So, today's events... A rant.

levigurl481

Today, I helped my mom clean her hair. About a week ago, she had a craniotomy, where they removed a tumor about the size of a marble. This week, she was finally allowed to wash her hair. However, my mother has very frizzy, curly hair that does not brush or detangle easily, so you can imagine that after about 2 hours of brushing and conditioning, she was able to wash out the dried blood, oil, and dirt. My father installed a hand-held showert nozzle for her but it's too high so I have to help her reach it. I don't mind helping my mom, it's strange but she and I are bonding over all of this. Even with being told exactly how to do things and the ever constant bickering, I believe we are learning from eachother no matter how slow the process maybe. Who knows...

Anyway, after all was said and done, I cleaned the bathroom and got dressed to go to school to study. My academic load and my father have never gotten along. He believes that I study too much and don't help out enough. Just to preface, I am studying pre-med courses. Even today, he told me that I go to school to study and just "sit on my ****" all day. He told me that being over weight and not moving enough will cause me to have cancer too and I will die. He also told me that no one will take me seriously as a doctor if I am unhealthy. The converstaion went further to say that I need to wear looser clothing because not one wants to see the rolls of fat on my back. All I could do was nod and say, "Okay."

I have always been over-weight and yes, lately, it has gotten out of control. I admit that. I am not afraid to say things need to change but with everything going on, I am trying to find balance in all of this. Everyday, I am exhausted and am having a hard time focusing. If I'm not studying, I am helping at home. I dont' have a lot of time to go to the gym or even have fun. I am also not very good at cramming informaton into my head, so studying takes longer for me. I just don't know what to do. It seems like everything is wrong right now and if one more thing is added to my plate, it will spill out everywhere. I don't know what to do and I'm worried that depression may result from this.

Noellesmom

First of all

Take a deep breath. Exhale.

It is great you are able to help your mom during this.

It is sad your dad sucks so much.

Honestly. Some people.

Please take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. Your mom is your dad's responsibility, not yours.

Study, study and study some more. You have a tough goal but you know you can make it.

And have some fun. Everyone needs some down time.yf2vG 

JerzyGrrl

Balance?!

LeviGurl, good for you for having good enough sense to not talk back at your dad. Doesn't sound as though that'd be any good for any one. 

OF COURSE it's hard to concentrate! OF COURSE you're strapped for time! OF COURSE you're exhausted. OF COURSE you're concerned about possible depression. Those are all reasonable for a full-time pre-med student who's caregiving for a mom with cancer and living with a dad who is angry.  When you're stressed, your body craves simple carbs and not moving (If you haven't had the class yet that tells about the carb-craving stress studies, you will one of these days soon). 

Do they have a student health center where you could talk to someone (and maybe have someone buddy or mentor you) about your studying vs your caregiving vs your health? Please do what you have to do to take care of you, too.

KarenL12

It sounds like you really need some support. I agree with Balance that it would be good to find the student health center and look into help for depression anxiety and possibly counseling if needed. You are under a lot of stress. Hang in there. you are doing the very best you can! And it's really hard to live with mean people!