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Help! My mom is dying from breast cancer!

Posts: 7
Joined: Apr 2003

My mother originally had a very small lump six and a half years ago. They did a lumpectomy and chemo and radiation just to be sure. 5 years thereafter the cancer had come back everywhere.... lungs, liver and brain. It's now her liver that is giving up. I don't know what to do. I don't how to react. I feel I need to be strong for her. She was such a vibrant woman and it is so hard to see her. Before I was so positive for her and now I know there is not much they can do now. The chemo isn't working anymore. I know she is angry and so very tired. What can I do?

Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2003

hi mommysgirl,
Through the last couple of months I thought that i had it bad, having my uncle dying of cancer,but you have it worse I now realize. in order to get through this you just have to accept what might happen, but you want to make the best of the time that you and your mom have left together. And you never know this might not be the end. Doctors have a lot of stuff that they can do and if you can just believe that every thing will be alright then it just might be alright. BUT REMEMBER you have to stay strong and always always believe. Down the road you might hit some bumps or dead ends or something, but as long as you dont lose hope and don't give up ,along the way you will be fine.
Hope all goes well,
With respect and love,

P.S. If you need to talk to someone...you can always talk to me.

Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2003

My mother went through a similar experience with breast cancer 12 years ago and has had several reoccurances since then in the bones as well as recently stomach and small intestines. I have seen her go through chemo and radiation time after time and come back to us fighting all the way. I know it seems hopeless, but sometimes it can be controlled even if for only a short period of time. There were so many times I thought we would lose her and we didn't. Never lose hope! Right now, my mother is in the end stages and is just receiving pain meds with no chemo or radiation - she just doesn't want to go through all of it again and I can't blame her for that. My mom is receiving hospice care and we know it won't be long for her. It is very hard to see someone go through so much. All you can do is talk to her about how much you love her and be there for her, spend as much time as you can with her. Please e-mail me anytime at debbie.johnson23@attbi.com

Posts: 19
Joined: Dec 2001

I just read your posting. What a difficult time it is for you. Seeing your Mother becoming weak and more ill is so hard. As you mention, the emotions are strong - it is hard to understand and exhausting. As adult children, I , like you - want to do everything possible to give comfort and love. Are there things your Mom loves to do - just sit and talk, have her feet rubbed, read together, have you write notes for her? Is she able to get outside a little, or still go out?
The days become long, once a person is bedridden - not sure what stage she is now. My Dad has been inside increasinging, but we have just purchased him an easy chair, so he can sit outside in the sun - it rocks gently. He too has always been so vibrant and now has fatigue. Early mornings are his best time, and he loves calls, visits and doing little things when he feels his best. I am sure you are aware of all these little things!
Have you looked into hospice care? We plan to do that when my Dad needs care - I hear they are wonderful in helping everyone deal with this disease in final stages. Thinking about this realistically is so hard! I hope your Mom can talk with you about her feelings, that really helps. I found that I had to allow my Dad to, told him that this was tough for me and that I wanted to be there for him and hear his needs, so I could help. That was so hard to say, but he talks with me a lot now - knowing that I am dealing with it. So many folks don't want to talk about it- and the patient holds feelings in - to appear strong. I wish you the best, and know that a prayer has been offered on your behalf today :)

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