunya
    taunya Member Posts: 390
    Hey Sue,
    It is good to 'hear' your voice. I am glad that you took the time to post. I am sorry that you are going through such a tough time. This is bound to be difficult no matter when you deal with it, so now is probably the better choice. You are already on the path as Bob's passing put you there and it is up to you to take the next few steps. I wish I could do something to help you. It will be painful but it has to be dealt with for your own sake.
    I think the support group sounds good but the location is a bit awkward(sp?). I understand why it would be hard to go to that particular place for the meetings.
    Are there any others in your area? Is it possible for you to meet at a different location? I hope you will continue to go and try to share your burden. Know that we are all thinking of you and praying for your happiness.
    Love,
    Taunya