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I need help to understand...

Posts: 1
Joined: May 2003

I just lost one of my closest friends to esophageal cancer. He was diagnosed Sept, 2002 and passed away April, 2003. As soon as he found out he had EC, he became reclusive, moved back home with his parents, and would not see his friends, talk to us, or even answer emails. We continued to call but he wouldnt come to the phone - - his parents would keep us updated on his condition. I don't understand why he wouldn't let me be there for him. I am having a very difficult time dealing with this. Anyone have any insight on what he was feeling...why he pushed us away?

Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2003

Hi Tammye Joe.

First of all, let me say how sorry I am to hear about your friend's passing. It must have been awful for everyone to lose him so fast. I hope that his friends and family are doing okay.

I'm not a cancer patient, so I can't begin to imagine what was going through your friend's mind when he chose to withdraw. It does sound like depression, though. Sometimes, depressed people retreat away from everyone, even though friendship and support might be the exact things that could help them through it. Perhaps that is what happened with your friend. But even though he wasn't communicating with you, I'm sure he knew that you were in contact with his family, and were continuing to ask about him and his health. He knew you still cared. I'm betting that helped more than you can know.

Again, I am sorry about your friend. I hope that youi are all doing okay, and that his family is managing to cope. Good luck,


meganucci's picture
Posts: 11
Joined: Feb 2004

My mother who is 52 was diagnosed with esophageal cancer December of 2002. I was 4 months pregnant with my first child. My mother had been having trouble keeping food down and was losing weight rapidly. Finally after Thanksgiving, she went to the doctor, I went with her. Her doctor scheduled an appointment with the gastroentologist and he scheduled an endoscopy. The esophagus was so closed off that the camera wouldn't fit in it, even a pediatric camera wouldn't pass. So, he took a biopsy and we waited for the results. We met with her surgeon a couple weeks later and he told us that she had a malignant tumor in her esophagus. My father and I were both floored. I couldn't believe that it was really happening to my mother. My mother went in for surgery on December 27,2002 and didn't retun home until January 17, 2003. I was excited because my mother would be able to attend my baby shower on February, 1,2003. Bad news, My mother had to go back into the hospital the Thursday before my baby shower. I was floored... again. I wish my mom could have been there. My mother has just gotten out of the hospital again. Her cancer was in remission for only two months, we just found out that it has relapsed and spread to her liver and most of her stomach. My son is almost a year old now ( his birthday is the day before my mother's) and all I can do is think about how he'll never get to know his Grandma. Not the old one anyway, the one who was goofy without ever trying, the one who always gave everything she could to anyone who was in need . When we found out her cancer had relapsed, I felt like someone had squeezed my heart and held it for a few seconds. I sit with my mom everyday so she can be around her grandson, but I feel like I have no one to listen to how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding onto some kind of hope that isn't there.

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