6 months cancer free - but can't seem to function....what the heck?!

williadk

Diagnosed in 12/2010 - Stage 3, ER/PR positive - lymph nodes positive. So removed lots of lymph nodes, double mastectomy with reconstruction. But first 16 rounds of chemo. Adriamycin, Cytoxan and Taxol. All done in 2011. Had my reconstruction in January of this year.

ANYWAY.....I have read on a previous post about the whole chemo/fog brain still lingering with many up to two years after. I do still feel that. Hate it!! It's actually become a joke now when I stop mid sentence because I can't think of a word.

But the biggest surprise is how I'm functioning in life - I seem to get overwhelmed VERY easily. Can't multitask. If life gets a little busy I start getting anxious just thinking about what needs to be done. I used to never be that way. I was one who had my hands in and on everything and managed just fine. I'm guessing this is my "new normal?"

I am 46 - and they had to take my ovaries because it was hormone positive cancer so it has thrown me into menopause. On meds to help with that.

Just wondering if anyone else has went through anything like that??

Thanks for any input!! Love these boards....I gain so much from them!! Only been on a few weeks, but already feel connected to some of you!

Debbie

eihtak

HI
Don't feel bad, even people who have never gone through any type of cancer treatment have foggy brains...at least we have excuses! Most definately the menopause, chemo, surgery all mess with our minds. I try to convince myself its mind over matter, and will my head to think like before but.....tho the brain is a muscle that needs to be exercised back into shape just like the rest of our body. Some people say its smart to challenge yourself with tasks that involve more thought process like mathematical, or following more detailed instructions, learning a new job, I don't know, lots to pick from I guess. About 6months after chemo I started a yoga class. I don't know if thats it or not, but I always feel more clear headed and less anxious when I practice it daily, but if for some reason I miss a few days I start to get all weird headed again. We do have a new normal, but life was not meant to be that hard, reward yourself everyday in some small way for moving forward and taking on this so called beast. I don't like to think too long about the days I felt the worst, yet they should also not be forgotten as they have played such a huge part in making us who we are today. If you really can't get a control on the anxiety please discuss this with your doc.....you have been through a great deal and sometimes people need medication or counseling to get to a good place. Please keep in touch, we are all here for each other! As always, all in my prayers.

New Flower

eihtak said:

HI
Don't feel bad, even people who have never gone through any type of cancer treatment have foggy brains...at least we have excuses! Most definately the menopause, chemo, surgery all mess with our minds. I try to convince myself its mind over matter, and will my head to think like before but.....tho the brain is a muscle that needs to be exercised back into shape just like the rest of our body. Some people say its smart to challenge yourself with tasks that involve more thought process like mathematical, or following more detailed instructions, learning a new job, I don't know, lots to pick from I guess. About 6months after chemo I started a yoga class. I don't know if thats it or not, but I always feel more clear headed and less anxious when I practice it daily, but if for some reason I miss a few days I start to get all weird headed again. We do have a new normal, but life was not meant to be that hard, reward yourself everyday in some small way for moving forward and taking on this so called beast. I don't like to think too long about the days I felt the worst, yet they should also not be forgotten as they have played such a huge part in making us who we are today. If you really can't get a control on the anxiety please discuss this with your doc.....you have been through a great deal and sometimes people need medication or counseling to get to a good place. Please keep in touch, we are all here for each other! As always, all in my prayers.

Hi Debbie
Welcome to the board
I have had similar diagnosis four yes ago stage III C at the age of 46. I had huge size tumor, 10 positive lymph nodes, 1.6 centimeters tumor under armpit. I underwent all possible treatments four surgeries for breast and lymph nodes, mastectomy, reconstruction, 6 chemo cycles two drug combo,
Radiation, antiestrogen therapy. It took me more than 12 months to recover. I found my new normal and happy where I am
I was a queen of multitasking , I am not anymore. I have developed my own system and focusing at one activity at the time.
Keep working on your coming back physically and intellectually. It take time, dedication, special practice and training for memory. You can also take drugs to improve concentration which, can be prescribed by doctor

I am keeping my ovary for now as my gynecologist explained that menopause side effects will be worst.
Good luck with your recovery and journey.
New Flower

DebbyM

New Flower said:

Hi Debbie
Welcome to the board
I have had similar diagnosis four yes ago stage III C at the age of 46. I had huge size tumor, 10 positive lymph nodes, 1.6 centimeters tumor under armpit. I underwent all possible treatments four surgeries for breast and lymph nodes, mastectomy, reconstruction, 6 chemo cycles two drug combo,
Radiation, antiestrogen therapy. It took me more than 12 months to recover. I found my new normal and happy where I am
I was a queen of multitasking , I am not anymore. I have developed my own system and focusing at one activity at the time.
Keep working on your coming back physically and intellectually. It take time, dedication, special practice and training for memory. You can also take drugs to improve concentration which, can be prescribed by doctor

I am keeping my ovary for now as my gynecologist explained that menopause side effects will be worst.
Good luck with your recovery and journey.
New Flower

I think we all go through
I think we all go through this. Going thru the diagnosis of bc and everything that goes with it is absolutely mind boggling. We are faced with so many decisions and need to keep ourselves in fight mode.

Try not to worry about being the way "you used to be" so much. Just focus on yourself as of today and do the best that you can. I am sure that menopause isn't helping you any. Be kind to yourself and realize that you've already gone through a lot.

Talk to your oncologist about this and see if there is any way that he can help you, possibly with some meds.

Good luck to you!


Hugs, Debby

ksf56

Hi Debbie!
Welcome to this site - you'll find a wealth of information and support!

Yes, my brain has taken a hike too! I sure hope it finds where it belongs. I find myself losing a word or sentence - names are super challenging! I write lists more and I wish for an answer though, to figuring out why I am in a particular place in my house when I know I was headed there for a reason. I guess I have to navigate this new season of being me. I'm 3 months out of finishing treatment - surgery, chemo and radiation - so I should cut myself some slack at this point. As you should. Think about what we've all been through. Talk about a life altering experience! Emotions are screwed up - coping skills have been put to the test - we're bound to have a few changes in who we are, right?

So, you're not alone in this trek to find yourself - we're here with you! Hopefully my search for my brain will be helped by writing and communicating with all these wonderful warriors - you included!

Hugs!
Karen

williadk

New Flower said:

Hi Debbie
Welcome to the board
I have had similar diagnosis four yes ago stage III C at the age of 46. I had huge size tumor, 10 positive lymph nodes, 1.6 centimeters tumor under armpit. I underwent all possible treatments four surgeries for breast and lymph nodes, mastectomy, reconstruction, 6 chemo cycles two drug combo,
Radiation, antiestrogen therapy. It took me more than 12 months to recover. I found my new normal and happy where I am
I was a queen of multitasking , I am not anymore. I have developed my own system and focusing at one activity at the time.
Keep working on your coming back physically and intellectually. It take time, dedication, special practice and training for memory. You can also take drugs to improve concentration which, can be prescribed by doctor

I am keeping my ovary for now as my gynecologist explained that menopause side effects will be worst.
Good luck with your recovery and journey.
New Flower

Thanks New Flower for the
Thanks New Flower for the input!! I'm finding that "new normal" is a cancer survivor's term to live by!! I'm focusing on one thing at a time now and trying to let myself off of the hook for not being able to take on what I did before. I've even stepped down from some things just to lighten up my life!! These mental battles can be just as tough as the physical ones!! Whew!! ;-)

I lost both my ovaries because of hormone positive cancer - so I'm being pushed and shoved into menopause like it or not - that certainly doesn't help!!

Thanks again for taking the time to respond!! It helped!
deb

williadk

eihtak said:

HI
Don't feel bad, even people who have never gone through any type of cancer treatment have foggy brains...at least we have excuses! Most definately the menopause, chemo, surgery all mess with our minds. I try to convince myself its mind over matter, and will my head to think like before but.....tho the brain is a muscle that needs to be exercised back into shape just like the rest of our body. Some people say its smart to challenge yourself with tasks that involve more thought process like mathematical, or following more detailed instructions, learning a new job, I don't know, lots to pick from I guess. About 6months after chemo I started a yoga class. I don't know if thats it or not, but I always feel more clear headed and less anxious when I practice it daily, but if for some reason I miss a few days I start to get all weird headed again. We do have a new normal, but life was not meant to be that hard, reward yourself everyday in some small way for moving forward and taking on this so called beast. I don't like to think too long about the days I felt the worst, yet they should also not be forgotten as they have played such a huge part in making us who we are today. If you really can't get a control on the anxiety please discuss this with your doc.....you have been through a great deal and sometimes people need medication or counseling to get to a good place. Please keep in touch, we are all here for each other! As always, all in my prayers.

Thanks for your input!! I
Thanks for your input Eihtak!! I am going to try yoga! I've been working on getting my stamina and strength back, so yoga would help in all aspects I'm sure!! I did discuss with my onc, but gotta say, I'm disappointed in her. Now that we are past the 'cancer treatment' it's as though she's lost interest! My follow ups now are very basic. But I do have an appt with a counselor next week just to talk it through!! Thanks again!

williadk

DebbyM said:

I think we all go through
I think we all go through this. Going thru the diagnosis of bc and everything that goes with it is absolutely mind boggling. We are faced with so many decisions and need to keep ourselves in fight mode.

Try not to worry about being the way "you used to be" so much. Just focus on yourself as of today and do the best that you can. I am sure that menopause isn't helping you any. Be kind to yourself and realize that you've already gone through a lot.

Talk to your oncologist about this and see if there is any way that he can help you, possibly with some meds.

Good luck to you!


Hugs, Debby

Thanks DebbyM - that's my
Thanks DebbyM - that's my new way of looking at things - being kind to myself. Gotta take care of me; I think it's okay to be a little selfish at the moment!! I'm working on stop beating myself up for not being able to do the things I used to!! I'll get there again - patience is not something I'm good at!! ;-)

Thanks for your input!

williadk

ksf56 said:

Hi Debbie!
Welcome to this site - you'll find a wealth of information and support!

Yes, my brain has taken a hike too! I sure hope it finds where it belongs. I find myself losing a word or sentence - names are super challenging! I write lists more and I wish for an answer though, to figuring out why I am in a particular place in my house when I know I was headed there for a reason. I guess I have to navigate this new season of being me. I'm 3 months out of finishing treatment - surgery, chemo and radiation - so I should cut myself some slack at this point. As you should. Think about what we've all been through. Talk about a life altering experience! Emotions are screwed up - coping skills have been put to the test - we're bound to have a few changes in who we are, right?

So, you're not alone in this trek to find yourself - we're here with you! Hopefully my search for my brain will be helped by writing and communicating with all these wonderful warriors - you included!

Hugs!
Karen

Thanks Karen for taking the
Thanks Karen for taking the time to respond!! I appreciate everybody who has commented!! When I get depressed about my lack of abilities, my husband does remind me of what I've went through last year and even how far I've come from this time last year to now!! I'm just not patient and feel like I have all this living to make up for!! I'm learning - taking it a day at a time!!

Thanks again!! Your words as with the other ladies are valuable to me!!

Debbie

SIROD

A Little bit of PTSD
Dear Debbie,

While you were going through your treatments for BC, you held it together. Now that it's over, your feel some mild form of PTSD. As time goes by, your confidence will come back and a lot of your old self will return. A diagnose of BC does keep one hostage for many, many years. Every time, one has back pain, a persistent headache, unexplained pain, one thinks "it's back". Only to learn it is just a backache, headache and etc. with a every day reason.

The majority of women who are diagnose with breast cancer do go on to live a regular life without a recurrence. That is a fact that is good to remember when your down.

Wishing you good health for another 46 years.

Doris

VickiSam

SIROD said:

A Little bit of PTSD
Dear Debbie,

While you were going through your treatments for BC, you held it together. Now that it's over, your feel some mild form of PTSD. As time goes by, your confidence will come back and a lot of your old self will return. A diagnose of BC does keep one hostage for many, many years. Every time, one has back pain, a persistent headache, unexplained pain, one thinks "it's back". Only to learn it is just a backache, headache and etc. with a every day reason.

The majority of women who are diagnose with breast cancer do go on to live a regular life without a recurrence. That is a fact that is good to remember when your down.

Wishing you good health for another 46 years.

Doris

August 14, 2009 .. is when I received my
diagnosis of breast cancer ... DCIS/Her2neu. 18 consecutive weekly treatments of
TCH, which Herceptin continued for 1 year. Bilateral, reconstruction, Staph infection,
removal of 1 tissue expander, modified construction .. etc, etc. and I still fight
fatigue, and brain freezes.

I entered remission in January 2010, and to this day, 3 years after ending the Chemo and surgeries (8 total in 13 months, I still find myself suffering of sudden fatigue episodes,
and mental blankness. I could be well for months and then it hits...and it stops me on my tracks...I am down for days and I feel so depressed and helpless...I try to explain others what I am going through and I can't find the right words or feelings to describe it. I know I am not the only one..I know there are many of you out there that go through the same and can't seem to make others understand what you are experiencing... So I've stopped trying. Now,
I say .. I can't do that today, maybe tomorrow or next week.

I am 100% behind what New Flower stated .. we need to push ourselves both mentality,
and physically - EVERYDAY.

Doris .. brought up an excellent point which I often thought of, but never verbalized.
Mild form of PTSD - BRILLIANT!!!

Keeping on fighting, never giving in or giving up~!

Strength, Courage and Hope for a Cure.

Vicki Sam