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Dad with terminal cancer

Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2002

I'm new to the ACS support pages, but am very grateful for all it has to offer. My father has recently decided to end his chemotherapy treatments and will begin receiving Hospice care. I wanted to know if anyone has suggestions about literature and other material that might help me come to terms with his illness and the fact that he will be overcome by cancer. I'm feeling very helpless and don't think I'm dealing realistically with the subject of death. Is there anything out there to help one deal with the stages of terminal cancer without being completely engulfed in sadness? If anyone out there has any suggestions or advice, I would enormously appreciate their input.

Posts: 4
Joined: Nov 2002

Hello, I am also new to the support pages, but my, I wish I would have come here sooner. I am 24 and my mother passed away in Sept. of advanced bladder cancer. She had been diagnosed 4 months earlier. She started hospice and they told us it would be 3 months, a week later she died. The only thing that I could do was to read the literature our hospice nurses gave us. There was some info on the dying process and different stages one goes through when dying. I have to say, it did help me to understand the process and I felt better knowing what exactly was going on...I felt more prepared. You should receive a packet of information from your hospice nurses/social worker, and it should have different sources for you to read. If you would like, I can look up the different books in our packet. Let me know and good luck to you.

Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2002

I understand how helpless you are feeling, but you are never alone. I lost my Dad last October and I also just lost my Mom this past May. Family and friends that supported me were what got me through. We experienced staying at a place called the Hope Lodge while my dad was in the hospital and they were wonderful people. Any person that you come in contact with that is involved in hospice will somehow make you feel better. When my Mom was at the end and in hospice at the hospital we were surrounded by such caring people. They took such good care of her it was unbelievable. They took the time to talk to us. Nothing makes it easy but don't be afraid to ask questions and let people know how you feel. Remember that you're not alone.

Posts: 2
Joined: Dec 2002

exactly a year ago I was dealing with the same thing and hospice helped a whole lot the best advice I have is to talk to them They will give you all the information you need they are wonderful people My dad died this March and there really is no way to overcome the sadness you should let yourself feel what comes naturally there is no wrong way of dealing with it just make sure you talk to someone about the way you feel and tell your dad everything positive about him and it's ok if he sees you cry he wll expect it it will be one of the hardest things you will go through in your life so make sure you have some sort of support group(family,friends,counseling) and I love to share all the stories about my dad if you would like to chat we can help eachother cis943@quidnunc.net

Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2003

My mother passed away one year ago last November. She had the Chemo, the radiation, and was told nothing would help her any longer. She had fought 3 separate kinds of cancer, and the treatment was no longer effective and nothing else was available. We did everything we could to stop Hospice from coming, but we felt as if it was the beginning of her death process. But did you know, those people made a difference in her life. She enjoyed their visits, the chaplain visited each and every week. Between the family, and Hospice she passed away in Peace. I'll never forget her face, the moment she passed away. I had watched her struggle with the disease for 15 years, and what a fighter she was, but finally she found peace with it. Just know there are worse things than death. The suffering they go through is enormous at times, and mainly they do it for us, their family. Hospice will share information about your father's condition, just make sure someone is with your mother when they come. It's always best to listen as a group, during times of distress we sometimes don't hear things right. Draw support from your mother, brothers, sisters, and children.

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