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Mom gets very angry and doesn't know why.

Posts: 2
Joined: May 2004

My mother has stage IV kidney cancer and is on pain medication. Clinical trial teatments to start soon. She has had several episodes of intense anger towards my father. She never apologizes, but has said she doesn't know what comes over her. Can it be a reaction from the pain medication? Anyone experience something similar?

daniGrrl27's picture
Posts: 4
Joined: Jan 2004

Dear Karol,
Mom has stage 4 lung, she also experiences anger episodes.
I am primary caregiver, and at times the lashing out realy stinks. At times, its very, very hard to be patient, especially when you're used to someone with a gentle demeaner when they are well. Mom has elevated CO2 levels, which causes her to act on impulse. I would imagine being your Mom's kidneys are affected, her body is having a very hard time flushing toxins. If she's having breathrough pain, that will definately cause mood swings. She may also have a very hard time of accepting what's going on. My thought is that it may just be a combination of the three. I would be extremely upset if I were diagnosed with cancer, as I think most people would be. All you can really do right now,is be patient and please hug both of them and tell them how much you love them every single day. Your father definately needs as much love and support morally as your mother does physically . If you need to reach me you can email me here danigrrl22@hotmail.com
My hugs and prayers are with you and your family,
Danielle (aka danigrrl27)

Posts: 4
Joined: Jul 2004

There are so many reasons for your mother to be angry. It could be a reaction to the pain medication. It could be anger at her situation. She's sick and you and your father aren't. It could be the pain talking. By letting the anger out it could be giving her the illusion she is fighting back. I don't think your father is her target, though. He is just in the way. The brother of a friend of mine was very ill and in a lot of pain. He began yelling at everyone, even his children. His wife told the little ones that their daddy had something mean and nasty inside him that was making him angry. One day their son came home from a neighbor's yard sale with the ugliest statue they had ever seen. He gave it to his dad and told him that the statue must look like the ugly thing inside him and could he please yell at the statue instead of people. The man began to redirect his anger at the lump of clay and while the anger didn't diminish he felt better for not having yelled at his family and friends and they felt better about it, too. Help you mother find something she can get mad at like that statue (it could even be a picture of a really irritating relative or some celebrity or politician she particularly dislikes) and yell at it with her. But try really hard not to take her anger as a personal attack against you or your dad in spite of what she may say.

midniteoil's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2005

What a good idea. I'll get him something to yell at besides me. It is hard!

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