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difficult patient

Posts: 29
Joined: Mar 2003

My husband is dying from head and neck cancer. He has a few months to live. We have been fighting cancer for a few years. At first they gave us hope and he wasn't bad to deal with but a couple years later we were told it was terminal. He has been very difficult since then. I think he knows he is dying but hasn't actually come to terms with it. He shuts me out of his life most of the time and it has been very hard for me emotionally. I would welcome any suggestions on how to make his moods easier to deal with.

Posts: 25
Joined: Mar 2003

Bless your heart. What a difficult situation to be in. My father is dying of lung cancer and I lost my mom to cancer 23 years ago.. so I know it's emotionally draining. I'm glad to see you on the support boards. It's just as important for you to talk about your feelings as your husband. Have you found any support groups to be involved in? Is there some hospice or visiting clergy that your husband could talk to? Sometimes it is easier to talk to people outside our family for some reason. God bless you, just being there by your husbands side, no matter how difficult he is.. you are a blessing. Terri

rosie43539's picture
Posts: 56
Joined: Mar 2003

My husband has Stage IV renal cell cancer. His oncologist has yet to give up on him but when we first found out the surgeons were not very hopeful. Early on during that period my husband was very defensive. He thought we were trying to keep him tied down to home. Quite the contrary, I would have given anything if he were healthy again. Although we haven't been given a terminal diagnosis they have yet to find a treatment that will shrink it. Is Hospice involved in your husbands care. If not you need to try to get them, I've heard they work with all aspects including what you are going through.I know it must be very hard for you. I'm sure you would love for the last of this to be as happy as possible. Sounds impossible doesn't it? But I pray you can find some peace somewhere. Please keep the faith.

Posts: 89
Joined: Sep 2002

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. My husband had throat cancer and 8 months ago and now has spread to his lungs. The cancer is incurable but he is going thru chemo to give him longivity of life and he has a 50% or better for some sort of remission. Has your husband been thru everything? Have you tried the Treamtment centers of American? I'm so very sorry. There are great support groups for handling this and like they said try calling the Hospic. Cry out to the Lord in prayer this has been proven to work miracles. And I do mean cry out. Go somewhere in seclusion and scream for help to the Lord. Get the book The Power of Crying Out. by Bill Gothard. It has brought comfort to me. Thoughts and prayers are with both of you. Read this book to him maybe it will bring him hope and comfort. Sincerely, Candy

Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2003

My partner of 6 years was diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer 16 months ago and was recently given 6 months to live. My best piece of advice is one that I'm passing on from a very wise friend who passed it on to me: See a psychiatrist and have him/her prescribe an anti-depressant for you. Once you divulge what you're gong through, you won't get any argument. It'll help you cope with what has to be one of the worst experiences in life -- seeing your soulmate die and being powerless to stop it. If you have no patience as far as hearing other peoples' problems right now, then group meeting won't work for you. I particularly recommend this if your husband is not on anti-depressants himself. As you are painfully aware, YOU bear the brunt of his emotions as the person closest to him. I don't think most people know how difficult it is to be a cheerleader when you may have run out of hope yourself. Stay strong.

Posts: 4
Joined: May 2003

By all means its very hard, I get some very angry patients at times, its okay ! as your self how would you act if someone said to you we are so sorry theire nothing more we can do, Its a process they need to go though their scared worried that don,t want to dye, How i deal with a difficult patient is i back up, give them time i listen i let them cry, then i give them the best bear hug in the world it does get better, your husband will come around, I know your hurting confuse, geting upset don,t know what to do, Just listen, hang in their, Dawn

Posts: 29
Joined: Mar 2003

Dawn, Thank you so much. I am trying my best. It is not easy for me. Thank God I have my kids to help me and my grandchildren to get hugs from. How do they get rid of their anger? What can I do to help him? I try to be supportive but when he gets in a bad mood, he doesn't even want me around. I don't know what to do to make it easier for him. I guess he just has to work it out himself and when he wants me, I'll be there. MA

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