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and NOW heart failure

pjenks57's picture
Posts: 112
Joined: Nov 2003

Hello all. Last time I posted I had good news that after 3 treatments the cancer in Hubby's body was gone by 50%. That was right before Christmas and all was happy. He didn't do handsprings because he is not using the positive attitude he should. ANYway yesterday we got some news that he has congestive heart failure. Caused by heart damage from high blood pressure and he has fluid on the lungs which is causing his already enlarged heart to enlarge even more. Bless his heart he doesn't have a clue how bad all of this can be. He just gets pissed off because he can't paint the bathroom or work on his race cars or put in the 60+ hours a week he was used to. I have looked everywhere for a positive attitude pill but can't find one for him. I am tired and can't keep this happy face much longer. I did lose it the other day with him and told him to stop whinning about being sick at his stomach and take the medicine that the Dr. prescribed and make this all work. It is in his hands and the only thing he can think of is that all would be well if he could just take less Xeloda and get back to work.. Thanks for letting me go on and on. I sound negative because that is all I am hearing at home. I know I need (and him too) to keep positive. I line up the positive things in front of his nose and he just nods and thats it. He doesn't HAVE to work,Insurance so far is paying almost all of the OUTRAGOUS bills, He has a healthy 8 year old daughter, His cancer is 50% gone with only 3 treatments, He got help with the heart problem before a heart attack... And on and On. Thank you again. May God Bless all of you and this outlet for me to look like a complete idiot.

spongebob's picture
Posts: 2598
Joined: Apr 2003

pjenks -

First of all you're not a complete idiot. Secondly, it's impossible to stay positive all the time. It's OK to let down and cry now and then. It helps you stay centered and in the realm of reality. You are doing the right thing by focusing on the positives in your life. Things you have control over.

You're doing fine. Keep up the tough love and feel free to vent with the rest of us idiots anytime!

- SB

jsabol's picture
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Hi P, You don't even sound like a partial idiot! Keep the vent open, so your own frustration doesn't build. Good luck to both of you; hang in there. Another site I visited used to throw out "the rope of hope" for others to hold on to....we don't have the icon here, but hold on!

Anonymous user (not verified)

Wow, you sure are running the gauntlet and I can imagine the tremendous pressure you are under. Take heart in your own words to me...you are most definitely not alone. It's real tough to keep someone optimistic when they are fighting you tooth and nail every step along the way. I don't have that delima with Bert but when he get's so sick from the chemo, I won't say that he hasn't mentioned about giving it all up...after all, they got all the cancer (quote) didn't they? Yeah, big guy, that's true, but they may not have seen it all and that's what all of this is about...to help kill anything that was left behind and to possibly give you the life expectency to become an old man and not "croak" at the onset of middle age!!!! But as you know, it hurts more than anything to watch the process...sometimes more than dealing with the side effects. Bert has coronary calcifications s well, just recently discovered. We still have to deal with that and he will, I hope, have the strength to see another doctor about that this month.

Please hang in there yourself and thanks for your kind words of support to me. They are not wasted words.


StacyGleaso's picture
Posts: 1249
Joined: Mar 2003

It's hard to try to keep up the tough front that your hubby is trying to maintain. I'm sure it's all frustrating for him to not be 100% at this time...just remind him that he is no good to you unless he is here. Also remind him that that little 8 yr old of his is going to need him around for advice and everything else a dad does so he needs to shape up and address this things like the tough guy he is!

You know it's probably hard for him to let you see him go through so many obstacles. Just let him know you're not going anywhere, and neither is he.

Take care of YOURSELF too!


Posts: 232
Joined: Apr 2003

pjenks- What a tough break. I don't have easy answers as to how to change the attitude into an optimistic one. Perhaps, especially if he had been an optimistic, happy person before, with time that will get better. You are not an idiot. You have to vent sometime. It has got to be horribly frustrating for both of you for now, however. I guess one good thing is that the reason he is angry he has stuff that he wants to do. That is better than giving up because he can't see anything worth doing.

As Stacy said, take time to do something nice for yourself too.



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