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Totally confused

wiseone
Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2002
May 03, 2002 - 12:20 pm

I had colon cancer back in 1988,had the chemo and the five year monitering afterwards
at the cancer clinic.It hasn't returned and they said that they got it all. My life has long been back on track,everything is going normally.So,I have a question to ask.Its been many years,so why am i still concerned that it may come back? I've looked at life differently since then, taking time to smell the roses, but there's always this sense of dread that it may come back,is this normal? And since then ,I had stage 1 testcular cancer,which means that I'm back doing the routine monitering again.Blood test, x-rays, CAT scans,the works. They say they got it.Am I the only one going through this? This has got me bugged, its brought old feelings of uncertainty again of my future back to the surface. All my checks have been fine,but that nagging feeling is still there.Is this normal?? Please Advise
toddpern
Posts: 16
 Joined: Mar 2002
May 04, 2002 - 1:54 am

Confused,
What stage was your colon cancer?
I know others who say they worry every time they go to the doctor too that their cancer will return. I guess what they do is every time they think of a reoccurance, immediately get it out of their mind and think positive thoughts. Your mind is a powerful thing. Instead of living in "what ifs", live in the moment. You never know if you'll be hit by a bus tomorrow or what have you. Everyone (whether they have/had cancer or not) needs to live day by day. Good luck.
wiseone
Posts: 3
 Joined: Apr 2002
May 06, 2002 - 11:55 am

Hi, it was long enough to be in my body for about 18 months. My weight had dropped down by at least 100 lbs, and i was told i had 2 months to live if i didn't have it taken out.
I will live in the moment, and will enjoy life alot more.thanks for the advice
ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1721
 Joined: Nov 2001
May 05, 2002 - 5:29 am

Hi Wiseone,may I join your club.I'm into year five as a survivor of stage three with 6 pos nodes,although I have no signs of the disease I can't get over the feeling that it is hiding in a dark place just waiting for me to get careless. The one bit of information that keeps haunting me is a statement made by a researcher. He said that you have to be quite unlucky to develop cancer as it usually requires a combination of around 9 things to go wrong all at once for cells to mutate, What worries me is that if it has occured once do you still fullfil the criteria for further mutation. I guess i'll just wake up again tomorrow and see how i'm going. Cheers Ron
willh
Posts: 6
 Joined: Mar 2002
May 07, 2002 - 4:38 pm

I am not sure as I am a newer diagnosis, but I have heard from several individuals, that this is a nagging question that is at the back of their minds. One individual has been cancer free for 20 years. I know when I overcome this first and only bout I will carry that concern with me the rest of my life but it will not force me to change anything. I will be forever grateful for the life that has been given to me.
wiseone
Posts: 3
 Joined: Apr 2002
May 13, 2002 - 10:37 pm

As will I,and as will every cancer survivor.Ever since this happened to me, i've learned to live in the moment, and enjoy life to its fullest.
vicmier
Posts: 10
 Joined: Apr 2002
May 07, 2002 - 9:08 pm

I'm with you. I had my suregery back in 97' and I still think about it. I know it has not been long and all, but I think that it is something that is with us for a long time. It sounds awful I know. Me and my mother were diagnosed with the same thing only a year apart, her first. Now I have two boys that I wonder everyday, "are they going to have this too?". Its not easy. I dont know if you have kids, but my biggest worry is them. If something else happens to me, so be it. But I wont be able to stand it seeing one of them go thru it. It would be unberable.
As for your question, Is it normal? I dont think so. It should'nt be normal that people have to go thru this. I had feeling come back up after being asked to participate in a Relay For Life recently. For a long time I had blocked it all out. Then I came to realize that I have to face it. I have to watch what I eat, and most of all that it is a part of me.
I should stop now. My feelings towards this can get out of hand.
I hope that this helped.
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