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Trouble coping...

Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2004

My Dad was diagnosed with State 3 Colon Cancer back in August. He went through the surgery fine and is undergoing chemo. He is now halfway through the twelve treatments. For the most part, he is tolerating them well.

This has been so hard for me to deal with. Like everyone else, I never imagined that this would happen to my loved one. It is all so scary and I feel like I am in a whole different world where nothing seems certain anymore. I get so scared everytime he goes for his treatments and worry about all the side effects that might happen. I think I am most scared about losing him. That thought is unbearable.

I am also really worried about my Mother. This has been so hard on her. I can only imagine how she feels watching the love of her life go through all of this.

I just need for somebody to give me some words of wisdom and some positive thoughts as to how to deal with all this. My husband has been so great but somehow his positive words are not catching on.

Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2004


I know exactly how you feel. ... I've been feeling like this since september 15th when my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer with mets to the liver. Still-sometimes I don't know how to deal with this myself.
All i can tell you is there are good days and bad days. And it simply comes downt to this : TRY to stay positive as much as you can. i thank God for each day he gives us together. And that is really all we can do. I myself cannot imagine what my world would be like without mom in it.But you have to stay positive!!!
Believe in your heart that you will have many more years with your dad. If he is doing fine with chemo , that is good. My mom took her first chemo really, really bad.She could not eat, sleep or get out of the bathroom for 10 days!!!! They changed the cocktail and now, thank God, she is doing ok. That is what's important now. Enjoy every day you have together. You and your mom have each other to lean on ... you will need her help through this as much as she will need you.
I don't know what i'd do without my sister in this battle against the monstor.

Spend time together and pray for the best.

Take care and God bless you and your family.

ron50's picture
Posts: 1729
Joined: Nov 2001

Hi Andrea,
Sorry to hear you are having a hard time dealing with the situation. A rundown of my experiences may help. I was dx with stage 3 colon ,it was into 6 of 13 lymph nodes and in my surgeons words Frightfully aggressive. He removed most of my descending colon and after many problems dealing with chemo I had 48 sessions spanning 12 mos. The attitude of the oncologists and surgeons was that I couldn't possibly beat it given the lymph gland involvement.My wife was devastated and she made me promise that I would not die,now I keep my promises ,so I gave all the medicos a big rasberry and have continued life as normal. I was dx in Jan 1998 ,this jan will be 7 yrs clear with no signs of ca on any of the many tests I've had. You , your Mum and your Dad have to agree that survival is the only option you will accept ,and just do it...There how is that for positive ,Good luck to all of you just keep on fighting ,Ron.

StacyGleaso's picture
Posts: 1249
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi Andrea,
I was stage 4...spread to my liver, and as a result, lost 40% of my liver. All clear today. It is hard. With every test, in the back of your mind, you think that it will come back. Detection is key, and having been diagnosed already, the docs will be on top of things. Try to make the most of each day. Cancer really made me slow down and realize that this is not a dress rehearsal, but the real thing. This is life. You can be here one hundred years, or only a few short ones. What is most important is that you realize what is most important. With time, it's a little easier. Take is slow, and in the long run it will be ok.


jsabol's picture
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Hi Andrea,
When my dad was diagnosed a few years back, I was FRANTIC. It was so hard to know what he was up against; but he was a real trooper. I felt much calmer dealing with my own diagnosis and treatment!
Others here are right....be positive, focus on what you CAN do. Easy to say....I needed Ativan to help me sleep some nights!! Nothing in life is certain, and taking one day at a time was helpful for me. Reflecting on the "what ifs..." would send me into an emotional tailspin.
We all find the strength to deal with the things that come our way; I'm sure you will, but it is a roller coaster that we all ride with this disease.
Hang in there, Judy

aspaysia's picture
Posts: 253
Joined: Nov 2003

Every time a loved one gets sick I wish it was me instead of them. Easy to say until you are the one who is the patient. It is no picnic but I would still rather be the one in the hospital bed instead of the visitor.
When my father had cancer I was crazed. And I hated what it did to my mother. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was tell my mother that I had cancer. So I weasled out of it and made my sister do it. Mom was devastated, of course. You are not supposed to outlive your children. Coward that I am it would please me to be the first in my family to follow my father. I could not bear to see it happen to anyone else.
Not only do you have to take care of your parrents, Andrea, you have to take care of yourself because it is hard to cope with all of this. It is a new world with a different vocabulary and you will have to educate yourself because the doctors do not have the time.
This is an excellent place to compare notes. people here have gone through all of the same stuff with some variation. But it all feels the same. Fear. Anxiety. Why him? Is Mom strong enough (mine is still around making mischief)
You will get through this with help. Come here as much as you can. We are open 24 hours a day.
Aspaysia, insomniac extrordinaire.

Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2004

Loads of good advice above. Sorry to hear of your troubles- I do think aspects of this illness are harder for carers than the patient. I am stage three and at times have had to support my wife to help her cope and at times she supports me- it is a two way thing as carers do need support too. The best thing for us has been just being able to talk about it and our fears openly initally so there was no hidden stuff going on. Then as time passed it got better and some parts of our normal life returned. We have started to be able to have periods where we forget about it and just enjoy htings again. but even 9 months on it gets on top of us at times. Then we just need to ride it out and it passes.
Try to find things you enjoy doing with your dad that aren't related to the cancer. There are good side effects to all this- your reltaionship will be closer to him and often to others arorund you too and you will appreciate him much more. THere is a silver lining to this crap coloured cloud!
Mainly though just give it time and be there for him when he needs you.
Look after yourself too!

Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2004

I was dx with stage 3 colen cancer.I have had 6 out of 12 treatments. I have been in the hospital 2 times. The first was the removale of my colen. The 2nd was i got blood clots from the chemo. I am doing well i missed my last treatment because my white count was down. At first i had a hard time.Now i rest alot and take one day at a time. It will get better. i> i am now going thought it. it may be tought now. but it will get better.take care and think positive

Anonymous user (not verified)

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation and I, like the rest, know exactly what you are going through. My husband was diagnosed state III colon cancer July 2003 and my mother inoperable stage III lung cancer in September 2002. Talk about a double whammy. My father passed away 14 years ago and I'm an only child. Except for my own son, it felt to me like in one swoop the Lord was wiping my immediate family out (lots of family...aunts and uncles, nieces, nephews, etc. but all overseas). I struggled and sometimes still do just to make it through the day and not let the diagnosis of two people that I love more than life get the better of me. I made it and so you will. You cut yourself short. Believe me when I tell you that you have more strength than you think you do...that coupled with your father, at stage III, has a darn good chance of beating this disease will make the tough days ahead seem somewhat easier. Today, while why mom still has lung cancer, she is holding her own and feeling great and my husband is No Evidence of Disease, for which I am so grateful. Hang in there...you are tougher than you think.


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