Hey, Don't those cell phones cause cancer?

I got this e-mail today. It made me paranoid.
I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me 2004.
Because of your kindness:
I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.
I no longer go to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS. And that "butttered" popcorn causes cancer.
I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they contain aluminum which causes cancer.
I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample (carcinogenic) and try to rob me.
I am afraid to answer the phone because they might ask me to dial some stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Tokyo, Singapore and Australia.
I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing but horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs and chicken nuggets which cause cancer.
I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear I will get sick from rat feces and urine. When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die from cancer about 7,000 times. (Funny that girl, she's been 7 since 1993.)
I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.
My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Orlando.
But I am positive that all this is because of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to follow, and I got a curse from hell.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you do not send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on your head today at 5:30pm.
Lots of Hugs!