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Cervical Cancer at 31

Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2005

I was diagnosed with cervical cancer (adenocarcinoma) this past Thanksgiving and had surgery during Christmas break. I am 31, single, and am trying to cope with the fact that I won't be able to have my own children. I am a Kindergarten teacher so right now it is a little painful to work. My family seems to think I should be over the "cancer scare". I only had surgery six weeks ago...where do I start healing? I am amazed at how cancer takes your self-esteem and leaves you feeling unsexy...I used to feel like a hot little tart! How do I get that back?

Posts: 2
Joined: Jul 2004

I had a hysterectomy for cervical cancer in Aug 04. It has now been 6 months and I finally feel my energy is back to normal. I am upset/angry about my loss of fertility and just starting to deal with that. I did want to have a child this year. I have some reccomendations that have helped me. I would love to talk to you. Perhaps you can email me. Thanks for writing because I have been wanting to talk to someone in my situation. Jackie

Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2005

Jackie and Sherry, I can't believe I found you! I feel like we were sent to each other. I am 36 and I have finished my radiation, chemo and internal radiation for adenocarcinoma 2.5 weeks about. My hysterectomy is two weeks from Tuesday. My husband and I got the diagnosis while we were going through fertility treatments so imagine our shock when we our path took a 180 degree turn.
Sherry, Please share more how you are feeling. Your cancer was not just a 'scare' as your family calls it, it was the real deal and you are entitled to your feelings. Not only have you survived cancer but you raise a great point about being single and facing the fact that you can't have kids. That is something we all, married or not, have to come to grips with and deal with for the rest of our lives. So, please Jackie share your secrets. I lost my father to Pancreatic cancer nearly 8 years ago and went through therapy to deal with that loss. I have started up again with the same therapist to help me cope with this. Since you have both been through surgery can you tell me a little about it? All my best.

chrisaw's picture
Posts: 18
Joined: Nov 2002

Finally- people who understand! I'm 2 years out and am sitting on the fence about whether or not to look into adoption. I'm 31, so all the friends are having kids, etc. Would love to chat!

Posts: 2
Joined: Jul 2004

I am glad to see we all have common situations. I have had 2 follow ups with the oncologist and remain cancer free. I am actually more depressed and anxious now because recovering from surgery I didn't allow myself time to grieve. I felt I had to keep up my strength to survive. I am disheartened by the cost of adoption and surrogacy and also the lengthy process. How unfair. All my friends practically have children and all my siblings as well. One way I have dealt with this is by writing my feelings in poetry. I founded Poetic Voices of Cancer and hope you all will visit the site: poeticvoices.org I find it hard to keep up with my full time job and don't have the energy and enthusiasm for it. Yet I need it for income and health insurance. I would love to hear from any of you so we can support each other. I do go to a support group and that helps a lot. Thanks for your messages. Jackie

nkern's picture
Posts: 37
Joined: Apr 2003

Hi, I was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma in March of 2003, had a hysterectomy with 31 lymph nodes removed in May of 2003 and so far have been very lucky. I desperately wanted more kids, I was blessed to have had a child when I was 18 but that pregnancy wasn't exactly the happy time that most people have. I was 17/18 and alone. When I was diagnosed with cancer I had been divorced for about 2 years and had found the man of my dreams. I was so excited about life, so happy that I had found someone who wanted more kids. (My ex-husband didn't want kids). Then came the cancer diagnosis. I was told that I needed to make the choice between being there for my existing child or possibly being able to have another child. It has been almost two years, I still grieve for that lost child, I still cry and sometimes like tonight.. I still talk about it. I have 3 friends who have all had babies in the last month. So if the question is - Does it get easier to handle the grieving....yes because you "get used to it". Do you still miss the child? For me it's everytime you I someone holding a baby. It does get a little easier. I try very hard to think that God must have something in mind for me that didn't involve that baby and that maybe I am needed somewhere else. It is tough but we are cancer survivors we are exactly that TOUGH!! My hope for you is Godspeed in healing the scars on both your body and your heart.

Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2005

Dear Sherry,
I to had the same thing you have(Adenocarsoma. I have been in remission for five years now. Things will get better. You have to let yourself go through the the changes that was made to body. I will be praying for you. Just know right now you don't see the light for all the darkness but, there is light it is just going to take a little while to get to it. Write me back if you have any questions. Maria

Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2005

i am so incredibly sorry for your loss.(and to me it is a great loss, whether u had kids or not, i think that makes the loss even greater) and as far as what everyone else "thinks" u should feel is irrelavant,to me neway. as im sure u have beentold numerous times ---time will heal-- in my opinion time doesnt always heal, but does EASE the pain. you must b a wonderful person, if ur a teacher in the first place. im not a "holy roller" by no means, but i do have strong belief in god. and i know that if u have faith (as hard as it maybe at times) he will see u threw it all. im a 32 y.o. single parent and found out a few days ago that i have cervical cancer and must have some sort of radical hysterectomy, soon. i always planned one way or another to have just one more. but, thats all different now. i am so greatful for my son. (even though i wasnt finished) and im very scared as far as the cancer part goes. i hope i didnt make u feel worse talking about the child i do have. i wish u the very best. i do truely believe that "HE" DOES have a plan for us all. i would love to hear from u, if u need a friend. tonya

Posts: 1
Joined: May 2005

Hi Sherry, I too am single and unable to have children. August marks my 4 year anniversary after treatment. My family also wants me to "move on" now that the cancer is treated. I am still struggling to move on. My job was replaced by a temp. My disability and unemployment have since run out. I still haven't really dated and it just plain sucks. I am scared about dating again. I don't feel sexy anymore. I used to have a great drive. I am seeing a therapist and taking hormone replacement drugs but things are not the same and they never will be. All the loving has gone out the window and now my parents are angry and frustrated because I still haven't found a job. My Mom wants me to join singles clubs. She keeps telling me I am wasting my life. I love my family but they just don't understand and are creating more stress.

Posts: 1560
Joined: May 2006

Sherry I want you to know that you are not alone. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at the age of 27. I am now 30. I also have no children. I have the man I love dearly and I'm unable to bear his children, so I feel your pain. Please feel free to contact me if you need to. Sometimes talking to others in your position helps a lot. I also need someone to talk to that relates to my pain.

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