Advice for developing resentment towards sibling that won't help?

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Eschwartz
Eschwartz CSN Member Posts: 1 *
in Caregivers #1

My mom waited two years to tell me about a sore on her breast. My brother knew the whole time. Once I found out, I took her to the ER and she was diagnosed with cancer that spread everywhere. She had multiple surgeries and it was determined she had breast cancer with at least the estrogen and Her2 receptors where she can receive the best treatments. She received chemo for the first time today. She is currently in a rehab center but will be released soon

My brother lives 10 hours away from my mom where I only live 3 which makes me the primary care-giver. My brother does not help at all. He claims to not be able to help due to "his life" yet doesn't have children like I do and flies all over the country for events with his friends.

When he does decide to be involved, he and his wife take control and do not respect mine and my husbands insight.

I am exhausted, overwhelmed, and miss my family back home. I haven't seen my daughter already in 3 weeks due to caretaking reasons and it will be longer. How do I prevent resentment, besides, therapy, from forming? I went through resentment towards my brother when my dad died and we figured things out. I really don't want to repeat history.

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  • bibliophile
    bibliophile CSN Member Posts: 40 Member
    #2

    You say that you figured things out with your brother after your dad died. I am guessing that means that at some point you had a hard conversation about issues and how they made you feel. Would your brother be open to a conversation like that now? Is he the kind of person who is well-meaning but just blind to other people's needs and if you point out some of the ways that you need support he will step up? If he is not that kind of person will telling him your needs and just pointing out how it makes you feel when he isn't willing to help make you feel better even if he doesn't change? Families are just hard, even the best of families. Sometimes people don't want to help because it scares them to see what is going on. That is not fair to the person who is left with all the caregiving, but I hope that you all can find a way to become closer as a family through this. Wishing you the best! We would also love to see you on the chat again at night if you find that useful. It is a really great group of people!

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