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I Need a Shoulder.......

Posts: 33
Joined: Jan 2005

Saw the oncologist today. THe three small spots have now grown to numerous tumors all through out both lungs. Surgery is not an option so my only hope at this point is the chemo........! I think I'm losing my mind......I don't remember much after the word "several" and "no other options". Could you all please say a prayer for me and help boost my moral a little? I've cried, I've gotten really mad and now I'm feeling nothing. That's just since the doctors visit.....
I hope you all are well.....God Bless You All.....

Posts: 26
Joined: Jan 2005

Dear Griff,

Dont give up! I'm 37 and was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer that spread to my lymph nodes and liver...I thought I was so close to being done, and friday was told the cancer on my liver has grown..on to chemo round 3..

I'm pissed, I'm angry and I'm scared...I feel tired of being sick and tired of fighting with no end in sight, but there is really no other choice but to continue to fight on...I know its tough, I've been crying every day since friday, but you have to do everything for you and try and take it one day at a time...Trust me, I know, it aint easy....but dont give up...There are hundreds of people just like us on this site who can relate...

God Bless you and keep in touch.


Posts: 259
Joined: Nov 2004

Griff, I'm so sorry to hear your news. One of the hardest things about cancer, I think, is that the doctors know so much and so little. They can see all these tumors, but they can't tell you for sure what will happen. Unlike those people in the passenger trains in California who had no idea that some maniac was going to park his car on the tracks and end their lives. I feel like we're constantly watching the train head for the collision, but that doesn't mean that we know that it wil hit.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer my doctor dropped the bombshell and bolted from the room as soon as possible. Then a nutty nurse who had never met me before stuck her head in and said, "I am an alternative healer on the side. What you need to think about is magenta. Magenta is a melting color. Magenta will melt the cancer and then think about blue. Blue will rinse it away."

Well, everyone to whom I told this story wanted me to get off my bed and slug her at that point, but on my end, I kept thinking, well, I could think about cancer or I could think about magenta. Which one would I prefer?

So try thinking about magenta (I did it by breathing deeply, in with magenta, out with blue), just to get yourself through this first unbelievably awful period, and meanwhile, we'll help you get up the strength to keep fighting this thing. Because you're not at the end of the story yet. You know that from reading this site. People do fight back from Stage 4, a minute, an hour, a day at a time.

Posts: 120
Joined: May 2004

Hello Griff, I feel for you man, I remember the first time I heard "you have cancer & have to do chemo" I sunk ! ME No way, well you have been there & back and I might not be able to say what you need but Damn get pissed, go ahead, you have been there & back, so hang in there as screwball as it sounds, (people say that to me) SO we do & will! God Bless you & you are strong and My thoughts are there w/ you. WE hate it butwho knows. Better days O.K.

kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hey Griff....yu got my shoulder for as long as it takes. I remember when I was 1st dx'd..hell..my life fell apart. I am fortunate in that I am now 1 year in remission.....but I know this may change. As a male, I thought I could "tough it out" without showing my emotions. Then the nurses at the chemo clinic one day said to me. "Hey Ross, you are looking well but not happy with your progress?" I confided in one of them and said that I was scared shitless....me a "macho male!"...or so I thought I should be that way.
Griff......it is fine to be scared..it is fine to cry...and it is definately fine to tell us how you feel!!!
If you need to, talk to a clincal cancer phsycologist. I did and he was a great help. Words are never enough Griff but every bit of help is worthwhile.
Our prayers and love to you, kanga n Jen

Posts: 185
Joined: Feb 2004

Griff, Know that feeling of despair myself. When I was diagnosed with rectal cancer at the age of 36, and had 3 young kids, I cried every day, got mad every day, yelled at God every day, puched the walls, every day. Sounds like you calm down a lot faster than me! I have a friend who is going through almost exactly your scenario. She is doing so well on chemotherapy, and it has greatly reduced the size of her tumors, allowing her to teach full time again. She is totally enjoying life, except for the day or two after chemotherapy every other week. Just take things a week or two at a time for awhile. And make sure to laugh at anything you can. Adam Sandler in "Waterboy" made me laugh even though I was neck-deep in Post traumatic stress depression after finding out about my cancer. Find a tonic and get through each day with at least one moment of joy. We are here for you.

spongebob's picture
Posts: 2599
Joined: Apr 2003

Griff -

Plenty of shoulders here. Lots of good advice, too.

I have a friend who is/was just eaten up with cancer - liver, lungs, wrapped around his spinal cord, well, you get the picture. He has been on a new chemo regime and is actually starting to make some advances on the dragon. Don't give up, Griff. Get mad at it. Kill it. Chemo, naturopathic, mental imagery, anything you can find to kill the dragon. Failure is not an option.

We're here to help you keep your sword sharp and anything else we can do to help you in your fight.

Go get 'em.

- Sponge

Posts: 238
Joined: Sep 2003

Dear Griff,

My heart aches. This cancer brings so much sadness, despair, anger. I hate it with all my being (and I'm really not a hater, more of a hugger and kisser). Cry, scream, be sad, get mad, but don't forget to be happy. It may be impossible today or tomorrow or the next day, but everyday will get a little bit easier. I promise. THIS IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE. I had 20 tumors removed in the fall and the scan sees at least 10 remaining. I'm very much alive and well. I know the though of numerous tumors is paralyzing but how do you feel? Surgery may not be an option but there are endless others for the both of us; irinotecan, gemcitabine, oxaliplatin, Xeloda, 5FU, IRESSA, erbitux, avastin, vaccines, radiofrequency ablation, isolated lung perfusion, stem cell transplant, complementary therapies (not my domain, but Emily or scouty could help)... There is so much HOPE, so much hope. I crawled into bed and planned on staying there till I died when they said 15 lung lesions. I'm doing fine more than a year and a half later. THANK goodness I pulled myself together. Imagine I had let myself lay down and die? I would have missed out on so much... At this very difficult time, you and your doctor will have to put together a feasible plan and ATTACK. Cancer is mortal. We can beat it in so many ways. Refusing to let cancer rob you of your life is beating it. WE CANNOT LET IT WIN.

I hope your pain and despair eases soon. Let hope in to soothe you. Do something that reminds you that you are alive and well. Do not let your mind wander. If you want, set aside half an hour everyday to think cancer thoughts, but not more than that. And for the rest of the day, just focus on being happy.

Thank you for letting us be here for you. I'm thinking of you and we will get through this. One day at a time!

All my love,

Anonymous user (not verified)

Griff, my mom was diagnosed with the monster beast of inoperable lung cancer almost three years ago at 69. Not a good outlook by all the statistics and doctors....5 year chance, virtually almost non existent...three year chance, about 11%....two year chance, about 21%. Well guess what, she's here today and doing all right. It will be three years in August. Chemo has done wonders for her. It killed her original tumor and although she has had a flare up since that time or new nodules in her lungs, three out of the five were also axed by chemo, the other two remain stable.

While there is no cure (medically known at this time) for my mom, she continues to live a good quality of life....even went for two months to Europe last October and had the time of her life while off chemo and stable (as most folks on this board will recall).

Hang in there and don't give up the fight. It's a tough fight, I know, but the so well worth it.


grandma047's picture
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Griff, I can relate. I don't know at this point if I'm stage 3 or 4. The CT scan they did wasn't clear. Too much scarring from previous surgeries and radiation. I am doing the FOLFOX4 chemo. Just started last week. Don't know if it will work or not. Praying and hoping it will. But....I will never give up. So, don't you give up. It's not over, till it's over. We must fight with all we have. For ourselves. For our loved ones. For everyone who will get cancer in the future. What we are doing now will help them too. I will be praying for you. Keep coming here and talking with us. We are a family and family cares. Feel what you have to, each moment. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and KEEP FIGHTING!!!!!
Love and prayers, Judy(grandma047)

2bhealed's picture
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Hi Griff,

Please do not give up.

There are two books that I highly recommend for you at this point:

A Cancer Battle Plan by Anne Frahm

She was sent home to get her affairs in order and discovered a regimen that healed her cancer.

When Hope Never Dies by Marlene McKenna

She was given 6 months and no treatment options. She discovered macrobiotics and lived. She wrote the book some 10-12 years after her dx.

There are plenty more I recommend but start with those.

There is MORE hope than just chemo.

I did not do any chemo, but I can tell you there are so many options out there that you haven';t even exhausted yet!!!!

Cancer Options by Richard Walter

You can find these books at Barnes and Noble.

And while you're at it check out:

Beating Cancer with Nutrition by dr. Patrick Quillin

Ok, get reading.

peace, emily who can never accept NO OTHER OPTIONS!! THAT IS BOGUS!

Posts: 708
Joined: May 2004

Griff, my shoulders are here for you as long as you need them.. I am so very sorry. The next step is for chemo to shrink the tumors... DO NOT give up hope.

Another book I really like is Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen. It took me a while to start, but I really enjoyed it. And of course Lance Armstong's Not About the Bike.

Try to enjoy every breath, every moment, every smile. Come to us whenever you need.

You are in my prayers and thougths. jana

taunya's picture
Posts: 392
Joined: Jul 2002

Hi Griff,
I want you to know I say prayers every day for you guys. I roll you each around in my mind as I pray for your health and peace of mind. I always hope that it does reach you in some way. I send "good vibes" "good health feelings" whatever you need, I am on it!
I know this is evil and depressing but when the day gets bad, you remember that this IS NOT a death sentence and you ARE LIVING. Sharpen your sword Dearheart and rally the troops. It may be a long battle, but you can rest when we've won.
With Love and Hugs,

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