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Help- What have we done to deserve this?

grandma047's picture
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

I find myself asking today,"God, how much more do we have to bear?" I know He says he won't put you through more than you can bear, but I find myself doubting. I'm in a really bad mood today. Very down. My husband went looking for work all day and could find nothing. West Virginia is at the bottom of the list as far as employment goes. He tried to sign up for unemployment and his former employer said he was temporary, so he couldn't get unemployment. He's saying now that if he doesn't get a job within a week, that he's going to go on the road driving a truck. He got his CDL's last December but wouldn't drive out of state because of my health. Now, I'm asking myself, who will take care of me when I get sick? Who will help me with my colostomy. He has always put it on because I tried once and must have cut it too little and my stoma started bleeding, so he's done it ever since. With all the problems I'm still having, I'm scared to death. I can't go on the road with him yet because I still have the cathther and I'm always having problems with it. What do I do??? I feel like just throwing up my hands and quitting. This is the most depressed I've been in a long time. Please, if you pray, say a few for me and my husband. His name is Danny and I love him so much and I feel so bad for him. Love ya guys and thanks for listening to me whine again.
Love and prayers, Judy(grandma047)

spongebob's picture
Posts: 2599
Joined: Apr 2003

Judy -

So sorry to hear that things are looking bleak for you and Danny. Remember Job - keep the faith. Something will turn up and you will come through this. Positive attitude is important in everything.

Keeping you and Danny in my thoughts and prayers.

- BOb

jsabol's picture
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Oh, Judy,
you have every right to "whine" when you have so much to deal with; you need to let it out somewhere, and what better place then here.
I keep thinking of all those cornball sayings like "The darkest hour is just before dawn" and "If life gives you lemons, throw them at the people you can't take anymore". I know that these sayings exist for a reason....so many people have been there, too. Anger and sadness often go hand in hand, but I hope that you find the anger motivating. You have been so strong; I know that you can continue to deal with this stuff.
Please continue to have hope; prayers and positive thoughts are with you. Hugs to you and give your husband a hug from me also,
the other Judy

Posts: 296
Joined: Mar 2004


Please hang in there!!!! Like I tell myself things have got to get better!!!! I know how you feel when you get down. Somedays always seem to be worse then others. All I can say is that you are both in our prayers!!!! HANG IN THERE!!!!! Just take one day at a time!!!! I don't know if you will find this funny or not but I to have a CDL and am drivng a bus right now. Has he looked into that until something better comes up. I know it take a special person to deal with all the little kiddies and interesting teenagers, but I'm sure that he could handle anything those kids hand him. I know that NJ is starving for licenced bus drivers.

I just thought that you guys might get a laugh at it as people here say they could never handle it. I felt like saying yes because your kids are the worst ones on the bus.

Well, you and Danny keep your chin up!!!! As God said, He will never give us more then what we can handle!!! I say that but some days I feel just as you do and I just take one day at a time!!!

Praying for you both!!!!


Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2004

Judy, sounds like an incredibly rough time at present. The last thing you need after all that has happened is more stress. I certainly find that I have less capacity to cope with new stressors at present as so much of your coping is put into just getting through each day of living with this illness and all the associated hassles.

There is nothing I can really say that will change much. Perhaps some of this is happening to try and encourage you to take back some control over things yourself- perhaps it is time to try again at changing your colostomy. I know the first few times I changed mine I made mess of it and it has bled on several occasions (doesn't really matter as it heal so quickly) but only through doing it myself have I got confident at it. Perhap some good could come from all htis if it leads to you feeling more competent at doing some of these things yourself.

It is important to always find something positive in each situation but I appreciate how hard it all is some times.
Keep battling and you'll get through in the end. Best of luck,

scouty's picture
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

Judy honey,

First off, who says you are going to get sick? You are well on your way to recovering finally. I am a believer is "plan for the worst" and it never seems to happen. So start expecting him to be out of town some. Practice putting on your own wafer. Let him pre cut several for you so you Have them ready to go when needed. If you stand in front of a mirror, placing it around the stoma is easy. The key is the cutting of the wafer so let him do that. Plan for it just like you would anything else. Keep the faith. God has not let you down yet and he won't.

Lisa P.

drmrgirl47's picture
Posts: 129
Joined: Mar 2004

Hi Judy,
It's always something. I read your posts all the time and you are always in my prayers. I am sorry you have been through so much. I hope you are in a better mood today. As far as the colostomy thing, I had a guide to follow. It was a 1 inch circle and I traced it on the wafer and cut it. I also looked in the mirror to fit it on and make sure it was cut big enough. Have you tried this? You need a little practice. Also, at least your husband has an option to go to work even though he has to drive out of state. I guess it is better than nothing. You probably don't want to hear that right now. But things do happen for a reason. I know things will get better Judy. As I said, you are in my prayers. Stay strong as you have been. Love and peace...Annette

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