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My Boyfriend and His Mother

Posts: 1
Joined: May 2004

hi everyone. i figured id give this a shot because im frustrated and i dont know who to talk to. My boyfriends mother has breast cancer and has recently taken a turn for the worst. she comes down with atrocious headaches and can barely walk. over the weekend we both graduated from college and she had such a difficult time at the celebration. yesterday she was hospitalized, but my boyfriend is five hours away. he is dealing with so much right now: dieing, coming into adulthood, and who knows what else. And to complicate the situation he had planned to go to europe in the fall for a year, but was unsure with his mother's condition. at this point his brother (who moved home to take care of her a year ago) will also be moving across the country, so he feels it is his "turn" now. hes struggling with this. his father is telling him to leave or hell never have another chance and not to wait for her to die. and his mother sometimes begs him just to stay in the state, and other times tells him to go. its gotten so bad that i believe she is hiding her condition from him. after seeing her this weekend it was a shock. it became very clear to both of us she was much worse. she just got off chemo and im told she should be feeling better by now, but she is so much worse. i want to do everything i can to help, but he pushes me away and never wants to talk. i dont want to press the situation, but i want to be supportive as possible. i hate to see him bottle everything up. this weekend he started taking it out on me. i dont know whether or not to just take it or draw a line. i ask him about his mother and he gives me a rude reply. i dont know what to do. ive told him i will support whatever decision he makes, and if he decides to move home i will help too. i will do whatever he wants. am i too eager to please? im scared. im leaving in 2 weeks for over two months across the globe. i want to make the most of this, and both of us are feeling desperate. i love him and his mother is wonderful. what can i do for them? please tell me anything.

meganucci's picture
Posts: 11
Joined: Feb 2004

I think I was in the same situation your boyfriend is in right now. My mother just passed away from esophageal cancer on May 16th. She was diagnosed in Dec. 2002. Throughout her illness, I didn't talk to my boyfriend about her condition much because I knew he didn't understand. Even though he loves me with all his heart, he couldn't possibly feel all of the things I was feeling. It's hard to be there for someone who is going through what your boyfriend is going through. The only advice I can give you is don't give up. Offer to go with him when he sees his mother, I know you probably do this already, but keep trying to make an effort to be there for him. Talking to him about his mother will probably be a little difficult though. I know when I would tell my boyfriend about my mother's rapidly declining health, he would always have some sort of answer or solution for it. It would drive me crazy! The best thing you can do for your boyfriend is to be completely understanding, caring and interested in what is going on with his mother. If you need someone to talk to, e-mail me through the csn web site. I hope all goes well.


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