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Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2004

My sweetheart underwent a radical prostectomony 1 year ago (he's 55, & my 1st love, we reunited 3 years ago); he now has to undergo radiation because it's outside the capsule; in the meantime he doesn't take any of the ED enhancements that the dr. gives him to help. I asked that we go for counseling, but he refuses. I'm sad, very sad; to the point my dr. prescribed anti-depressants to keep me calm, not feel angry & continue to care for my honey. But I'm not sure I can continue this way. Any help out there?

Peter51's picture
Posts: 29
Joined: Nov 2004

It's difficult to respond to your request if he won't use what the doctor has prescribed. You should discuss with him your feelings and that you are also a victim as your are so much a part of him. Tell him he shouldn't give up on your relationship. I know you're sad and angry. Try not to bottle it up inside as that will lead you down a path of no return. Talk and communicate with him. Remind him you love him and care for him but that your happiness is as important as his is.

2ndBase's picture
Posts: 220
Joined: Mar 2004

I've had 40 radiation treatments and chemical castration and have not had sex for two years and my wife doesn't complain so maybe you should try harder to understand what your sweetheart is going through and if you can't handle it then move on. He has enough to worry about without you adding to his problems.

kaiepooh's picture
Posts: 52
Joined: Mar 2004

i know it's hard but hang in. it's been over a year for my husband and i but i don't care cause he is still with me and that is more important. There are other things to do that are just as good. if this is a problem then you need to look at what is important to you and chose. life is not all a bed of roses. hang in there.

rogermoore's picture
Posts: 265
Joined: Mar 2002


I am so sorry to hear of your sweetheart's refusal to accept the suggestions of his doctor. I'm sure he does feel inadequate as this experience has affected his "manly" functions.

However, you have to accept the fact that your expressions of love and affection may have to be modified. i.e. hugs and kisses may have to do for awhile, and this MAY lead back to the previous types of intimacy.

Some of the responses to your posting were somewhat abrupt and do not represent the sincere expression of compassion others of us have for your situation.

Please don't give up on your relationship with someone it is obvious you are in love with. As the old saying goes, "Time is a good healer". If you ever feel like venting,please don't hesitate to e-mail me and I will be glad to serve as a "sounding board".


Willx's picture
Posts: 41
Joined: Jul 2005


Many people don't seem to understand that when some men are diagnosed with, and undergo surgery for, prostate cancer that the neurological and physical apparatus for having an erection is changed. It is not just "a state of mind" anymore. Think of it like this: when you go to an electrical wall switch and flip it, a light comes on; if the bulb is burned out, or if there is a break in the connection, then you won't get light. Having an erection is much the same way: the switch is still there but if the current doesn't make it to the penis, then there won't be an erection, or much of one.

Losing the ability to have a spontaneous erection, for some men, shatters sexual desire, and confidence, probably more the latter than the former.

If you need sex more than your friend is able to provide it, then move on. Don't make yourself miserable and confound problems for him by insisting that he turn on the light when it ain't likely to happen.

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