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cancer and peace of mind

Posts: 130
Joined: Sep 2004

hi guys, i posted just last week about my dad who has stage 3 colon cancer. He was operated on July 30th in which they removed 2 feet of his right colon along with 35 lymph nodes, 5 of which were positive. He just had his first CT scan last week and thank our God he is NED. Monday he will have his port put in and Tuesday treatments will start.

I am having an extremely hard time dealing with all of this. I love my dad dearly and I just can't imagine anything happenening to him. I am just soooooo tired of worrying all the time. I can't stop thinking about the cancer maybe coming back. I guess it doesn't help that I work in a Pathology Department either, b/c all I see just about every day is cancer cancer cancer and it's really starting to depress me. Will I ever have any peace of mind again????


Btrcup's picture
Posts: 287
Joined: Jun 2004

Hi Susana, so sorry to hear about your dad. My hubby was dx in Feb. with Stage IV, mets to omentum & 13 out of 21 lymph nodes involved. I know the feeling of worry. He is just 42 and we have 2 children (4 & 7). His scans in July showed NED, but I worry about recurrence. It has gotten so bad, I'm thinking about asking my doc for sleeping pills to help me at night. I lay awake for at least 2 hours before finally falling asleep worrying. I lost 15 lbs. in the beginning (not that this is a bad thing), but it's not the way to do it.

Sometimes I get so angry at my hubby because he is not really taking care of himself. He was a drinker before all this happened and he has cut down considerably, but last week the doc said something was up with his liver and he had to stop drinking (of course he got drunk Sat. night!) Sometimes I feel bad nagging him because I think I should just let him enjoy himself, but at the same time I want him to be here with his family and nag him about keeping better care of himself. He still smokes too! I just want to slap him upside his head and say WAKE UP, THIS IS SERIOUS! He keeps saying he is "cured" and continues doing what he's doing. I try to tell him he is in "remission" not cured, but he won't listen, then I feel like a I'm being mean.

Anyway, sorry to go on, but I had to let this out. I will keep you and your dad in my prayers.

From one worrier to another,

Linda (Baltimore)

spongebob's picture
Posts: 2598
Joined: Apr 2003

Hey, Linda -

I know I am always joking here about drinking this and that, margaritas and senoritas, and paying hommage to Captain Morgan, but that's all in jest. Something important for your husband to consider; on of the most common mets for CC is the liver. The primary treatment is resection. If he's damaged his liver a resection may not be a viable option. He should either cut way back or give it up all together. Just my 2 cents worth, but - despite my carrying-on - I don't really drink and I encourage other survivors to do likewise - JUST IN CASE.

- SB

StacyGleaso's picture
Posts: 1249
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi Susana,

First of all, congrats on your dad's new NED status. Great place to be! I find that the further I get from my original diagnosis (which was Oct 2001) the "safer" I feel. Not a day goes by that I don't remember how far I have come (clear of cancer as we speak!) and what I have gone through. But I don't let it consume me. If I do, then the cancer "wins" in a weird way, and I'm merely existing, not actually living. Tell your dad to keep up the good work, as we're all pulling for him!


spongebob's picture
Posts: 2598
Joined: Apr 2003

Hi, Susana -

The fear never really goes away, I don't believe, but it does mellow over time.

I don't mean to alarm you, but colon cancer in the right colon is an indicator of a hereditary form of cancer known as HNPCC (Hereditary Non-polyposis Colorectal Cancer) - that's what I have. I would suggest you get yourself into a regular colonoscopy - NOT sigmoidoscopy - surveillance regime if you haven't already done so. Your siblings, too. HNPCC typically afflicts younger people.

Be well.

- Sponge

littlejulie's picture
Posts: 311
Joined: Mar 2004

hi Susana,

I understand where your coming from. My mom HAD stage 3 rectal cancer 1 postive node and I just hope and pray that it never comes back. Just think how far you've come and he is CANCER FREE!!! Try not to watse your time about something that might not ever return!! I'm going to try taking my own advice too.

julie :)

hope & pray - it works!!!

kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

For Susana and Linda----I am now in rem. for 7 months after surgery and 6 months chemo. From a "survivors" point of view we know how hard it is on you guys. God knows my dear wife Jen has been thru hell in the last 12 months but even tho there is the worry of cancer returning you have to cut us guys/ hubbies/ mum's/ wives some slack. I know it is very difficult--Jen talks to me and tells me how scared she is--so do my kids--but hey--I am NED and I am POSITIVE---life does go on and lets not try and jump tha bridge till we get to it--if ever again.
Sure--we both worry--we both cry--but don't you guys think that all your energy needs to be focused on helping your partners to heal. That may be selfish coming from me but I am here, NED , NOW. Let the future come what may.
I also smoke but Jen never really comments--I know it is not the greatest thing for me but --oh, well--it does calm me somewhat.

No Susana--peace will never really return--please try to accept that this disease can and does sometimes come back--just don't focus on that--think of the good times NOW!

Linda--go get those sleeping pills--I take them--but only on the real necessary occassions! NO--you are not being mean Linda--how could you?- You have shown us the love you have for your hubby. Maybe he has--maybe he has not accepted his cancer--even if he says he has--but try to refrain from nagging him. He is probably like me and just wants to resume some sort of "normality".
Do you know Linda--I cried many times in the last 12 months--worrying about Jen and my kids--not for me. Jen knows this and also knows that I need space sometimes to do my own thing--then sometimes we cry together--then get on with life--THE GOOD THINGS TOGETHER!!!!!
Hang in there both of you---NED and rem. is on your side!
luv n huggs--kanga n Jen

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