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Losing my mother and my best friend

Posts: 5
Joined: Jun 2004

I have read so many posts pertaining to people suffering from cancer. I have even read about people just like me who spent their lives caring for a loved one who had been diagnosed with cancer. I lost my mother three weeks ago. She died of cancer. She fought for so long but eventually her cancer spread from her lung to her brain and lymph node behind her stomach. She had six tumors in her brain when she died but she was determined to fight for her life. She never accepted her illness. She died fighting for life.

I continue to read about lung cancer, brain cancer, death, loss, grief and anything else relevant to my experience with my mother. I guess I hope to find something that can explain what happened and why it happened to my mother. All I have found is others who are or have experienced the same thing I did with my mother. I use to argue with the doctors and even with God because I felt my mother was too young to die. She was alive just long enough to witness my son come into this world but she died shortly after. I only wish my son could have known his grandmother.

I feel terrible for everyone who has ever experienced the impact of cancer. It is the most cruel and horrible experience one can go through. People lose their dignity and become dependent on hospitals, doctors, and the advancement of science and medicine… I will never forget what the doctors told my mother a week before she went to a hospice… they told her they wished that medicine and science was advanced enough for them to save her life. My mother’s doctors were amazing but nothing they did could make my mother’s cancer stop from killing her.

I was with my mother when she took her last breath of air. I wrapped her in warm blankets and held her as she died. I only pray that she was not aware of anything. My mother was scared of death. She was once a beautiful, independent woman but the cancer robbed her of that. No one even recognized my mother when she died. She looked so different… she never even recognized me during the last two weeks because the tumor were growing at such a rapid pace in her brain. My mother could not speak. She relied on everyone else to help her with the simplest of tasks. She couldn’t walk or even swallow at the end. I would fight with her to eat or to drink but she no longer recognized that need… sometimes I wonder if she gave up. I am terrified that she was aware of what was going on but just couldn’t speak. Cancer is so cruel. I wish I could stop this disease from robbing people of their lives and from devastating families.

I wish I could take away the pain and suffering from anyone who has ever been affected by cancer.


hrtbroken's picture
Posts: 8
Joined: May 2004

Susan I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. You and I have the same wish... "I wish I could stop this disease from robbing people of their lives and from devastating families." My brother was diagnosed 15 months ago with brain cancer. Gliobastoma. I leave thursday (by plane) with my young family to go and visit him in the hospital in FLA. It's so hard to watch our loved ones go through such an horrible ordeal. I hope you find comfort in knowing that your mother is in a much better place now where there is no more pain. No more cancer. She's at peace now loving you and being proud of you and all that you have gone through. God Bless you and your family. I pray you find peace.

Posts: 18
Joined: Apr 2004

I am sorry for your loss. I too lost my father and my best friend. Oscar, was not my real father, but a man who helped raise me like a father. He was everything to me and my older sister. He was only 68. He was too young. He looked 80 when he died. He was so full of life and lived a very busy, full life, I feel like he was robbed. He was dx'd with colon cancer 2 years ago and they found it in his brain on May 11th of this year. He did 3 weeks of radiation, but it didn't do anything at all. His medical care was crap. He had a HMO who just gave up on him a long time ago, but he wouldn't listen to us about going somewhere else. Unfortunately, we had to put him in a nursing home the last 12 days of his life, because his home was an hour from everyone, and he couldn't live alone and refused to come home with us. He was only a mile away from me though, and there was always someone there with him. I feel guilty we had to do the nursing home, I know he hated it. He had 7 tumors in his brain but until the last 2 days was able to speak to us and was still pretty sharp. Even when he was finally in a coma he continued to squeeze my hand and even lift my arm at one point when I was trying to communicate with him, so I believe he could hear me speaking to him. I agree with you that this disease is the most cruel, horrible thing and I hope someone finds a cure someday. I'm sorry about your mother. You are a lovely person to be so touched by everyone elses grief, too. I hope you can find some peace in knowing that your mother is not in pain any longer. I hope I can get to that point too. Good luck to you in life.

Lee Ann

Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2005

Hi Susan,

I know it doesn't answer questions; but, my prayers go out to you because my mom [and best friend] is going through this now. The Hospice just came in yesterday after bringing her home from the hospital after three weeks. She won't eat, drink water, or take her medication. Radiation caused necrosis and was stopped.

She was diagnosed with GBM4 Jan 26. She came back home with us and lived a normal life until end of March. Radiation had been delayed because of the staff's vacation schedule and her decadron had been tapered off , from her ex GP, because of her blood count.

Now, Mom is in a hospital bed in my house. Most of the time she is sleeping or we are holding hands as she stares. Her stats are good and the doctors think she will be feeling a little better. My questions will go unanswered also...but it helps to know that I am not alone...except I wish this on no one. Thank heavens we have our faith...but there is still questions.

My prayers are with you.


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