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First Anniversary of my best friend's death

Posts: 4
Joined: Apr 2001

My best friend, Sharon, died on April 22, 2000. I'm having a very difficult time as I was her best friend and caregiver and I am so lonely. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer five years ago. I was her caregiver then and we worked so hard to get well. She got well, her hair grew back, and she went back to teaching little kids which she loved to do very much. But a year ago last June they found the ovarian cancer in her liver. She had been in pain for quite a while before the spots showed up. She began chemo again and I began caregiving again. We were going to beat this again. I just knew it. The first chemo protocol seemed to be working. Her blood tests were good. I kept looking for ways to strengthen her to help her fight this. But just before Christmas, 1999 her CA125 had climbed. They would need to try something else. They tried one and then another. On April 7, 2000 the doctors said there was nothing more they could do. They had taken out all the big guns and that was all they could do. They said she could live for another 4 months. "Through the summer". Fifteen days later, Sharon died. The night before Easter. I feel I failed my best friend because I was sure I could find something to stop the cancer. But I didn't. As the anniversary gets closer, it is getting to hurt more and more. Are there any caregivers out there who can help me through this first anniversary. Sharon and I did so many things together. I was her maid of honor. I have been a second mother to her adopted daughter. We lived only four houses from each other. I was there every day to take care of her and her family. But she is gone and I miss her so much. I wrote a little poem in her memory in the middle of the night and I'd like to share it with anyone reading this.

In Memory of Sharon
April 22,2000

An angel came a-calling a year ago today, To pick up my best friend and take her far away.
She'd suffered long but never quit putting up a fight, Sharon went with the angel and with new wings took flight.
She was loved by many because her heart was so kind, A truer friend, wife, and mother is very hard to find.
She's been really missed this year, it hasn't been the same, Since the night before Easter morn, when the angel came.
Loved and truly missed.

Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2001

Not that I have words of wisdom- I just want to let you know I think you were a wonderful friend to Sharon. Time- I think is the only healer for your pain. You did everything possible to make Sharons time on earth as perfect as possible. Now the angels are doing your job.

The worst thing about being a caretaker of someone with Cancer is that you can't control what is happening and there is such a helpless feeling most of the time. A sense of humor seems to be my best answer.

You did a great job!!

Maybe the best thing you could do on her anniversary is to be with her children if that is possible. Maybe you all could plant a memory garden if able in your backyard or do something nice for a Cancer Survivor. Just some thoughts.

Well listen take care-
Our thoughts are with you.
George N' Jill

Posts: 4
Joined: Apr 2001

Thank you for your kind words. You maybe won't believe this but I "built" a memorial garden in my front yard. I put 8 Rose of Sharon bushes in the garden. A white picket fence is along the front and an arbor as an entrance to the garden. There is a water fountain in the back of the garden. Friends gathered on Sharon's 50th birthday to remember her. As I also lost my mother 2 months after Sharon died it is also in her memory. I'm getting ready to clean up the winter mess so I can get the benches back outside and sit in the garden. I must have felt vibes from you as I began reading a book on humor dealing with dying last night to try and get some positive things going. Thank you so much for your time and thoughts. Verlee

Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2001

Verlee- Great to hear back from you. Gosh- you've had a lot on your plate this past year. Sounds like you are pretty tough and are taking all the right steps to heal. The Garden I bet is perfect- I love the rose name. I think just working and cleaning the garden will be wonderful therapy. Sounds like also you have misson to keep the memories of Sharon alive- your off to a great start- You'll have to tell others about the book on humor. The first year anniversaries I understand are tough- you'll be just fine. Sharon is.
Take care- Day by Day (don't you just hate that- HA). Jill N' George

Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2001

Dear vsully:

My best friend is in immense pain this week and very scared. Her mom has been suffering from liver cancer and the doctors stated a few days ago that she had 2 months more and now they tell us she has 1-2 weeks. We are totally devastated.

I live more than 9000 miles away. I just returned a fortnight ago after taking 3 weeks off to spend with her and her mother. Once home, I receive such heartbreaking news. We had hope. We have tried everything.

I too feel I am failing my best friend now when she needs me the most, I am unable to return right away. And I know, should I ever lose her, I'd lose the one person I have ever trusted, respected and loved.

Your poem touched my heart. Brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry I didn't read your message earlier, but please know my best friend is a caregiver and adores her mother and I in turn love them both dearly. We are all very scared right now and trying so hard to deal with this the best we can.

As I continue to pray for my best friend and her mom, I shall say a prayer for Sharon and for you.

Kind regards.

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