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Vinnie's mom

Posts: 137
Joined: Aug 2000

Hello Vinnie. Oh, how I do feel for you. My mom died on March 8. It was sudden, very quick, but I had to make decisions before she died that my brothers were not capable to do. I made the decision to take her home with me to live for eight years before she got so sick she had to go to a nursing home. It always bothered me that my mom would die in a nursing home. But, she learned to love it there, made new friends, and enjoyed all the activities. The year I had cancer I kinda dropped out of going to see her to protect her from how sick the chemo was making me. But I talked to her frequently on the phone. She and I got fairly close and I am so thankful for that. My niece told me one day that she had started making my brother (the oldest) say "I love you" to her whenever she left. I thought that was a wonderful idea and have since applied it to my mother. She was never one to speak of her feelings, you just knew it. But she learned to say "I love you" back. At the funeral home when all the arrangements were being made, I would make a suggestion while my brothers sat quietly and they would agree. I am the #2 child. I don't like having to make decisions like that. Then at the actual visitation, we only had graveside services, I was the first one there. I got to talk to her, even though she couldn't hear me, and it helped. You see, I have guilt feelings also, that I did not take care of my mother until the end. She took care of her mother who was bedridden for the last year of her life. Why couldn't I have been as strong?

Anyway, you have all my heartfelt sympathy. I can only imagine how you feel, especially with having to stop life support. You are in my prayers, Vinnie. You will get through this, and you don't need to feel guilty. Your mom knew you loved her and cared about her, and that's all moms really want anyway.

Much love to you and your family. Jane

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