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hanging in there

Posts: 28
Joined: Jul 2004

Hi, thanks for all the encouragement. I try really hard to think of one day at a time one session at time, but sometimes when I feel icky all over after the chemo it seems to get me down. I go again this week for my 2nd time the 48 hours yes it is hard because I feel like a carved up turkey with 2 operations, port replacement, etc., we are dealing with the spot on liver, and lining of stomache, when they reconnected my colon they were gonna do a liver resection to remove the spot but since I had spots on lining of stomache they just did the reconnecting and said to do chemo again, it is frustrating to never know if going through all this is there a good outcome, I try not to give up hope thinking in long term etc., but sometimes it gets tough, the hardest part is being a single mom 4 adult children 1 lives with me the baby she is 24, that now they can not tell me their problems or anything they are going through, because they don't want to stress me out.I am the only one that has been in their life they could count on, so it is really hard on them. 2 of my children live here in same town 2 out of state. This whole disease has not only affected me but them too, it has changed everything in my life, took away my independence, of being able to do anything I want, work, etc., so yes there are somedays that are harder than others. I do try to do a one day at a time routine and thank god every day for giving me this day and the strength to make it through.
Again, thanks for all your support I will talk to the doc this week about all the diahria, and tingling I have had to see if I can get at least some ease with it. thanks again karen.
P.S. I keep telling myself I am glad in the long run I do not have a relationship I don't think I could handle the stress of that:)lol I like to be alone in time of pain and not feeling good. So Happy Valentines to all of you my knew family:)

Posts: 26
Joined: Jan 2005

There is no easy answer for this lousy disease we have gotten..And yeah, it sure as hell is tough, but you've got to try and stay positive and keep fighting, otherwise, things will certainly look grim.

I thought I was headed to remission and its grown on my liver, futhermore, its grown more than they told me, I'm going to have a talk with my doctor about that on Monday...

Whats getting me is either I feel shitty because of the chemo, or I feel shitty because of stomach cramps...Does this ever change, or is it just welcome to the world of colon cancer...

Plus I'm sick of it, I'm sick of doctors visits, I'm sick of having cancer, I'm sick of hearing about cancer, I'm sick of feeling sick and I'm sick of being in the same damn house day after day after day...I keep thinking, ****, I could be gone in 2 years, I should be out doing everything I want to do, I really want to go to Sequoia and check out the trees, but either I'm feeling too lousy, or my wife has to work all the damn time, which is another issue in and of itself....Today I said, if I'm gone in two years, I dont think you are going to say, damn, I wish I would have worked more....didnt go over well, but thats how I feel...

Then I come back around and think, its better to be alive and feeling lousy, than not here at all...I keep fighting, I keep trying to stay as positive as I can, but sometimes, its like will it ever fvcking end...will I ever feel better again???


Posts: 24
Joined: Jan 2005

This cancer thing is so infuriating, and I know how angry it can make you, but there really will be better days ahead. Easy for me to say, because I feel like a human being again. A year ago I felt like sh...t. Never dreamed I would be digging trenches and shoveling rock, like I did for 7 hours today, for Habitat for Humanity. Today is great.........who knows what tomorrow will bring. I am just grateful for everyday that I don't have to feel like crap and have an IV stuck in my chest.

I know how you feel about being stuck in the house. It's been 8 months and I still haven't painted my bedroom and changed the pictures on the wall like I said I was. Looking at those same walls day after day, when I felt like crap, was excruciating! I plan on painting those walls, soon!

Ativan was a real life-saver too! It really took the edge off my anxiety and anger. It just made getting through the day so much easier.

Take care and keep up the good work. Someday it will be a mere memory. You'll forget all the yucky stuff!

God Bless,

Posts: 120
Joined: May 2004

Hi Just me Amy. I know the good feelings & the bad ones too. My husband works all the time, well he says how ya doing but I really think it is just a common word now... Not genuine feeling of like "how are you" not to dog on him , it's just his way, Idon;t get cuddleed at night , morning or weekend! and I hate that. He is a good guy but doesn't know how to comfort me at all.And that hurts. he says i ***** to much, welll hell I am not well, I am good & do alot but **** never mind....
I understand you pain really, i get miminal support here, yeah they ask how I feell but that is it no duties , chores , oh I nedd a break sooo bad, and I just may do that cux i get a 3 weeek repeive from chemo, God bless & go get em

Posts: 259
Joined: Nov 2004


Yeah, one day at a time, that's my slogan. Last night I was feeling really lousy on my chemo and I kept thinking, well, this moment is bad, but it's really not unbearable. Somehow, it helps.

I keep mentioning that for the tingling I've been taking an amino acid called L-Glutamine which is available at health food stores. A friend's oncologist recommended it and my oncologist also said it was okay to take. I drink one teaspoonful in a glass of water three times a day. I have no idea if it helps or not because I've done it since the beginning of chemo, but it's colorless and tasteless so there's no downside and my tingling has been something I can stand to live with.

Tapioca pudding is my new food of of choice for chemo. Very mild and soothing.

My heart goes out to you watching the stress on your kids. Mine are 13 and 16. I keep thinking that I never had to watch my parents be vulnerable in this way, and I would do anything for my kids not to have to go through this. On the other hand, I'm proud of how strong they have become. It's not all bad for kids to have to learn that life can be like this.

Happy Valentine's Day, Karen. I wish you strength and healing.

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