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i just want my mom to be better

Posts: 4
Joined: Jun 2004

my mom broke both of her upper arms 8 years ago. the right one never healed so she had total shoulder replacement surgery so she could hold her great grandbabies. 2 weeks after her surgery she got staph infection and had to have it removed. my dad and i have been her care-takers for the last 20 months. she had 10 surgeries within 9 months to try to get staph cleaned out. she will never have a shoulder now b/c too much bone cut away. she had pneumonia 4 times after her staph went away. she had to be put on a ventilator 2 times and we were told she wouldn't make it both times. she was well for about 5 weeks when the drs. diagnosed lung cancer. we were so devastated. she has been trying so hard to stay alive and has been sick for almost 2 years. she is fighting for her life once again. she is only 64 but has the body (and sometimes mind) of an 85 year old. i am sooo sad for her. i just want her well again so she has the strength to hold the babies. sometimes i feel guilty b/c i am tired of taking care of her and don't know when i will be able to have my life back. i don't mean to feel this way. my dad and i are tired and worn out already. we try to push through day to day. then i remember that mom is really the one that is tired and struggling day to day. i don't want to feel selfish. i know this is long but it is my 1st time that i have done this. thank you for reading this

Posts: 17
Joined: May 2004

I am sorry for the difficulty you and your family are now facing. Be gentle and caring with yourself as well as with your mother. Being a caregiver is hard work, some times it can be harder than being sick. Remember, if you are not well, you will not be any help to your mother or family. As much as you are able - let and ask others to help out. I realize this is not always easy - it is a lesson I am learning myself. My husband was recently admitted to a hospital about 120 miles from our home for a blood clot in his leg. (A possible side effect from the cancer.) I am left at home to pack our home, move it across the state and get our home ready to sale. Everything I do, whether it is directly related to my husband is something I do for us, even a movie out with friends. Remember that as you carry on with your life. It all ties back to keeping you and your family as okay and strong as you can. And all of that will help your mother. Remember she loves and cares for you as well and she wants and needs you to be okay.
Peace, love, happiness and health,

BionicKitty's picture
Posts: 15
Joined: Mar 2004

I know how you feel about being tired of basically living someones else's life for them while they recover. My mom has tumors residing in her brain, and although she is getting treatment, her mind is not the same anymore, and it gets very frustrating to even talk to her on the phone because her auditory signals get crossed and she cant hear voices in the phone when she is thinking of something else.
The other reply is right, you do need to try and do things and rest for yourself, so you have the energy to help and do everything. I do know how it feels to realize you won't have your life back fully for awhile, and it gets very hard to have to do Everthing all the time for everyone else. I have learned to take "little pleasures", an hour or even a day, even 20 minutes ,here and there when it comes up, to visit with friends, go out to dinner,water the garden, or just sleep . It doesn't last long, but it helps to relieve the constant "doing".I am excited just to stay home and do housework,and be home alone,happy to not be driving all day for appointments and such!
It will end eventually, hopefully for the better, and this all will be a Heaven Worthy Memory, so hang in there, organize your house and take your vitamins.... Hercules has nothing on us caregivers!

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