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WEll, I did it, I did it. Didn't think I could do but I sure did do it!!

MJay's picture
Posts: 132
Joined: Aug 2004

Thanks Spongebob for your great advice and pep talk. I wrote down all my "greivances" and also all my side effects down and presented it to my onc dr. He spent an hour going through each thing with me. We agreed to drop my dosage down to 80% letting the plastic surgeon dictate on Wed if we continue chemo at this time. My healing from my surgery has stopped and we are not sure if chemo is the whole culprit. But I think the plastic surgeon will tell me to continue on.

So far so good. The ativan works wonders for the nerves. And I feel as though my concerns were properly addressed. And maybe now I feel like I have a little more control. There is that control thing again!!!!

One treatment down, 4 more to go this week, then off for the next three. Hoping side effects are lessened with the lower dosage. I will always hope.

Darn... the cat just got the christmas tree. Better go look for lost ornaments.


alihamilton's picture
Posts: 348
Joined: Jan 2004

Good for you....I don't look at it so much as control but more empowerment. There seem to be many times when doctors are reluctant to disclose any more than they feel necessary whereas often patients and caregivers want to know as much as possible so they can feel part of the decision making process. I hope you start to feel better soon.

MJay's picture
Posts: 132
Joined: Aug 2004

Empowerment!! That is an awesome word. And perfect for how I felt after talking with the dr. OF course when I gothome and immediately crashed for a three hour nap (so not my style) I didn't feel so powerful then. Baby steps... I'll take empowerment where ever I can get it.

Thanks for the boost! MJ

kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hey MJ--"empowerment?"--can you send some over?? I just got thru telling Runner that I have been a "pain in the arse" whinger today(read my post above yours)
I kinda let loose on here without putting my brain into gear. Now all here have had to suffer my verbal griping. Now I read your post--get a smile on my face and then go and belt my head against tha wall to bring me backto reality.
I'm sorry guys--not very thoughtfull of me--wish I could have erased my post--geez, I was feeling crappy an hour ago.
Send over the power MJ--could do with a bit!
luv n huggs, kanga n Jen
---oh--and a hugg/shoulder--I'll take 'em both!

jsabol's picture
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Hi MJay, You DID so do it!! I found that small doses of Ativan helped immensely for me, too, prior to chemo. You hit the nail on the head...it's all about feeling in control. I could usually manage until the day of chemo, then the reality of what we each face just kinda broke through a little too much. I even switched chemo offices because the first office felt too huge and impersonal. Loved the next group (a smaller local office of the same group). It's so important to feel heard and be taken seriously.
Keep up the good work; I found it helped to think about how far I was getting, not how much further I had to go.
Hang in there; we are all proud of you. Hope the cat is OK; watch out for tinsel!

Posts: 185
Joined: Feb 2004

During my 6 months of chemotherapy (always on a Friday) I would come straight home in the late afternoon and crash until the next morning, then get up, eat some breakfast, and get ready for a weekend with 3 kids. I found that expecting absolutely NOTHING of myself on the evening and night after chemotherapy, and saving everything for the next day, really helped a lot. I wold just lie in a dark, cool bedroom, even if I could not sleep, and maybe listen to the radio. I, too, dreaded chemo days. I remember just sitting and crying one Friday morning before going to work, because I had chemotherapy every Friday afternoon. It took me about 2 years to like Fridays again! However, that chemotherapy helped me survive disease free...for the past almost 6 years! It was the hardest, and bravest, thing I ever subjected myself to (and I have run 3 marathons). Be kind to yourself...you are allowed to be grumpy as hell during chemotherapy...it's your defense system! Just be kind to yourself, and count down the days until you are done.

spongebob's picture
Posts: 2598
Joined: Apr 2003


Wow... the cat jussst got in the Chrustmas tree. Cool. Hey, I didn't know that's what ornaments look like on the indside. Wow... groovy...

Hey kittttty, don't chew that cord... OK... I empower you to chew it. Awesome... I never knew a cat could smoke like that... Christmas trees, cats, and Ativan... no holiday is complete without all three...

MJay - glad you took control and empowered yourself. GREAT!


- SpongeBob

Kanort's picture
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi MJay,

It sounds like you have a great oncologist. I'm glad he addressed your concerns. Keep us posted on your progress.


Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2004

Brilliant work- it sounds like things are back on a more even course thanks to your proactive apporach. As a doctor I can definitely say that it is often very hard to judge just how much patinets want to know or how much involvement in their care they want. Some are wanting very little information and find it overwhelming if given too much- others want to know everything and then some. It is important for patients to let their doctors know what tlevel they want to go to with information and involvement- the docs aren't mind readers and rely on patients letting them know things. A good doc will respond well to this just as yours did.
Hope the Christmas tree survived,

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