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waiting for surgery is making me crazy!!

littlejulie's picture
Posts: 311
Joined: Mar 2004

Hi everyone,
My mother recently finished 5 weeks of pre operative chemo and raditation and her surgery for stage 3 rectal cancer is a month away. i'm VERY stressed. I have horrible dreams that all her lymphnodes are effected. AS of now - They only suspect one.

She's had every test possible. MRI, liver scan, CT scan, bloodwork, colonoscopy, endoscopy. are they going to find something unexpected?!

im so worried. i just want to know that my mother is going to live until 80 - at the very least?!

julie :(

kerry's picture
Posts: 1317
Joined: Jan 2003


We are thinking positive thoughts for you and your mother. The waiting is the worse part, but so far the tests have indicated very little node involvement, so place your trust in God and everything will be OK. You and your mother are in our prayers.


jsabol's picture
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Hi Julie, Don't remember how old you and mom are, but as a 53 yo mom myself, I'm looking forward to a long and happy life (after this chemo is done!!). The waiting and feeling helpless is SOOOO hard, but your need to find a way to calm yourself.
When my 82 yo dad was first diagnosed, I was so nervous about wanting to do something to help, that I asked my PCP for some anti-anxiety meds to help. I would mainly use it to help sleep, and it helped a lot.
If meds aren't an option, or in addtion, some things like yoga or meditation can be lots of help. Take care of yourself; I thing it's almost harder to be a caregiver than the patient! I'll be thinking of you.
Regards, Judy

Anonymous user (not verified)

Julie, take a deep breath and count to ten. Stressing yourself out over things you cannot change, while very hard not to do, will only work to defeat your fighting spirit of kicking this bastards butt!!!! You're mom is most likely counting on your for positive reinforcement and if you cannot stop worrying about it.....trust me, it's contagious. Breat deeply and read plenty of success stories. Don't dwell on the negative, again very hard to do and if I'd pratice a little more of what I preach, I'd make things a lot easier for myself as well. But one thing I must admit, I tend to practice what I preach a lot more than when I first climbed on this roller coaster and that too is contagious. My mom and Bert are doing fine and I think, in part, it's attributed to them being able to focus on themselves and not worry about me so much.

Hang in there. It will get better.


kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Julie--these guys have said it all--there is little we can do to change what may be--to try and be calm about it is pretty well impossible and that is understandable--Think of your own health Julie 'cos you will be no good to your mum if you fall in a heap.
You can't change anything--what will be will be--if your fears are that bad that it effects your health and your sleep then Judy's advice is worth looking into.
That doesn't mean to say that you need hard-core antidepressants or very potent sleeping meds.
Most doctors are very aware of the emotional drain on carers and will prescribe low dosage meds. to help you sleep and calm you down.
Both Jen and I took meds prior to my surgery and they were a blessing.
Our very best Julie--we know how hard it is to take---luv kanga n Jen

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