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new caregiver.

Posts: 5
Joined: Dec 2003

Hi everyone.

My best friend was told that she had a brain tumre. She hasn't told anyone, except me, yet. The time the doctor told her of it was 6 months ago. It was also her last visit to the doctor. She says she is "too busy" to go. I have only known for about 3 months. We are very close, but we hardly see each other anymore. She is "too tired" when she gets back from work to even answer the phone. I'm 18 years old and I need to talk to a caregiver who has a close case. Please. This is a desprate call for help. I'm more than ready to offer help, support and advice, but when it comes to someone you love so much it becomes hard to think clearly. I need to know that I am not alone, which is what I feel like right now. I only spoke to her 3 times since she told, and it wasn't for my lack of trying. Please, I need to talk. It could be on chat or just by e-mails. I hope I get a reply soon.
Thank you all so much.

Posts: 2
Joined: Jan 2004

You have my prayers and thoughts. I have been a caregiver in several cases, especially my mom and my husband. It is so very hard. Just be sure to be there for your friend. Try to go see her as often as you can. Try to get her to talk to you about it and most of all try to get her to go back to the doctor. Ask her how she feels about what has happened to her. Ask her how you can help her. Ask her how she feels about afterlife. Most of all, just get her to talk to you. I have found all cancer patients need to talk and they are afraid to because they don't want anyone else to hurt like they do (emotionally). Be strong for her. If I can be of any help to you at all, just e-mail me and I will try to be here for you. My personal address is donoho4@bellsouth.net if you need me to be more readily available. Just pray for her and so will I.

Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2004

One of the best things you can do for your friend is find some support for yourself. There are many cancer support groups which can be very helpful with a variety of things including information and helping you feel less alone and burdened. Try contacting your local cancer treatment center for groups near you. They can be a remarkable place for healing of the heart. It seems to me that you are trying your best to be a friend and cancer puts a new set of very difficult "rules" on what that means. I'm sure your friend is doing her best but she's not letting you in much either after telling you such devastating news. It seems to me that you're both in a tough spot and trying your best. Please try to meet up with a group. They can really be a lifesaver. Hang in there.

Trese's picture
Posts: 8
Joined: Jan 2004

I've just started looking at this discussion board. I've been a caregiver three times, and after a few years I just finished a little "book" about my experiences. I talk about the "caregiving" process as if it is a submarine mission. There are only a few people on the crew, and unfortuantely it sounds like your friend is keeping that crew pretty small. I agree with everyone who has replied. See if you can get her to talk to you, but try to be calm and confident when she does. No cheerleading. Just a quiet confidence that things will work out. Listening is more important than talking. I would also encourage you to find support ... that helps to make the crew a lot bigger!! If you ever need to "talk" privately, please email me. You are young, and we're here to help. Trese

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