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Family offering to adopt sisters..

Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2002

Hi friends I haven't met yet. :) I'm a 40 yo mom of 3; my daughter died of SIDS just before she was 1 yo. We've since had two awesome boys, now 9 and 11.

We realized after September 11th that our lives wouldn't be complete without adopting at least one girl, maybe two. I'm about to go through training to adopt through the state, but my heart has been leading me to see whether there are any children in this community who may need a family. Since I've experienced my daughter's mortality, I know that this is a sensitive subject.

I just feel that maybe one of you knows someone who is single mom who is in the late stages of cancer and doesn't have family able to adopt. As a mom, I can only imagine how reassuring it would be to find a loving, nurturing family to adopt the kids after he/she has passed over. Our loss happened almost 13 years ago, so we are well versed in dealing with grief issues and can help the kids get through the grief and remember their parent while allowing them to gentle adjust to becoming part of our family.

For any of you who feel offended by this, as though I'm trying to take advantage of someone else's tragedy, I assure you I'm not. I can think of no greater gift than offering peace-of-mind to someone who stays awake at night wondering who will take care of her daughter(s) when she's gone. I feel led here to offer this possibility, so please no negative posts.

Respectfully, Lori

Posts: 317
Joined: Apr 2002

Hi Lori...I come from a family with lots of adoption, so kudos to you for feeling that you can take in someone else's child and care for them as your own!!! Nothing negative here...you should be commended! God bless you and best wishes! Cyndi

Posts: 706
Joined: Jul 2001

Hi Lori:

My heart goes out to you in the loss of your
child. Although it was some years ago, I think the pain of losing a child is a lifelong sadness. My nephew was lost to sids
in infancy and it's such a sad loss.

I understand your feelings and intentions but I'm not sure that here is the best place to try to fulfill your family's longing to adopt a child. It seems a bit out of place somehow. But that's just my personal thoughts on the subject. As a survivor, I believe that most of us would want our children cared for by family or very close friends, should we lose our battle. I believe it would be very difficult to even consider connecting with a complete stranger
regarding the future care of our most precious children. Most single Mom's have sister's, brother's and parents to consider
as caregivers for their children, not to mention, the child's biological or step father considerations.

Battling cancer is a multi faceted, emotionally intense experience. One you cannot fully appreciate without having experienced it.

I hope that you will understand my feeling that your post here is out of bounds. Your desperation to adopt is appreciated but
it's ten months now since 9/11,when you say you realized that this is what you must do,
and I don't understand why you're no further along in the process yet.

These are just my own feelings about your inquiry here. It may be of interest to someone else who feels differently but it does seem that you're being a "bottom feeder" of sorts by using this particular resource to find a child to adopt. There are so very many adoption resources and I find it strange that you'd resort to this avenue. For what it's worth, that's how I feel.

Love, light and laughter,

marytres's picture
Posts: 145
Joined: May 2002

Dear Inkblot, I was shocked to read that message too and couldn't agree with you more. Good for you! I couldn't have said it better and agree with you 100%. Hugs, Marie

jbeardslee's picture
Posts: 76
Joined: Jul 2001

Hi Lori,
As an adoptive mom, I believe the process is something that no one totally understands until they are in it, sort of like those who have not dealt with cancer cannot understand our feelings concerning that disease. Hats off to you and your family. I hope everything works out for you.. - Judy

Posts: 19
Joined: May 2002


I believe your heart is in the right place in your desire to offer your home to children in need. However, I must agree with the others that responded to you that this network is probably not the appropriate place explore this. I believe this network is designed to support and encourage survivors and caregivers. This type of solicitation could cause some very painful and difficult issues that most of us are probably not qualified to handle.

I hope your training goes well and that you are able to work through the state adoption process successfully.


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