Life's Obstacles While Fighting Cancer

deirdrebowman

Where to begin? In December of 08 I was diagnosed with stage 2/3 HER2 positive breast cancer. Since then, I have completed twelve months of chemotherapy, surgery and radiation. But wait… there’s more! Since my diagnosis I have been abandoned by my husband of nineteen years, lost my home in Florida, moved cross country with my fifteen year old daughter, continued chemotherapy in California, had an additional biopsy/cancer scare in January 2010 and now currently living with extended family until I regain my health and financial stability. I am finding it extremely difficult to deal with the plethora of life’s obstacles while battling this aggressive disease. And now… just when I thought there was nothing left to be stripped of, my health insurance company has unjustly dropped me! Is there anyone out there that can provide legal, financial or employment advice?

New Flower

Welcome to the site
I am very sorry for you situation and admire your strengths and will power.
While I do not know your insurance circumstances I am very sorry for your situation and believe you can fight legally. Since you move to California you can apply for mediCal. have you applied for Social Security Disability Insurance? Unemployment benefits could be an option. Talk to social worker at your oncologist/hospital office. You can write me a PM (private message ) with details of your Specific situation.
I was diagnosed with BC stage III in June of 2008 (age 46) and during first 12 months of treatment had constant problems with my insurance. As of today I still in disputed for $8,000. I also was laid off by my employer and tried to find legal help to prevent it and settle. I can share my experience and common sense advice. I live in Los Angeles, know little bit about California specifics.
You can try the following organizations:
(1) Cancer Legal Resource Center at 1-866-THE-CLRC. They can give you specific information about your situation and decide if they can take your case. It will be evaluated by law school students, who provide legal advice.lIf they do not take your case, it does not mean you do not have chances to win.
(2) California Women's Law Center
6300 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 980 ith
Los Angeles, CA 90048
Ph: (323) 951-9642
Fax: (323) 951-9870

I did not have luck them, however was able to solve my problems on my own.
Hugs,
New Flower

deirdrebowman

New Flower said:

Welcome to the site
I am very sorry for you situation and admire your strengths and will power.
While I do not know your insurance circumstances I am very sorry for your situation and believe you can fight legally. Since you move to California you can apply for mediCal. have you applied for Social Security Disability Insurance? Unemployment benefits could be an option. Talk to social worker at your oncologist/hospital office. You can write me a PM (private message ) with details of your Specific situation.
I was diagnosed with BC stage III in June of 2008 (age 46) and during first 12 months of treatment had constant problems with my insurance. As of today I still in disputed for $8,000. I also was laid off by my employer and tried to find legal help to prevent it and settle. I can share my experience and common sense advice. I live in Los Angeles, know little bit about California specifics.
You can try the following organizations:
(1) Cancer Legal Resource Center at 1-866-THE-CLRC. They can give you specific information about your situation and decide if they can take your case. It will be evaluated by law school students, who provide legal advice.lIf they do not take your case, it does not mean you do not have chances to win.
(2) California Women's Law Center
6300 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 980 ith
Los Angeles, CA 90048
Ph: (323) 951-9642
Fax: (323) 951-9870

I did not have luck them, however was able to solve my problems on my own.
Hugs,
New Flower

Thank you, New Flower
You are too kind, my strengths and will power are based strictly on survival.

I'm retired military and I did contact a veteran’s service group regarding my insurance. They in turn recommended I contact my congressman, which I did. I hand carried a letter and all supporting documents to the congressman’s office last Wednesday. Hopefully, I'll hear something soon.

My situation is very convoluted. I will send you a private message… as soon as I figure out how?
Thanks again!

susanleeann

new flower has good advice
new flower has good advice but i would add: ask everyone you meet, do they have any suggestions? you never know where the best information might come from. if someone does not have any ideas, do they know someone who might? write any cancer organizantion listed anywhere. many have funding available to those in need. ask your state and federal legislators how the newly passed law might help you in your circumstancses. in other words, be a pest. don't let pride get in the way of getting the help you need. think about asking lawyer for advice (pro-bono) and for help. you don't want more than you need. you simply want what you need to deal with your health, especially physician care and meds. that's the best i can come up with.

Kat11

susanleeann said:

new flower has good advice
new flower has good advice but i would add: ask everyone you meet, do they have any suggestions? you never know where the best information might come from. if someone does not have any ideas, do they know someone who might? write any cancer organizantion listed anywhere. many have funding available to those in need. ask your state and federal legislators how the newly passed law might help you in your circumstancses. in other words, be a pest. don't let pride get in the way of getting the help you need. think about asking lawyer for advice (pro-bono) and for help. you don't want more than you need. you simply want what you need to deal with your health, especially physician care and meds. that's the best i can come up with.

First let me say welcome. I
First let me say welcome. I am so sorry that all this is happening to you. I am sure there is some help out there for you. You must be a very strong lady, look what you have already been through and you still hanging in there. Lots of Hugs, God bless.

chenheart

deirdrebowman said:

Thank you, New Flower
You are too kind, my strengths and will power are based strictly on survival.

I'm retired military and I did contact a veteran’s service group regarding my insurance. They in turn recommended I contact my congressman, which I did. I hand carried a letter and all supporting documents to the congressman’s office last Wednesday. Hopefully, I'll hear something soon.

My situation is very convoluted. I will send you a private message… as soon as I figure out how?
Thanks again!

Deirdre,
I certainly hope
Deirdre,

I certainly hope your insurance needs are met swiftly, and you can get on with the imperative business of Killing The Cancer Beast. I wish I could say I am shocked that you were unceremoniously dropped by your insurance carrier. Without opening a un-asked for can of worms...Health Reform, anyone???If certain parties had not been so vitriolic and self-serving, being dropped when you need it most would not have happened...

Ok then! As retired military, are you not covered/eligible for VA insurance benefits? Although he also had private physicians, my retired Army father-in-law availed imself of the services at the VA as well. I don't know where in California you are; I moved to Santa Barbara from Long Beach where there was a large VA hospital, and of course it isn't the only one. Hopefully your congressman can also steer you in the right direction!

Bless you and your daughter~ sadly, for every supportive husband/partner who is there for the long haul of better or worse, there are even more who are not. Difficult as it is, I hope you can focus your heart and strength on your dughter and yourself, and that the help you need will be forthcoming.

In the meanwhile, please come in here as often as necessary! We are truly an amazing group of empathetic, strong, nurturing women with a wealth of information and commaraderie. We are sorry you had to meet any of us in this forum~ but being that you have, we welcome you warmly. Just know that you you are not traveling this road alone...

Hugs,
Chen♥

deirdrebowman

chenheart said:

Deirdre,
I certainly hope
Deirdre,

I certainly hope your insurance needs are met swiftly, and you can get on with the imperative business of Killing The Cancer Beast. I wish I could say I am shocked that you were unceremoniously dropped by your insurance carrier. Without opening a un-asked for can of worms...Health Reform, anyone???If certain parties had not been so vitriolic and self-serving, being dropped when you need it most would not have happened...

Ok then! As retired military, are you not covered/eligible for VA insurance benefits? Although he also had private physicians, my retired Army father-in-law availed imself of the services at the VA as well. I don't know where in California you are; I moved to Santa Barbara from Long Beach where there was a large VA hospital, and of course it isn't the only one. Hopefully your congressman can also steer you in the right direction!

Bless you and your daughter~ sadly, for every supportive husband/partner who is there for the long haul of better or worse, there are even more who are not. Difficult as it is, I hope you can focus your heart and strength on your dughter and yourself, and that the help you need will be forthcoming.

In the meanwhile, please come in here as often as necessary! We are truly an amazing group of empathetic, strong, nurturing women with a wealth of information and commaraderie. We are sorry you had to meet any of us in this forum~ but being that you have, we welcome you warmly. Just know that you you are not traveling this road alone...

Hugs,
Chen♥

Thank you, all
Okay, ladies… first of all I would like to thank you for the outpouring of support. I feel ashamed that I am even asking for advice knowing all of you are battling with your own demons. Stumbling upon this site has been a Godsend and the last thing I want to do is burden anyone else. At this point I feel as though I have nothing left to lose. I’m not sure if life, cancer, or my own procrastination is at fault for my current situation. Whatever the case may be… I am at my wit’s end and I don’t know what to do next!
In lieu of responding to you individually (I’m not sure how to do this?), I will try to explain my dilemmas and what I have done so far to correct them without sounding cryptic.
I retired from the Air Force in 1994 after our infant daughter was diagnosed with sleep apnea (potential SIDS). I basically remained a stay at home mom caring for my family while my husband was the primary bread winner and traveled quite extensively on business (IT business analyst). My military retirement pay / benefits were just enough to cover all of our insurance needs, such as health, auto, life, home owners, etc.
Fast forward… in December of 2008 I was diagnosed with stage 2/3 HER2 positive breast cancer. I immediately began a course of neoadjuvant (before surgery) chemotherapy. My oncologist explained this was necessary to keep the cancer from spreading beyond the lymph nodes. Apparently the breast tumor was small, but the cancer had spread like wildfire. Also, in Dec 09 my husband’s sporadic income ceased, the economy went south and according to him… there were no contracts to be awarded. He assured me that if I focused on my cancer treatments he would manage the finances, in the past this had always been my responsibility. In May 2009 I had a partial mastectomy and 20 lymph nodes removed. Pathology report showed cancer still present in the breast and 10 of the 20 lymph nodes. I continued chemotherapy and began radiation in Jun 09.
During the summer of 09 it became abundantly clear that my husband was no longer capable of supporting our family and that my military retirement benefits could not sustain us either. Our home began foreclosure proceedings, our debts were insurmountable and the utilities in our home were being shut off due to lack of payment. My husband was drinking heavily, ignored all responsibilities to the point of lying to me about them. He neglected to pay even the most basic bills. Additionally, he failed to keep his promise to my son, a student at the University of South Florida (USF) at Tampa in assisting with financial aid forms. (Luckily, my health insurance premiums were never at risk since they were taken directly from my retirement pay via allotment). With no other options available to me... upon completing radiation therapy, I discontinued chemotherapy in Florida and brought our daughter to California to stay with extended family while I continued chemotherapy.
My daughter and I are now living with family in Rocklin, CA… sharing a room and bed. I have completed chemotherapy and now attempting to establish safety and security for the two of us. My son remains in Florida, disenrolled from USF and has just joined the Army, one semester short of completing his degree. My husband has abandoned our home in Florida and is currently living on a boat with a friend somewhere near Houston, Texas. He has left no forwarding address, refuses to respond to emails or phone calls and provides zero support to me and / or our daughter. All of our debts have been forwarded to me; I receive packets from attorneys, courts and bill collectors on a weekly basis.
Since January of this year I have contacted Legal Services of Northern California, the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation, Social Security Disability, Food Stamps, Veterans Services and last but not least the representative for the 4th district of California… to no avail!
Apparently, social services are not an option. I have been referred from one agency to the next, only to be referred back to an original agency. My only hope now is to do what New Flower has done and work it out on my own. I realize I need to find employment to support myself and my daughter. I also need legal advice concerning everything from bankruptcy and foreclosure to divorce and child support. I feel as though I’m in a “catch 22” and I don’t know where to start.
Next week I will be consulting with an oncologist that specializes in HER2 at the University of California / San Francisco. This morning I had a phone interview with a consultation planner from UCSF. I requested a referral for counseling, maybe something will develop from that.
Just this week, my primary care physician asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. I vehemently answered no! Although I realize there is light at the end of the tunnel… I wish I could just see a glimmer of it!
Well, there you have it. I think I have disclosed my entire life on this discussion board. If you managed to read all of the rambling… you’re a much better woman than I and I thank you.

Sincerely, Deirdre

P.S. Chen, I must admit… I had to look up the meaning of the word “vitriolic”. I’m not too sure about health care reform, but I can tell you this… I am discouraged if not disgusted with our government’s bureaucracy and the social services that it provides. As I was referred from one agency to the next, I was encouraged to lie about my situation along the way. Well, I refused to lie… maybe that is why I received nothing!

EveningStar2

deirdrebowman said:

Thank you, all
Okay, ladies… first of all I would like to thank you for the outpouring of support. I feel ashamed that I am even asking for advice knowing all of you are battling with your own demons. Stumbling upon this site has been a Godsend and the last thing I want to do is burden anyone else. At this point I feel as though I have nothing left to lose. I’m not sure if life, cancer, or my own procrastination is at fault for my current situation. Whatever the case may be… I am at my wit’s end and I don’t know what to do next!
In lieu of responding to you individually (I’m not sure how to do this?), I will try to explain my dilemmas and what I have done so far to correct them without sounding cryptic.
I retired from the Air Force in 1994 after our infant daughter was diagnosed with sleep apnea (potential SIDS). I basically remained a stay at home mom caring for my family while my husband was the primary bread winner and traveled quite extensively on business (IT business analyst). My military retirement pay / benefits were just enough to cover all of our insurance needs, such as health, auto, life, home owners, etc.
Fast forward… in December of 2008 I was diagnosed with stage 2/3 HER2 positive breast cancer. I immediately began a course of neoadjuvant (before surgery) chemotherapy. My oncologist explained this was necessary to keep the cancer from spreading beyond the lymph nodes. Apparently the breast tumor was small, but the cancer had spread like wildfire. Also, in Dec 09 my husband’s sporadic income ceased, the economy went south and according to him… there were no contracts to be awarded. He assured me that if I focused on my cancer treatments he would manage the finances, in the past this had always been my responsibility. In May 2009 I had a partial mastectomy and 20 lymph nodes removed. Pathology report showed cancer still present in the breast and 10 of the 20 lymph nodes. I continued chemotherapy and began radiation in Jun 09.
During the summer of 09 it became abundantly clear that my husband was no longer capable of supporting our family and that my military retirement benefits could not sustain us either. Our home began foreclosure proceedings, our debts were insurmountable and the utilities in our home were being shut off due to lack of payment. My husband was drinking heavily, ignored all responsibilities to the point of lying to me about them. He neglected to pay even the most basic bills. Additionally, he failed to keep his promise to my son, a student at the University of South Florida (USF) at Tampa in assisting with financial aid forms. (Luckily, my health insurance premiums were never at risk since they were taken directly from my retirement pay via allotment). With no other options available to me... upon completing radiation therapy, I discontinued chemotherapy in Florida and brought our daughter to California to stay with extended family while I continued chemotherapy.
My daughter and I are now living with family in Rocklin, CA… sharing a room and bed. I have completed chemotherapy and now attempting to establish safety and security for the two of us. My son remains in Florida, disenrolled from USF and has just joined the Army, one semester short of completing his degree. My husband has abandoned our home in Florida and is currently living on a boat with a friend somewhere near Houston, Texas. He has left no forwarding address, refuses to respond to emails or phone calls and provides zero support to me and / or our daughter. All of our debts have been forwarded to me; I receive packets from attorneys, courts and bill collectors on a weekly basis.
Since January of this year I have contacted Legal Services of Northern California, the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation, Social Security Disability, Food Stamps, Veterans Services and last but not least the representative for the 4th district of California… to no avail!
Apparently, social services are not an option. I have been referred from one agency to the next, only to be referred back to an original agency. My only hope now is to do what New Flower has done and work it out on my own. I realize I need to find employment to support myself and my daughter. I also need legal advice concerning everything from bankruptcy and foreclosure to divorce and child support. I feel as though I’m in a “catch 22” and I don’t know where to start.
Next week I will be consulting with an oncologist that specializes in HER2 at the University of California / San Francisco. This morning I had a phone interview with a consultation planner from UCSF. I requested a referral for counseling, maybe something will develop from that.
Just this week, my primary care physician asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. I vehemently answered no! Although I realize there is light at the end of the tunnel… I wish I could just see a glimmer of it!
Well, there you have it. I think I have disclosed my entire life on this discussion board. If you managed to read all of the rambling… you’re a much better woman than I and I thank you.

Sincerely, Deirdre

P.S. Chen, I must admit… I had to look up the meaning of the word “vitriolic”. I’m not too sure about health care reform, but I can tell you this… I am discouraged if not disgusted with our government’s bureaucracy and the social services that it provides. As I was referred from one agency to the next, I was encouraged to lie about my situation along the way. Well, I refused to lie… maybe that is why I received nothing!

struck a chord
with me. My cancer treatment was lumpectomy and rads. I was able to continue my cobra payments from unemployment. But trying to support a family of three on unemployment was damn near impossible. I, too, tried all the programs and was not eligible. I came to the conclusion that lying was the only way to be eligible but I didn't either. I also went through chapter 7 bankruptcy and that was one of the better things I did. I am still dealing with the fall out but at least I have money.

Good luck to you, come to the board-someone has probably been through something similar and *everyone* is supportive. Gotta be tough to fight like a girl!

Maureen

jbug

deirdrebowman said:

Thank you, all
Okay, ladies… first of all I would like to thank you for the outpouring of support. I feel ashamed that I am even asking for advice knowing all of you are battling with your own demons. Stumbling upon this site has been a Godsend and the last thing I want to do is burden anyone else. At this point I feel as though I have nothing left to lose. I’m not sure if life, cancer, or my own procrastination is at fault for my current situation. Whatever the case may be… I am at my wit’s end and I don’t know what to do next!
In lieu of responding to you individually (I’m not sure how to do this?), I will try to explain my dilemmas and what I have done so far to correct them without sounding cryptic.
I retired from the Air Force in 1994 after our infant daughter was diagnosed with sleep apnea (potential SIDS). I basically remained a stay at home mom caring for my family while my husband was the primary bread winner and traveled quite extensively on business (IT business analyst). My military retirement pay / benefits were just enough to cover all of our insurance needs, such as health, auto, life, home owners, etc.
Fast forward… in December of 2008 I was diagnosed with stage 2/3 HER2 positive breast cancer. I immediately began a course of neoadjuvant (before surgery) chemotherapy. My oncologist explained this was necessary to keep the cancer from spreading beyond the lymph nodes. Apparently the breast tumor was small, but the cancer had spread like wildfire. Also, in Dec 09 my husband’s sporadic income ceased, the economy went south and according to him… there were no contracts to be awarded. He assured me that if I focused on my cancer treatments he would manage the finances, in the past this had always been my responsibility. In May 2009 I had a partial mastectomy and 20 lymph nodes removed. Pathology report showed cancer still present in the breast and 10 of the 20 lymph nodes. I continued chemotherapy and began radiation in Jun 09.
During the summer of 09 it became abundantly clear that my husband was no longer capable of supporting our family and that my military retirement benefits could not sustain us either. Our home began foreclosure proceedings, our debts were insurmountable and the utilities in our home were being shut off due to lack of payment. My husband was drinking heavily, ignored all responsibilities to the point of lying to me about them. He neglected to pay even the most basic bills. Additionally, he failed to keep his promise to my son, a student at the University of South Florida (USF) at Tampa in assisting with financial aid forms. (Luckily, my health insurance premiums were never at risk since they were taken directly from my retirement pay via allotment). With no other options available to me... upon completing radiation therapy, I discontinued chemotherapy in Florida and brought our daughter to California to stay with extended family while I continued chemotherapy.
My daughter and I are now living with family in Rocklin, CA… sharing a room and bed. I have completed chemotherapy and now attempting to establish safety and security for the two of us. My son remains in Florida, disenrolled from USF and has just joined the Army, one semester short of completing his degree. My husband has abandoned our home in Florida and is currently living on a boat with a friend somewhere near Houston, Texas. He has left no forwarding address, refuses to respond to emails or phone calls and provides zero support to me and / or our daughter. All of our debts have been forwarded to me; I receive packets from attorneys, courts and bill collectors on a weekly basis.
Since January of this year I have contacted Legal Services of Northern California, the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation, Social Security Disability, Food Stamps, Veterans Services and last but not least the representative for the 4th district of California… to no avail!
Apparently, social services are not an option. I have been referred from one agency to the next, only to be referred back to an original agency. My only hope now is to do what New Flower has done and work it out on my own. I realize I need to find employment to support myself and my daughter. I also need legal advice concerning everything from bankruptcy and foreclosure to divorce and child support. I feel as though I’m in a “catch 22” and I don’t know where to start.
Next week I will be consulting with an oncologist that specializes in HER2 at the University of California / San Francisco. This morning I had a phone interview with a consultation planner from UCSF. I requested a referral for counseling, maybe something will develop from that.
Just this week, my primary care physician asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. I vehemently answered no! Although I realize there is light at the end of the tunnel… I wish I could just see a glimmer of it!
Well, there you have it. I think I have disclosed my entire life on this discussion board. If you managed to read all of the rambling… you’re a much better woman than I and I thank you.

Sincerely, Deirdre

P.S. Chen, I must admit… I had to look up the meaning of the word “vitriolic”. I’m not too sure about health care reform, but I can tell you this… I am discouraged if not disgusted with our government’s bureaucracy and the social services that it provides. As I was referred from one agency to the next, I was encouraged to lie about my situation along the way. Well, I refused to lie… maybe that is why I received nothing!

Deirdre
I'm sorry for your many obstacles....I wish i had some great advice to pass on. I just wanted to let you know that i'll be praying for you. Blessings...
Julie

Balentine

deirdrebowman said:

Thank you, all
Okay, ladies… first of all I would like to thank you for the outpouring of support. I feel ashamed that I am even asking for advice knowing all of you are battling with your own demons. Stumbling upon this site has been a Godsend and the last thing I want to do is burden anyone else. At this point I feel as though I have nothing left to lose. I’m not sure if life, cancer, or my own procrastination is at fault for my current situation. Whatever the case may be… I am at my wit’s end and I don’t know what to do next!
In lieu of responding to you individually (I’m not sure how to do this?), I will try to explain my dilemmas and what I have done so far to correct them without sounding cryptic.
I retired from the Air Force in 1994 after our infant daughter was diagnosed with sleep apnea (potential SIDS). I basically remained a stay at home mom caring for my family while my husband was the primary bread winner and traveled quite extensively on business (IT business analyst). My military retirement pay / benefits were just enough to cover all of our insurance needs, such as health, auto, life, home owners, etc.
Fast forward… in December of 2008 I was diagnosed with stage 2/3 HER2 positive breast cancer. I immediately began a course of neoadjuvant (before surgery) chemotherapy. My oncologist explained this was necessary to keep the cancer from spreading beyond the lymph nodes. Apparently the breast tumor was small, but the cancer had spread like wildfire. Also, in Dec 09 my husband’s sporadic income ceased, the economy went south and according to him… there were no contracts to be awarded. He assured me that if I focused on my cancer treatments he would manage the finances, in the past this had always been my responsibility. In May 2009 I had a partial mastectomy and 20 lymph nodes removed. Pathology report showed cancer still present in the breast and 10 of the 20 lymph nodes. I continued chemotherapy and began radiation in Jun 09.
During the summer of 09 it became abundantly clear that my husband was no longer capable of supporting our family and that my military retirement benefits could not sustain us either. Our home began foreclosure proceedings, our debts were insurmountable and the utilities in our home were being shut off due to lack of payment. My husband was drinking heavily, ignored all responsibilities to the point of lying to me about them. He neglected to pay even the most basic bills. Additionally, he failed to keep his promise to my son, a student at the University of South Florida (USF) at Tampa in assisting with financial aid forms. (Luckily, my health insurance premiums were never at risk since they were taken directly from my retirement pay via allotment). With no other options available to me... upon completing radiation therapy, I discontinued chemotherapy in Florida and brought our daughter to California to stay with extended family while I continued chemotherapy.
My daughter and I are now living with family in Rocklin, CA… sharing a room and bed. I have completed chemotherapy and now attempting to establish safety and security for the two of us. My son remains in Florida, disenrolled from USF and has just joined the Army, one semester short of completing his degree. My husband has abandoned our home in Florida and is currently living on a boat with a friend somewhere near Houston, Texas. He has left no forwarding address, refuses to respond to emails or phone calls and provides zero support to me and / or our daughter. All of our debts have been forwarded to me; I receive packets from attorneys, courts and bill collectors on a weekly basis.
Since January of this year I have contacted Legal Services of Northern California, the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation, Social Security Disability, Food Stamps, Veterans Services and last but not least the representative for the 4th district of California… to no avail!
Apparently, social services are not an option. I have been referred from one agency to the next, only to be referred back to an original agency. My only hope now is to do what New Flower has done and work it out on my own. I realize I need to find employment to support myself and my daughter. I also need legal advice concerning everything from bankruptcy and foreclosure to divorce and child support. I feel as though I’m in a “catch 22” and I don’t know where to start.
Next week I will be consulting with an oncologist that specializes in HER2 at the University of California / San Francisco. This morning I had a phone interview with a consultation planner from UCSF. I requested a referral for counseling, maybe something will develop from that.
Just this week, my primary care physician asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. I vehemently answered no! Although I realize there is light at the end of the tunnel… I wish I could just see a glimmer of it!
Well, there you have it. I think I have disclosed my entire life on this discussion board. If you managed to read all of the rambling… you’re a much better woman than I and I thank you.

Sincerely, Deirdre

P.S. Chen, I must admit… I had to look up the meaning of the word “vitriolic”. I’m not too sure about health care reform, but I can tell you this… I am discouraged if not disgusted with our government’s bureaucracy and the social services that it provides. As I was referred from one agency to the next, I was encouraged to lie about my situation along the way. Well, I refused to lie… maybe that is why I received nothing!

Hi Deirdre,
My husband is retired military and we have tricare prime retired insurance. All of my surgery and chemo was covered under tricare and also if I want reconstruction. Also as someone noted earllier you also can go to the VA free of charge if you have disability from the Air Force. Why are you not being covered by one of these?
Lorrie Balentine

New Flower

EveningStar2 said:

struck a chord
with me. My cancer treatment was lumpectomy and rads. I was able to continue my cobra payments from unemployment. But trying to support a family of three on unemployment was damn near impossible. I, too, tried all the programs and was not eligible. I came to the conclusion that lying was the only way to be eligible but I didn't either. I also went through chapter 7 bankruptcy and that was one of the better things I did. I am still dealing with the fall out but at least I have money.

Good luck to you, come to the board-someone has probably been through something similar and *everyone* is supportive. Gotta be tough to fight like a girl!

Maureen

Time limit for appeal
Deirdre,
Thank you for sharing your story, it is a very power one. As for medical insurance decision I am guessing that you are going to appeal. I still believe that cancer treatment and your health are the most important items on your plate, however you have limited number of days for filing appeal if you disagree with your insurance decision. It should be written somewhere, even on rejection letter. When I deal with my medical insurance the progress came after I formally (in writing) complained to Benefits Group Plan Administrator. Plan Administrator contacted insurance company and since my employer has been a biggest account for insurance company it did help. So if you had a group policy you might try it.

As Maureen said please stay in touch and connected. Good luck tomorrow with your counseling. Yes, you have to be your own advocate!
New Flower

ms_independent

deirdrebowman said:

Thank you, all
Okay, ladies… first of all I would like to thank you for the outpouring of support. I feel ashamed that I am even asking for advice knowing all of you are battling with your own demons. Stumbling upon this site has been a Godsend and the last thing I want to do is burden anyone else. At this point I feel as though I have nothing left to lose. I’m not sure if life, cancer, or my own procrastination is at fault for my current situation. Whatever the case may be… I am at my wit’s end and I don’t know what to do next!
In lieu of responding to you individually (I’m not sure how to do this?), I will try to explain my dilemmas and what I have done so far to correct them without sounding cryptic.
I retired from the Air Force in 1994 after our infant daughter was diagnosed with sleep apnea (potential SIDS). I basically remained a stay at home mom caring for my family while my husband was the primary bread winner and traveled quite extensively on business (IT business analyst). My military retirement pay / benefits were just enough to cover all of our insurance needs, such as health, auto, life, home owners, etc.
Fast forward… in December of 2008 I was diagnosed with stage 2/3 HER2 positive breast cancer. I immediately began a course of neoadjuvant (before surgery) chemotherapy. My oncologist explained this was necessary to keep the cancer from spreading beyond the lymph nodes. Apparently the breast tumor was small, but the cancer had spread like wildfire. Also, in Dec 09 my husband’s sporadic income ceased, the economy went south and according to him… there were no contracts to be awarded. He assured me that if I focused on my cancer treatments he would manage the finances, in the past this had always been my responsibility. In May 2009 I had a partial mastectomy and 20 lymph nodes removed. Pathology report showed cancer still present in the breast and 10 of the 20 lymph nodes. I continued chemotherapy and began radiation in Jun 09.
During the summer of 09 it became abundantly clear that my husband was no longer capable of supporting our family and that my military retirement benefits could not sustain us either. Our home began foreclosure proceedings, our debts were insurmountable and the utilities in our home were being shut off due to lack of payment. My husband was drinking heavily, ignored all responsibilities to the point of lying to me about them. He neglected to pay even the most basic bills. Additionally, he failed to keep his promise to my son, a student at the University of South Florida (USF) at Tampa in assisting with financial aid forms. (Luckily, my health insurance premiums were never at risk since they were taken directly from my retirement pay via allotment). With no other options available to me... upon completing radiation therapy, I discontinued chemotherapy in Florida and brought our daughter to California to stay with extended family while I continued chemotherapy.
My daughter and I are now living with family in Rocklin, CA… sharing a room and bed. I have completed chemotherapy and now attempting to establish safety and security for the two of us. My son remains in Florida, disenrolled from USF and has just joined the Army, one semester short of completing his degree. My husband has abandoned our home in Florida and is currently living on a boat with a friend somewhere near Houston, Texas. He has left no forwarding address, refuses to respond to emails or phone calls and provides zero support to me and / or our daughter. All of our debts have been forwarded to me; I receive packets from attorneys, courts and bill collectors on a weekly basis.
Since January of this year I have contacted Legal Services of Northern California, the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation, Social Security Disability, Food Stamps, Veterans Services and last but not least the representative for the 4th district of California… to no avail!
Apparently, social services are not an option. I have been referred from one agency to the next, only to be referred back to an original agency. My only hope now is to do what New Flower has done and work it out on my own. I realize I need to find employment to support myself and my daughter. I also need legal advice concerning everything from bankruptcy and foreclosure to divorce and child support. I feel as though I’m in a “catch 22” and I don’t know where to start.
Next week I will be consulting with an oncologist that specializes in HER2 at the University of California / San Francisco. This morning I had a phone interview with a consultation planner from UCSF. I requested a referral for counseling, maybe something will develop from that.
Just this week, my primary care physician asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. I vehemently answered no! Although I realize there is light at the end of the tunnel… I wish I could just see a glimmer of it!
Well, there you have it. I think I have disclosed my entire life on this discussion board. If you managed to read all of the rambling… you’re a much better woman than I and I thank you.

Sincerely, Deirdre

P.S. Chen, I must admit… I had to look up the meaning of the word “vitriolic”. I’m not too sure about health care reform, but I can tell you this… I am discouraged if not disgusted with our government’s bureaucracy and the social services that it provides. As I was referred from one agency to the next, I was encouraged to lie about my situation along the way. Well, I refused to lie… maybe that is why I received nothing!

sometimes life stinks
I am so sorry you have so much going on. It's enough to have to deal with cancer without all the rest of it. I understand how difficult it is to deal with the government. My sister has a handicapped child (mentally and physically). Dealing with social security has been a nightmare!!! But, persistance does pay off, so "be a pest" (as you've already heard).

Good thoughts, prayers and hugs,

El

padee6339

deirdrebowman said:

Thank you, all
Okay, ladies… first of all I would like to thank you for the outpouring of support. I feel ashamed that I am even asking for advice knowing all of you are battling with your own demons. Stumbling upon this site has been a Godsend and the last thing I want to do is burden anyone else. At this point I feel as though I have nothing left to lose. I’m not sure if life, cancer, or my own procrastination is at fault for my current situation. Whatever the case may be… I am at my wit’s end and I don’t know what to do next!
In lieu of responding to you individually (I’m not sure how to do this?), I will try to explain my dilemmas and what I have done so far to correct them without sounding cryptic.
I retired from the Air Force in 1994 after our infant daughter was diagnosed with sleep apnea (potential SIDS). I basically remained a stay at home mom caring for my family while my husband was the primary bread winner and traveled quite extensively on business (IT business analyst). My military retirement pay / benefits were just enough to cover all of our insurance needs, such as health, auto, life, home owners, etc.
Fast forward… in December of 2008 I was diagnosed with stage 2/3 HER2 positive breast cancer. I immediately began a course of neoadjuvant (before surgery) chemotherapy. My oncologist explained this was necessary to keep the cancer from spreading beyond the lymph nodes. Apparently the breast tumor was small, but the cancer had spread like wildfire. Also, in Dec 09 my husband’s sporadic income ceased, the economy went south and according to him… there were no contracts to be awarded. He assured me that if I focused on my cancer treatments he would manage the finances, in the past this had always been my responsibility. In May 2009 I had a partial mastectomy and 20 lymph nodes removed. Pathology report showed cancer still present in the breast and 10 of the 20 lymph nodes. I continued chemotherapy and began radiation in Jun 09.
During the summer of 09 it became abundantly clear that my husband was no longer capable of supporting our family and that my military retirement benefits could not sustain us either. Our home began foreclosure proceedings, our debts were insurmountable and the utilities in our home were being shut off due to lack of payment. My husband was drinking heavily, ignored all responsibilities to the point of lying to me about them. He neglected to pay even the most basic bills. Additionally, he failed to keep his promise to my son, a student at the University of South Florida (USF) at Tampa in assisting with financial aid forms. (Luckily, my health insurance premiums were never at risk since they were taken directly from my retirement pay via allotment). With no other options available to me... upon completing radiation therapy, I discontinued chemotherapy in Florida and brought our daughter to California to stay with extended family while I continued chemotherapy.
My daughter and I are now living with family in Rocklin, CA… sharing a room and bed. I have completed chemotherapy and now attempting to establish safety and security for the two of us. My son remains in Florida, disenrolled from USF and has just joined the Army, one semester short of completing his degree. My husband has abandoned our home in Florida and is currently living on a boat with a friend somewhere near Houston, Texas. He has left no forwarding address, refuses to respond to emails or phone calls and provides zero support to me and / or our daughter. All of our debts have been forwarded to me; I receive packets from attorneys, courts and bill collectors on a weekly basis.
Since January of this year I have contacted Legal Services of Northern California, the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation, Social Security Disability, Food Stamps, Veterans Services and last but not least the representative for the 4th district of California… to no avail!
Apparently, social services are not an option. I have been referred from one agency to the next, only to be referred back to an original agency. My only hope now is to do what New Flower has done and work it out on my own. I realize I need to find employment to support myself and my daughter. I also need legal advice concerning everything from bankruptcy and foreclosure to divorce and child support. I feel as though I’m in a “catch 22” and I don’t know where to start.
Next week I will be consulting with an oncologist that specializes in HER2 at the University of California / San Francisco. This morning I had a phone interview with a consultation planner from UCSF. I requested a referral for counseling, maybe something will develop from that.
Just this week, my primary care physician asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. I vehemently answered no! Although I realize there is light at the end of the tunnel… I wish I could just see a glimmer of it!
Well, there you have it. I think I have disclosed my entire life on this discussion board. If you managed to read all of the rambling… you’re a much better woman than I and I thank you.

Sincerely, Deirdre

P.S. Chen, I must admit… I had to look up the meaning of the word “vitriolic”. I’m not too sure about health care reform, but I can tell you this… I am discouraged if not disgusted with our government’s bureaucracy and the social services that it provides. As I was referred from one agency to the next, I was encouraged to lie about my situation along the way. Well, I refused to lie… maybe that is why I received nothing!

I am so so sorry
You sound like an extremely strong woman and veteran (my Mom was one of the first Waves to serve in WWII) and I appreciate and thank you for your service to our country.

That being said, I am so sorry you are going through this. Fortunately, (or unfortunately??) I am single, and have gone through the whole process alone, with just my Mother (who was 87 at the time) being with me through it all. I have a good job, a great boss, and never once was I at risk of losing my job or my insurance. I don't know how you ladies do it without it. I wish you all the luck breaking through the beaurocratic (sp?) wall, it seems unsurmountable at times. I am fighting though with a hospital here who did my pre-op and never told me (even after making a copy of my insurance card) that they do not accept it. I pay what I can per month on that bill and on the co-pays for the radiation treatments (36 days at $30 a day). I have no idea whether or not Obamacare is going to make this any easier for anyone.

Hang in their my friend, I know you will make it through this. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. Please keep coming back to this site and let us know how you are doing and what, if any, help the agencies can give you.

Cyber Hugs -
Pat

deirdrebowman

Balentine said:

Hi Deirdre,
My husband is retired military and we have tricare prime retired insurance. All of my surgery and chemo was covered under tricare and also if I want reconstruction. Also as someone noted earllier you also can go to the VA free of charge if you have disability from the Air Force. Why are you not being covered by one of these?
Lorrie Balentine

Tricare Prime
Hello Lorrie,
I was covered under Tricare Prime, specifically Triwest Region. Triwest is the company that dropped me and cancelled my monthly premiums... via automatic allotment... to them, through the Department of Defense.
Thanks for the advice, Deirdre.

deirdrebowman

New Flower said:

Time limit for appeal
Deirdre,
Thank you for sharing your story, it is a very power one. As for medical insurance decision I am guessing that you are going to appeal. I still believe that cancer treatment and your health are the most important items on your plate, however you have limited number of days for filing appeal if you disagree with your insurance decision. It should be written somewhere, even on rejection letter. When I deal with my medical insurance the progress came after I formally (in writing) complained to Benefits Group Plan Administrator. Plan Administrator contacted insurance company and since my employer has been a biggest account for insurance company it did help. So if you had a group policy you might try it.

As Maureen said please stay in touch and connected. Good luck tomorrow with your counseling. Yes, you have to be your own advocate!
New Flower

Excellent Advice
Thank you, Newflower. I never thought to do that. When I found out what had happened I contacted a veterans service group and they in turn referred me to my congressman. So... I wrote a cover letter to the congressman, included all supporting documents and hand cariied it to his office on 3/23. I'm still waiting to hear something. You're right, I need to be my own advocate, squeeky wheel so to speak!