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Caregiver perspective

Posts: 6
Joined: Feb 2003

I'm brand new to chat rooms.
I also am a Christian and strongly believe in prayer.
My wife has nsc adenocarcinoma.
They have removed her upper left lung and a lymph node on the aorto pulmonary artery and treated her with chemo. She started radiation on a second lymph node last week.
She does not want to go to any support groups. She does not want counseling.
Her family (brother, sister, children) are out of town.
I want to be supportive. She is getting more upset about smaller and smaller things.
She states that I've got a problem and wants me out of the house.
Any ideas?

Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2002

From Margmacsd
Hang in there! My husband had cancer treatments February to May 2001. At first it was impossible for me to handle, but after I got into a routine, it was easier. He seemed to settle down after a few weeks and was not so cranky and demanding. It just takes time for them to realise that you are suffering too. Now he appreciates everything I do for him even though he still does not make much effort to get up and do much. At the beginning I read a message on CSN about cancer survivors having a short time each day when they felt able to do anything. Knowing that helped me a lot. His attention span was so short at first, he didn't even want to watch TV or read or listen to the radio. Now he is more interested in everything, so it helps. Hope this helps a little bit. I will check tomorrow.

Posts: 14
Joined: Jan 2003


I wonder if she is trying to harden you/she against what may lay ahead.

My Mom had metastatic lung cancer and it had spread throughout her body. I remember about a month before she died that she tried to alienate me and I think it was a type of defense mechanism. Additionally, the stress and sickness that cancer brings certainly is hard on the patient.

I, too, am Christian and this is a new concept for me (the chat room).

My father was just diagnosed before Christmas with metastatic lung cancer with involvement of his hilum and mediastinum, metastasis to the liver, and a small metastasis in his sixth rib.

Have a nice day!

Posts: 10
Joined: Jan 2003


I am so sorry about what's going on with you guys right now. I know it's hard on you.

I have been a caregiver (when my mom had cancer), and I'm now a cancer patient/survior. I know I've put my husband through "heck" since I've been diagnosed. I know I've been emotional (bawling at the drop of a hat), angry, and very difficult to live with. However, a couple of weeks ago, my doctor put me on antidepressants. I think having cancer and receiving the radiation treatments created an imbalance in me or something. But I have felt better since starting the antidepressants. Also, I've been going to support groups (with my husband) since the middle of January. You say your wife won't go to a support group. You can go yourself. The dialogue groups are for caregivers as well as the patients/survivors. That might be something that will help you right now.

Have you considered talking to her doctor about what's going on?

By the way, I am also a Christian. You will be in my prayers.


Posts: 29
Joined: Mar 2003


My husband has terminal cancer and acts similar to your wife. I go to support groups by myself and go to Hospice for counseling. He refuses to go. It is a big help in understanding. He shuts me out most of the time and I have had a hard time dealing with it. I am on a anti depressant and nerve pills to get through this. I suggest talking to counselors or the nurses in the oncology unit where you live. Mine have helped a lot. Good luck

Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2003

Hello, I can identify with your feelings and have included you and your family in my prayers. My daughter, only child, was diagnosed with cancer three years ago. Currently we are doing okay, but it has been a struggle. I am interested in what kind of things have helped you. I am compiling a wish list of helpfuls and surely would be interested in sharing and hearing.

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