Here's A Funny One Regarding Hair (Only Us Chemo Survivors have a simpler way)
creampuff91344
Member Posts: 988
This was sent to me today by a dear friend who seldom makes me laugh. However, this was so funny I had to pass it along. Those of us who have had chemo and lost our hair should be grateful we don't have to go through this ordeal....but it still made me laugh so hard I was crying. Enjoy!
===========================================================================
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
Read on..........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Fix dinner, watch the grand kids come and go. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should get the waxing kit from the medicine cabinet.
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together.
Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin Extraordinaire!
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the family, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my granny panties and place one foot on the toilet..
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and
Stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!......OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP!
Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out..... I must stay conscious...I must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe.... OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... it's not!
I touch.. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake ... Remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop...My head may pop off!'
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand in the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right ???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub..... In scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the AT&T man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.
So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now ... I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.....
the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!! The scream probably woke the family and scared the dickens out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.......how bad can that turn out??
===========================================================================
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
Read on..........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Fix dinner, watch the grand kids come and go. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should get the waxing kit from the medicine cabinet.
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together.
Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin Extraordinaire!
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the family, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my granny panties and place one foot on the toilet..
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and
Stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!......OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP!
Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out..... I must stay conscious...I must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe.... OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... it's not!
I touch.. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake ... Remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop...My head may pop off!'
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand in the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right ???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub..... In scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the AT&T man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.
So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now ... I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.....
the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!! The scream probably woke the family and scared the dickens out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.......how bad can that turn out??
0
Comments
-
Waxing
OMG. That is too funny. My eyes are watering more than usual. Thanks for the laugh. IRENE0 -
Too Too FunnyKatmy said:I just had a treatment
I just had a treatment today and needed a laugh. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will read this multiple times over the course of my week. Can't thank your friend enough for sharing. I've done the wax kit thing. Yep. How funny.
OMG,I couldn't read for my eyes tearing up i had to keep stopping and regain my composure.I definitly will be reading it over, thank you thank you thank you. MOLLYZ0 -
This one had me laughing out
This one had me laughing out loud!
Nancy0 -
LaughBioAdoptMom said:This one had me laughing out
This one had me laughing out loud!
Nancy
Yesterday was a down day for me also, and when I received this post I literally woke my husband up from his nap. I was laughing so hard that I had to stop reading, and go back to finish it after I had gotten up and walked a bit. Hope it brings a smile to lots of faces. Hugs, Judy0 -
lmao
LOL OMG I can't stop laughing thank you so much I so needed a good laugh xoxoxoxo0 -
I can't stop laughing!ElizabethB said:lmao
LOL OMG I can't stop laughing thank you so much I so needed a good laugh xoxoxoxo
I can't stop laughing! Thanks so much for sharing that.
You're friend needs to write for a living and I would love to meet her!
Hugs,
Wanda0 -
LOLskipper54 said:can't stop
I just cant' stop laughing. The only thing funnier than reading this story is the series of pictures that goes through my mind.
Thanks for the comic relief. It came at just the right time.
LOL0 -
Better think twicegagee said:I just bought some wax kit
I just bought some wax kit to do the same thing. Guess I will think twice about it. Ha Ha. Plus I told my husband the story and he said well you are in for it now. Thank You for the laugh. Diana
I'm not so sure I could give this a try after reading the original post. Somehow, since chemo I tend to have problems doing simple things. This doesn't sound so simple to begin with, and now I am sure I would screw it up. Not in the mood for pain today. Enjoy everyone. Judy0 -
OMG LOl so funny.creampuff91344 said:Better think twice
I'm not so sure I could give this a try after reading the original post. Somehow, since chemo I tend to have problems doing simple things. This doesn't sound so simple to begin with, and now I am sure I would screw it up. Not in the mood for pain today. Enjoy everyone. Judy
OMG LOl so funny.0 -
This is too funny! lolElizabethB said:lmao
LOL OMG I can't stop laughing thank you so much I so needed a good laugh xoxoxoxo
This is too funny! lol0 -
Thanks for the laugh!creampuff91344 said:Better think twice
I'm not so sure I could give this a try after reading the original post. Somehow, since chemo I tend to have problems doing simple things. This doesn't sound so simple to begin with, and now I am sure I would screw it up. Not in the mood for pain today. Enjoy everyone. Judy
Leeza
Thanks for the laugh!
Leeza0 -
LOL! This is so funny Judy!gagee said:I just bought some wax kit
I just bought some wax kit to do the same thing. Guess I will think twice about it. Ha Ha. Plus I told my husband the story and he said well you are in for it now. Thank You for the laugh. Diana
LOL! This is so funny Judy!0
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