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Hi all

Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

I just wanted to stop in and say hi to everyone. I've been lurking but not posting. Not really sure why. I've been a bit down lately and so many people are having a rough time of it here. Guess I felt I had nothing to offer in my current state of mind.

I do think of all of you each and every day. And to the new comers, sorry you are here, but welcome. This board has been such a salvation for me. I come here in the middle of the night, when I can't sleep. Gathering info and insight all the time.The stages we go thru are varied and difficult at times. But there is always someone here to listen, advise, joke or cry with.

I just want to say Thank You on this (couple days before) Thanksgiving. You are all an inspiration and God send. It's been said before, but it is true, unless you have walked the walk, people don't really get this. Even my closest friend of 15 years, doesn't get the day in day out, little crap that makes this a daily battle.

So for that I thank you. You are always here. You are ready at the helm! Semi-colons ROCK!!!!

I hope everyone has a beautiful, bountiful and relaxing Thanksgiving.

I will try to jump in here more often.

All my love and prayers to you,


kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hiya Barb-not sure if our time comes up on my posts. It is 1.10am here now.I was also here early this morning at around 3.30am. So as you see I am a "bad" sleeper too. If it wasn't for all you guys n gals here I think I would have developed "square" eyes from the idiot box!!!
Am sad that you have been feelin down Barb--hope it is only one of those down times we all get now n then--cheer up babe!!!!!!
Have a happy thanksgiving ((((((all)))))))
luv, kanga n Jen

ps--I go for bloods next week so the worry starts again--then off for scans--grrrrrrr

Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

Hey Kanga. I was up at 4 am eastern time here. My daughter had a rough night and I couldn't get back to sleep. I don't think I've slept thru the night since March.

I'm gonna be fine. Just one of those times. Had my Sigmoidoscopy last Friday. Everything is cool! Colonoscopy in 6 months.

You'll be fine, buddy. Try not to worry. It's a useless emotion. Drains too much of the good stuff from your life!!

Have a great day.

Barb ( next time I'm up on the puter in the middle of the night, I'll get in touch with ya!)

Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2004

Insomnia is something we probably all have in common at times. The only times I have slept through the night lately were straight after teh op when I also slept 4 hours each day jsut recovering. Now I'm up once or twice a night including at least one visit to empty the ileostomy bag. Nice to know I'm alone in this.

Sorry to hear you have had a hard time lately Barb- care to elaborate? Perhaps some one here can relate to it or help out in some way. It is unlikely that you are the first to go through it. Or is it just one of those patches of it all getting on top of you we all get? Anyway feel free to vent here and hope things brighten in time- they usually do.

Best of luck,

Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

Hi Steve.

I can't really put my finger on it. Things are really going fairly good. I had a Sigmoidoscopy on Friday and all was good. I just finished up my 1st round of the 5Fu luekovorin, and I'm on my 2 weeks off.

I just feel kind of overwhelmed. Looking at 6 more months of chemo. I'm gaining weight, too tired to work out. And when I'm not tired, I spend my days in the bathroom.( sorry)

Thoughts of it coming back are entering my mind, when they didn't before.

I think I'm just having one of those moments.

Coming back here will surely help.



Moesimo's picture
Posts: 1080
Joined: Aug 2003

I felt I had to respond to this post. I agree that unless you have walked this walk, it is hard to imagine what we are dealing with. My life, as well as everyone's on this board will never be the same. I also wonder about cancer coming back. I saw my oncologist yesterday and she told me that there is about a 20% chance of my cancer coming back. She also told me that the new statistics say that if you remain cancer free for 3 years, you are considered cured. I had been told it was five years. I am going to ask my surgeon what he thinks.

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, because last year I was so sick with chemo induced diarrhea and was on TPN (IV Fluids) for thanksgiving. I wasn't able to enjoy the good food. This year I will pig out.

I hope that you and everyone else on this booard has a great Thanksgiving.


Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

Hi Barb,
So good to see you back here -- but you are with us even when you are 'lurking'. I am sure everyone can relate to the ups and downs of this journey we are on. Don't underestimate the impact of the test you just went through. Even when the results are clear (hoorah for you!), it is an emotionally stressful event -- and of course reminds us of the fear of recurrence. Also, I know you are in the middle of your two weeks off (chemo), but - hey - you are in the middle of chemo! When I was undergoing chemo I was determined to stay active, live a 'normal' life, etc etc. But my advice (listen to what I say, not what I do!) is: be good to yourself. Pamper yourself. Give yourself a break. Consider a massage, a manicure, lying in bed eating chocolates and reading magazine (ok - i've just confessed to my indulgences! - you may have less decadent ones!). We are all thinking of you. Happy Thanksgiving.

taunya's picture
Posts: 392
Joined: Jul 2002

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down. I am in one of those scared stages myself at the moment. I think too much about it sometimes. Stay strong. I am thinking of you.

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