My Mother's service is today...SHAME ON MSKCC>>Her doctor never even called us to say anything. How

Lisa13Q

Hi everyone....I am sending slide show to Hissy Fitz to distribute somehow....Thanks for everything...I feel like I am going to throw up....Mom's oncologist for almost 2 years never even called to say "my condolences"....not once....nothing....this after our last visit there involved waiting 4 hours for chemo, while Mom had fracture in her back.....I am disgusted with MSK...they may be a cancer fighting center, but their approach to people truly is abhorrent....we are asking for donations to go to YAle who is searching for a cure....they had a patient advocate there who was wonderful, but i think it's insulting that we have received condolences from everyone, except her doctor? How does that work? I want you all to know this as you're making decisions about treatment...they might be a cancer fighting machine, but they miss the mark A LOT on people issues....sorry to ****....but ... I am not in a happy mood toady and we thought for sure, we would at least get some acknowledgement from her doctor...am I way out of line here?

Cafewoman53

Terrible
Lisa I am so sorry for the lack of compassion from your Moms' dr. You are right it is classless. Don't let it add to your distress over the loss of your Mother. I am so sorry for your loss.
Colleen

stella65

Sorry
I am so sorry you are feeling like this on top of losing your mum but please don't let this eat away at you, I can understand that you feel as you do but it will not help you, let it go for now and focus on your happy memories of your mum, of which I am sure there are many X

kayandok

I am so sorry
to hear this LIsa!!!
Warm hugs,
kathleen

clamryn

You are NOT out of line.
Lisa, I am so sorry. I have been thinking about you all day. I pray the services for your mom went okay. I know it was hard.

You know we see these doctor's all the time. It makes me wonder if they care what we are going through or if it is just a day at work for them. It really bothers me. We tear our souls out to them. Do you think they are listening???

Hang on Lisa,
Linda

jbeans888

I think the doctor not
I think the doctor not calling with condolences is a bunch of BS! I mean they where there to help save her life, be part of her support during her hard battle and now it's over. They could have at least commended her to you. I think they forget that sometimes it's not all just business.

carolenk

jbeans888 said:

I think the doctor not
I think the doctor not calling with condolences is a bunch of BS! I mean they where there to help save her life, be part of her support during her hard battle and now it's over. They could have at least commended her to you. I think they forget that sometimes it's not all just business.

Sure it sucks, I agree, and
Sure it sucks, I agree, and maybe you are way too jacked up about this, Lisa. I feel badly for you.

It is possible that the doctor did call but you didn't get the call. That's happened to me before thanks to the wonders of cell phone technology.

You've got a lot of anger to process of course and the doctor's a pretty safe target for all that anger...but being angry is likely doing more damage to you than it is to him.

I hope you are getting some sleep.

Carolen

lindaprocopio

carolenk said:

Sure it sucks, I agree, and
Sure it sucks, I agree, and maybe you are way too jacked up about this, Lisa. I feel badly for you.

It is possible that the doctor did call but you didn't get the call. That's happened to me before thanks to the wonders of cell phone technology.

You've got a lot of anger to process of course and the doctor's a pretty safe target for all that anger...but being angry is likely doing more damage to you than it is to him.

I hope you are getting some sleep.

Carolen

(((Lisa)))) Anger is justified but please re-read Carolen post
((((Lisa))). You have my sincere condolences at the grief and suffering and loss so apparent in your post. I hope each day that passes that the pain softens a tad to something more bearable/

I think of my own oncologist, and the time he called me on a Sunday when he had good news on a scan. Or the little skip in his step when he dashed back to the chemo infusion lounge with good news on my labs. He actually told me that he "gains great strength from me" and that "it has been his priviledge to care for me". (This was in response to my taking the time to express that, although he was unable to CURE me when he sure did try at first, I truly appreciate the skill he has used to keep me symptom-free and with such a high quality of life thoughout the years of endless treatment.) If my oncologist didn't express GENUINE sadness at my passing, I know my family would be upset. I can easily see them reacting like you are. But please re-read Carolen's post; she says it well. You are in the grips of intense mourning; that magnifies every slight so much. ((((Lisa))))

mopar

SORRY LISA
Please don't give the doctor so much of your energy and time. Just focus on getting through this difficult time and remember your dear Mom with wonderful thoughts and memories.

I remember when my Dad passed away my Mom and I were so upset that we never received one work, card or call from their doctor who had treated them for over 30 years. And they new he had died suddently in the hospital because their associate had seen my Dad for about 5 minutes. Then, when my Mom passed of colon cancer, and by that time they were her physician for over 40 years, not a word in any way, shape or form. Somehow, if something ever happened to me, I don't know if my oncologist or the office would ever acknowledge it, and I consider him the best in his field and the most compassionate. Who knows - maybe they have a 'code' that says 'we have far too many patients to acknowledge deaths every time it happens'.

Either way, Lisa, please just take care of yourself now. And I hope that Carlene is able to share the slide show with us. I'd love to see it.

(((HUGS)))
Monika

poopergirl14052

mopar said:

SORRY LISA
Please don't give the doctor so much of your energy and time. Just focus on getting through this difficult time and remember your dear Mom with wonderful thoughts and memories.

I remember when my Dad passed away my Mom and I were so upset that we never received one work, card or call from their doctor who had treated them for over 30 years. And they new he had died suddently in the hospital because their associate had seen my Dad for about 5 minutes. Then, when my Mom passed of colon cancer, and by that time they were her physician for over 40 years, not a word in any way, shape or form. Somehow, if something ever happened to me, I don't know if my oncologist or the office would ever acknowledge it, and I consider him the best in his field and the most compassionate. Who knows - maybe they have a 'code' that says 'we have far too many patients to acknowledge deaths every time it happens'.

Either way, Lisa, please just take care of yourself now. And I hope that Carlene is able to share the slide show with us. I'd love to see it.

(((HUGS)))
Monika

Lisa I am sorry
you are having such a hard time dealing with your Mom's passing. This is a normal process of grieving..disbelief, sorrow, anger. You are feeling what you need to feel right now and this is normal. I hope you can find some comfort and peace. I really don't think Dr. get to emotionally attached to their patients and they deal with losing a patient ina different way. Please take care of yourself and remember I am here for you..val