the drugs don't work :(

Mum2bellaandwilliam

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToQ0n3itoII&ob=av2e

this song means so much to me xxxx love you mum xxx

EvelynM

Thinking of you Liz. Have a
Thinking of you Liz. Have a big hug from me. I can't imagine how you're feeling but I know I'll be in your shoes soon and it scares me senseless. xxx

Mum2bellaandwilliam

EvelynM said:

Thinking of you Liz. Have a
Thinking of you Liz. Have a big hug from me. I can't imagine how you're feeling but I know I'll be in your shoes soon and it scares me senseless. xxx

I think maybe I shouldn't
I think maybe I shouldn't have posted this song.
The drugs can work ,for some women, but for mum they worked for a very short while,the third lot of chemo made her sooooooooooooo bad and I believe killed her if her blood count had not been so low from topo maybe she would have fought of the pheumonia????? I will never know, I guess I am going through the questions phase of what if ???
the day before she died I went to my sisters and saw her , she didn't look like my mum and I walked out of her room and said to my sister she looks like she is dying, I wonder should I have said there and then that we should call for an ambulance, would it have made a difference????(ambulance was called for a few hours later after a doctor had called to the house)
Then in the hospital , after the doctors asked if mum wanted to be resusitated and she said yes, the doctors then told us it would be futile and that we were of sound body and mind and that we should just let her die and make that desicion for her(by the way after the docs asked her , 10 mins after they left the roonm she manage to whisper to us she would like to e resusitsated I think she new still the implications of what they were asking her) , I wonder if they had of resusitated her she could have held on???????
I just have all these questions now and I know I need to think we did the best we could at the time , but I can't help but feel we could have done more , we were robbed of time to think.
I just feel like this whole thing has been such a fraud , my mother did not die from cancer , but basically as a side effect of the chemo (Neutropenia sepsis.)The neutropenia sepsis meant she couldn't fight of the pheumonia.
Sorry to rant on to you all , please all go and kick this bastards arse for me and mum.
Yours angry and confused XXXLIZXXX

anicca

Mum2bellaandwilliam said:

I think maybe I shouldn't
I think maybe I shouldn't have posted this song.
The drugs can work ,for some women, but for mum they worked for a very short while,the third lot of chemo made her sooooooooooooo bad and I believe killed her if her blood count had not been so low from topo maybe she would have fought of the pheumonia????? I will never know, I guess I am going through the questions phase of what if ???
the day before she died I went to my sisters and saw her , she didn't look like my mum and I walked out of her room and said to my sister she looks like she is dying, I wonder should I have said there and then that we should call for an ambulance, would it have made a difference????(ambulance was called for a few hours later after a doctor had called to the house)
Then in the hospital , after the doctors asked if mum wanted to be resusitated and she said yes, the doctors then told us it would be futile and that we were of sound body and mind and that we should just let her die and make that desicion for her(by the way after the docs asked her , 10 mins after they left the roonm she manage to whisper to us she would like to e resusitsated I think she new still the implications of what they were asking her) , I wonder if they had of resusitated her she could have held on???????
I just have all these questions now and I know I need to think we did the best we could at the time , but I can't help but feel we could have done more , we were robbed of time to think.
I just feel like this whole thing has been such a fraud , my mother did not die from cancer , but basically as a side effect of the chemo (Neutropenia sepsis.)The neutropenia sepsis meant she couldn't fight of the pheumonia.
Sorry to rant on to you all , please all go and kick this bastards arse for me and mum.
Yours angry and confused XXXLIZXXX

I know how you feel, in
I know how you feel, in part, at least. I went to visit my dear 90 year old aunt and arrived to find her paralyzed in bed from a massive stroke. The doctor came and said she wouldn't last the night. Fortunately, my husband came and got our daughter who had come with me, and a cousin came to sit vigil with me. My aunt lasted 6 days with no sustenance. She was semi-conscious, and we couldn't tell if she was responsive or not, not even a clear blink or squeeze of the hand. She had been firm about not wanting any extraordinary means, but when you are sitting there with this horrible situation, it's very hard not to second guess. I was upset over it for years, but ultimately, I realized that my cousin and I had done our best, and that nothing would have brought our aunt back to a meaningful life.

There is no cure for ovarian cancer. Those are very hard words to write, to say, to think, but it is the truth. It is also true that the treatment itself can kill, and so we are between a rock and a hard place. There is no blame to be assigned here, it is just life. Give yourself time and stay strong.

DB

LaundryQueen

anicca said:

I know how you feel, in
I know how you feel, in part, at least. I went to visit my dear 90 year old aunt and arrived to find her paralyzed in bed from a massive stroke. The doctor came and said she wouldn't last the night. Fortunately, my husband came and got our daughter who had come with me, and a cousin came to sit vigil with me. My aunt lasted 6 days with no sustenance. She was semi-conscious, and we couldn't tell if she was responsive or not, not even a clear blink or squeeze of the hand. She had been firm about not wanting any extraordinary means, but when you are sitting there with this horrible situation, it's very hard not to second guess. I was upset over it for years, but ultimately, I realized that my cousin and I had done our best, and that nothing would have brought our aunt back to a meaningful life.

There is no cure for ovarian cancer. Those are very hard words to write, to say, to think, but it is the truth. It is also true that the treatment itself can kill, and so we are between a rock and a hard place. There is no blame to be assigned here, it is just life. Give yourself time and stay strong.

DB

You made the right decision
Liz: I would be angry, too, if I were in your shoes. That's part of the whole grieving process. Of course your mum wanted to be resuscitated AND she wanted to live out her life without cancer, too. She wasn't ready to leave the planet when her time ran out.

I have been at the bedside of too many people who should have been allowed to die peacefully but the family wanted a big effort made even though there was no hope at all of survival. That's an awful thing to see. You allowed your mum to have a peaceful death--that was your last gift to her.

Doing chemo is a gamble for all of us. But then, so is driving your car across town. Your mum did everything possible to prolong her life & you were a great comfort to her. She didn't know she was dying but you did. Please don't blame yourself for any of your decisions.

Cafewoman53

Do not worry
You made the right decision, usually when someone looks like they are dying they are. My Grandmother looked like she was dying when I saw her in the hospital and the next day she was gone.
Chemo-related infections are as likely to kill you as much as the cancer itself, it is just part of our situation. I am the mother in my scenario and if it was hopeless and the Dr asked me I would want my children to override my decision and use their best judgement as you did. AND I would not want them to question whatever they decided. Hugs and peace.
Colleen

poopergirl14052

Cafewoman53 said:

Do not worry
You made the right decision, usually when someone looks like they are dying they are. My Grandmother looked like she was dying when I saw her in the hospital and the next day she was gone.
Chemo-related infections are as likely to kill you as much as the cancer itself, it is just part of our situation. I am the mother in my scenario and if it was hopeless and the Dr asked me I would want my children to override my decision and use their best judgement as you did. AND I would not want them to question whatever they decided. Hugs and peace.
Colleen

I agree
..I to have been by many dying people who had no chance..but family members wanted everything done. One resident pulled out his trach and feeding tube,,he was trying to tell us to let him die his way because he was suffering. Finally the family gave in to his wished and he passed away peacefully. Please don't second guess yourself Liz..you did what was in your heart...val