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how to help husband deal w/ his mom's cancer? I need advice

Posts: 3
Joined: Jul 2001

my mother in law and friend won't tell us her prognosis, is missng appointments etc. She survived the brain tumor surgery like a champ, very open and honest about things then, and thru radiation and chemo on lung. Now she won't tell us anything and has not seen a doctor in months. Tells my husband that it's none of his business, she's pushing us all away - on purpose- I think she is trying to go it alone. My husband and I want to talk to her, want to get her fighting again, want her to not give up...so many kids and grandkids love her and don't want to loose her. We don't know what to do!!! Don't want to upset her, but want to know what is going on. Any advice on what we should do??? Please!!!

Posts: 105
Joined: Nov 2000

Have you told her about how you all and the grandchildren feel about losing her? Or have you been trying to get her to deal with it for her own sake? If the latter (what I've done in the past with no success), I think the former's worth a try. Also, have you asked if you can talk with the doctor? Try asking because her illness and its progress are important things for your husband and children to know for the future, both to be sure they are vigilant about the cancers for which they have an increased risk.
You might also look into support groups for yourselves and possibly counseling. There is only so much you can "make" another person do, and in a case like this, some kind of counseling might help you deal with her.
I have an idea what you're going through because of a similar experience with my mother. Hang in there, and try to remember that while it *is* your business to a large extent, it's also out of your control.
Hope this helps. They're just my thoughts, and nothing works for everybody.
Hang in there.

Posts: 3
Joined: Jul 2001

thank you so much for the time and advice. We both immediately said: "she's right", and why didn't we think of that?? It made me feel a little less alone and a little less afraid of what to say. Thanks again, Carole

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