just got a call and I'm scared...

Calleen

Booberta said:

Stage 2A
Calleen, first of all I'm sorry about your mother. This must have been a horrible experience for both of you.

All I can recommend is that you get a copy of your path report and look up everything you don't understand on the internet. I too was diagnosed with stage 2, but if you research staging of breast cancer, you'll find that every stage covers a broad range of tumors, sizes and lymph node involvement.

The suggestion to call the ACS is a fabulous one, I wish I had known about that option. It would have saved me hours of panic. However, my onch surgeon did call me while he was on vacation to explain things to me!

I know it is so easier said than done, but please try to let go of the guilt that you have over what happened to you mother. You gave her the best advise that you could under the circumstances. As a nurse it sickens me that she was left alone in this situation. However, I wasn't there so I can't judge someone else's actions.

Stick around here, these wonderful men and women will help you through every step of the way.

Love and Peace
Roberta

Well
I didn't get the fax or a phone call!!! I am just soooo upset right now... The nurse promised to call and by 5:15 I tried calling her... it went to voice mail that the office was closed...I sat by my Daughters fax waiting and waiting!!! one more thing that is in my favor is that I am her positive... but there goes my weekend!!! My family 2 brothers, sister and both daughters have all talked to me and told me they are right here for me... they know of the guilt i carry about our Mom and have assured me it wan't the treatment but the cut she recieved while taking the treatment that took her life... it helps but yet it doesn't since she looked me in the eye and i said yes Mom i want you to do this treatment...

I'm sorry for rambling on and on about it all... I guess when things come full circle it makes you see how fragile life really is...

I am not going to wait for a fax on monday I am drivng to the doctors office and get copies and won't leave until they give me all the info I feel I need... so should I get just the path reports or a copy of all my records???

carkris

Calleen said:

Well
I didn't get the fax or a phone call!!! I am just soooo upset right now... The nurse promised to call and by 5:15 I tried calling her... it went to voice mail that the office was closed...I sat by my Daughters fax waiting and waiting!!! one more thing that is in my favor is that I am her positive... but there goes my weekend!!! My family 2 brothers, sister and both daughters have all talked to me and told me they are right here for me... they know of the guilt i carry about our Mom and have assured me it wan't the treatment but the cut she recieved while taking the treatment that took her life... it helps but yet it doesn't since she looked me in the eye and i said yes Mom i want you to do this treatment...

I'm sorry for rambling on and on about it all... I guess when things come full circle it makes you see how fragile life really is...

I am not going to wait for a fax on monday I am drivng to the doctors office and get copies and won't leave until they give me all the info I feel I need... so should I get just the path reports or a copy of all my records???

hope
it will stink to get through the weekend not really understanding what you are dealing with. the fear can be overwhwelming. Deep breath deep breath. all this will get sorted out. The thing to understand is that while you have cancer you have a great chance of being just fine. Hold onto that. Do not let the panic and your mind to go to a place it does not need to be. There are great treatments for breast cancer and while you do not want to go through this -You can. your outlook is positive. Hugs

TraciInLA

Calleen said:

Well
I didn't get the fax or a phone call!!! I am just soooo upset right now... The nurse promised to call and by 5:15 I tried calling her... it went to voice mail that the office was closed...I sat by my Daughters fax waiting and waiting!!! one more thing that is in my favor is that I am her positive... but there goes my weekend!!! My family 2 brothers, sister and both daughters have all talked to me and told me they are right here for me... they know of the guilt i carry about our Mom and have assured me it wan't the treatment but the cut she recieved while taking the treatment that took her life... it helps but yet it doesn't since she looked me in the eye and i said yes Mom i want you to do this treatment...

I'm sorry for rambling on and on about it all... I guess when things come full circle it makes you see how fragile life really is...

I am not going to wait for a fax on monday I am drivng to the doctors office and get copies and won't leave until they give me all the info I feel I need... so should I get just the path reports or a copy of all my records???

Try not to let this consume your weekend
Calleen,

I am just sick that you have to wait until Monday to finally get some real answers. Some of the worst times I've gone through since my diagnosis were waiting for test results, as we all know -- but the entire weekends I lost because somebody didn't call on Friday afternoon were hands-down, no-question the ones that messed with my sanity the most.

So I can understand how you feel right now -- know that I'm sending you a big hug from Los Angeles, and please do your best to enjoy some time with your family this weekend and not let this consume you.

Traci

rjjj

Calleen said:

Well
I didn't get the fax or a phone call!!! I am just soooo upset right now... The nurse promised to call and by 5:15 I tried calling her... it went to voice mail that the office was closed...I sat by my Daughters fax waiting and waiting!!! one more thing that is in my favor is that I am her positive... but there goes my weekend!!! My family 2 brothers, sister and both daughters have all talked to me and told me they are right here for me... they know of the guilt i carry about our Mom and have assured me it wan't the treatment but the cut she recieved while taking the treatment that took her life... it helps but yet it doesn't since she looked me in the eye and i said yes Mom i want you to do this treatment...

I'm sorry for rambling on and on about it all... I guess when things come full circle it makes you see how fragile life really is...

I am not going to wait for a fax on monday I am drivng to the doctors office and get copies and won't leave until they give me all the info I feel I need... so should I get just the path reports or a copy of all my records???

Caleen
I am so sorry they didn't get back to you with a phone call or a fax!! I would also be upset. As you have probably heard before on these boards..the waiting is the absolute hardest.
I am glad your family are there for you. That will be a tremendous help, as I am sure you were also for your Mom. I also lost my Mom to CA, but I know she would never blame me or want me to feel guilty. You know (being a mom yourself) that you would never want your children to feel guilty over something that is out of their control. Your Mom is looking down on you now with nothing but love.So please know that it is not your fault.
I was dx'd with stage 3a, so I knew i would do chemo and radiation, immediately. I wish you all the luck in the world hun, let us know what the report says...and until then try to do somethings you enjoy to keep your mind off of it...read, watch a good movie, enjoy your family. You will be OK.
Love and Hugs, Jackie

Akiss4me

Calleen said:

Well
I didn't get the fax or a phone call!!! I am just soooo upset right now... The nurse promised to call and by 5:15 I tried calling her... it went to voice mail that the office was closed...I sat by my Daughters fax waiting and waiting!!! one more thing that is in my favor is that I am her positive... but there goes my weekend!!! My family 2 brothers, sister and both daughters have all talked to me and told me they are right here for me... they know of the guilt i carry about our Mom and have assured me it wan't the treatment but the cut she recieved while taking the treatment that took her life... it helps but yet it doesn't since she looked me in the eye and i said yes Mom i want you to do this treatment...

I'm sorry for rambling on and on about it all... I guess when things come full circle it makes you see how fragile life really is...

I am not going to wait for a fax on monday I am drivng to the doctors office and get copies and won't leave until they give me all the info I feel I need... so should I get just the path reports or a copy of all my records???

Could you have said....
"no, Mom, I rather you DO NOT get treatment, then you WILL die of cancer"?
Of course you would want her to have treatment, unless you are a cruel, barbaric person! We all know you are not that!
Calleen, I feel for you because it must be aweful to carry this guilt around! None of us can foresee something out of the extrodinary happening in any situation. What happened to your mom was an accident. It could not have been predicted, was not part of her treatment, did not come from your thoughts, and certainly was not because of something you did or didn't do! YOU did not cause her death.
Please be kind and forgiving to yourself. When we are fighting this beast, EVERYTHING in our lives is blown out of porportion whether it is a thing of the past, something we are dealing with in the moment, or something we are sure will happen in the future (even if it doesn't).
We think in a whole different way because nothing is the same anymore and probably never will be. And even though we do, but shouln't, we beat up on ourselves for reasons we can not explain.
Keep that fierce attitude when you march into you Doctors office, but put it under foot when it wants to turn against you!
Sending lots of hugs and hoping you will come to a place to "let it go" with blaming yourself over your Mom.
♥ Pammy

chenheart

Calleen
Everyone in here has
Calleen

Everyone in here has been so eloquent and helpful~ once again I am so honored to be in this esteemed group of warrior-survivors. They never cease to amaze me. Aside from sending you the biggest, most compassionate hug I can even imagine due to the understandable, albeit irrational fear you have because of your sweet mom's horrific passing ( sorry that was so long-winded!) there isn't anything I can add which hasn't already been said.

The weekend will pass, and your "what if's" won't become monsters waiting for the chance to devour you between Friday and Monday morning. It is easier said than done, of course, but I hope you will put some of it in the far recesses of your mind, and concentrate on knowing how loved and cared for you are.

Hugs,
Chen♥

aurora2009

chenheart said:

Calleen
Everyone in here has
Calleen

Everyone in here has been so eloquent and helpful~ once again I am so honored to be in this esteemed group of warrior-survivors. They never cease to amaze me. Aside from sending you the biggest, most compassionate hug I can even imagine due to the understandable, albeit irrational fear you have because of your sweet mom's horrific passing ( sorry that was so long-winded!) there isn't anything I can add which hasn't already been said.

The weekend will pass, and your "what if's" won't become monsters waiting for the chance to devour you between Friday and Monday morning. It is easier said than done, of course, but I hope you will put some of it in the far recesses of your mind, and concentrate on knowing how loved and cared for you are.

Hugs,
Chen♥

Calleen
I to am so sorry you have to go through all this stress, I don't have anything to add reguarding your mom, except I'm sure she is looking down on you, and praying to take your pain away. She is now your angel.

Might I suggest that you go ahead and call the ACS with the information you already have? Even though you don't already have the path report, I'm sure they can help you put your mind at ease. It sounds like from what you wrote that it is stage 2 grade 2. Which actually isn't a bad thing, it's pretty great really. As far as needing chemo only you Onco can tell you that, I'm sure they were planing on running the Onco test, no matter what (unless you are ER/PR-and HER2- or +, like Mimi said).

Even people who are only stage 1 sometimes end up doing chemo. So just take a deep breathe, call the ACs with what you know, and hang in there. There has to be a doctor available for you on Monday to explain whats going on. Don't let them wait til the 8th, that would just be undue torture.

God Bless You and deep breaths Okay?

Aurora

lanie940

aurora2009 said:

Calleen
I to am so sorry you have to go through all this stress, I don't have anything to add reguarding your mom, except I'm sure she is looking down on you, and praying to take your pain away. She is now your angel.

Might I suggest that you go ahead and call the ACS with the information you already have? Even though you don't already have the path report, I'm sure they can help you put your mind at ease. It sounds like from what you wrote that it is stage 2 grade 2. Which actually isn't a bad thing, it's pretty great really. As far as needing chemo only you Onco can tell you that, I'm sure they were planing on running the Onco test, no matter what (unless you are ER/PR-and HER2- or +, like Mimi said).

Even people who are only stage 1 sometimes end up doing chemo. So just take a deep breathe, call the ACs with what you know, and hang in there. There has to be a doctor available for you on Monday to explain whats going on. Don't let them wait til the 8th, that would just be undue torture.

God Bless You and deep breaths Okay?

Aurora

Seems that Stage and Grade
Seems that Stage and Grade are two different things. I read over my report again, GRADE 2 and it said (at least Stage 1) So, guess the Medical Oncologist will explain it better.

Kat11

lanie940 said:

Seems that Stage and Grade
Seems that Stage and Grade are two different things. I read over my report again, GRADE 2 and it said (at least Stage 1) So, guess the Medical Oncologist will explain it better.

Calleen, I am sorry about
Calleen, I am sorry about your mom. I also lost my mom to cancer and yes I have some guilt that maybe I could have done more or less. Its hard to help make, or make decisions for others. I have a question for you. What do you think your mom would be telling you right now if she was here to do that?? I would guess your mom was a strong women, because it sounds like she really tired to fight to live. Think about it and I am so sure you will come through all of this fear. We all have the same fear and we are here for you. Hugs

taleena

lanie940 said:

Seems that Stage and Grade
Seems that Stage and Grade are two different things. I read over my report again, GRADE 2 and it said (at least Stage 1) So, guess the Medical Oncologist will explain it better.

Calleen.... my heart really
Calleen.... my heart really goes out to you... please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers... Try to take a deep breath... get your reports (all the pathology, those are the most important).. it will tell you the size of the "component" which is are the actual cancer cells, it will give you the grade, type of cancer, all the relative information that you will need to know in order to get the information that you are seeking... Please know that we are all here for you! You are surrounded by all of us and we will be here through the entire process...

I am so sorry about your mom, but as others have said, that is not on you... it was an unfortunate accident that should have never happend.. it is not on you... inside you know that... I have the same type of guilt over my brother who passed away last year... out of sheer exhaustion, I let him talk me out of taking him to the hospital when he wasn't feeling "right"... he didn't want to go and I was too exhausted to argue with him... I went to bed at 11 o'clock, at midnight he collapsed in my living room and my nephew performed cpr until the medic's got here... he passed away in my living room... I struggle with that night all the time...knowing I should have taken him... also knowing that he wanted to pass here in my home.. (he was a lung cancer patient)... Guilt is not our friend... and at some point we both need to let it go... I know it's easier said than done... but we can...

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.. I too am here for you.

♥ & hugs,

~T

fauxma

Akiss4me said:

Could you have said....
"no, Mom, I rather you DO NOT get treatment, then you WILL die of cancer"?
Of course you would want her to have treatment, unless you are a cruel, barbaric person! We all know you are not that!
Calleen, I feel for you because it must be aweful to carry this guilt around! None of us can foresee something out of the extrodinary happening in any situation. What happened to your mom was an accident. It could not have been predicted, was not part of her treatment, did not come from your thoughts, and certainly was not because of something you did or didn't do! YOU did not cause her death.
Please be kind and forgiving to yourself. When we are fighting this beast, EVERYTHING in our lives is blown out of porportion whether it is a thing of the past, something we are dealing with in the moment, or something we are sure will happen in the future (even if it doesn't).
We think in a whole different way because nothing is the same anymore and probably never will be. And even though we do, but shouln't, we beat up on ourselves for reasons we can not explain.
Keep that fierce attitude when you march into you Doctors office, but put it under foot when it wants to turn against you!
Sending lots of hugs and hoping you will come to a place to "let it go" with blaming yourself over your Mom.
♥ Pammy

Caleen,
Everyone has said
Caleen,
Everyone has said all the right things. It was not your fault about your mom. You wanted her to have the treatment and it wasn't the treatment but the cut that caused her death. And it sounds like without the treatment she would have died. Never feel to blame for wanting her to fight this. We are all here for you and you will get through this.
My prayers are with you through all that lies ahead.
STef

fauxma

lanie940 said:

Seems that Stage and Grade
Seems that Stage and Grade are two different things. I read over my report again, GRADE 2 and it said (at least Stage 1) So, guess the Medical Oncologist will explain it better.

Lanie,
Yes, stage and grade
Lanie,
Yes, stage and grade are different. Grade is how similar the cells look to normal cells with 1 being the most like normal and 3 being the least. Stage is how advanced the actual cancer is. Stage 1 is small with no node involvement and the stages go up from there based on size, node involvement and I forget what else. Your Med ONc will explain it much better but that's the basics. If I am wrong, the others will jump in and correct me.
Stef