I'm back...The pissed off vagina

sls

Hello again ladies. SS here. I havent been here in so long and though I pop in from time to time to read up on whats happening with my fellow vulvar cancer gals, I haven't contributed anything for quite some time. After just plain crying I have gotten a grip on myself and again even though I am so sad you all are here, I am also so thankful to have all of you. Have been cancer free since 03. My last message I believe was around January of 06. Since then I have fought with a herniated disc and have had three surgeries for that starting in April of this year. I wont go into that but lets just say I have lost my job and my 88 year old Nana has more stamina than I do. So between the various pain meds and steroids I am recovering from that. Unfortunately, I have completely ignored my vagina. So two weeks ago I notice that where part of my scar tissue from prior partial vulvectomy is (whoa, that sentence was a little much)there is an almond sized lump. WTF! For those of you who do not know what that means I think it is best you never find out. Regular Gyn on 9-28, then referred to Gyn Onc on 10-4 Yippee it's biposy time. And this one is not on the surface. Although I have been poked at and cut up so much lately I don't know that it will make a diferrence. So all that being said, God, I got the lesson on the first surgery, I quit my six day a week job and have spent some of the best time I ever had with my 11 year old son. Who is amazing by the way. I have a fabulous husband I am not sure I have totally known for nearly nine years. I don't get surgery two and three, and I definately thought I would have some sort of break here c'mon. So through all my anger, crying and cussing. What now? I just recently came to terms with the way my vagina looked after last partial vulvectomy. I also look back at when I was 24 and was so concerned with what type of scar a laparoscopy was going to leave. Silly girl, had I known then what I know now...Now I have gained so much weight after the back surgeries, I no longer am concerned with my physical appearance, I just really want a long happy and healthy life. Enlightenment is also good. I would almost kill to be able to do a yoga class. All that being said I will pray for all of you and send good vibes. I will check back next week.

PS thank you to the two ladies who responded to my last message. I am always grateful when someone gets my sense of humor as I fear I often offend. Nancy in Tahoe, I am in the beautiful Virginia City Highlands, NV. I appreciate all of your feedback.

cancerboysmom

Hold on to that sarcastic wit of yours.. it helps get you thru the night! Wishing you the best

Nancytahoe

It's Nancy in Tahoe. I never got an email thru ASC about you and your cancer. I do hope that you got yourself the book OUT SMART YOUR CANCER, Alternatives that really work. I hope even more that you looked into Protocel 50 for your cancer.
Last month marked 2 years for me of being cancer free thanks to Protocel. I have also helped a woman 63 years old outlive her doctors diagnoses of 6-9 months to live with adult Luekemia. She according to them should have died around Nov. I have also recommended Protocel 50 to my 80 year friend who has lung cancer in 2004. His onocoligist told him he was cancer free, and did not need to see him until April this year. I have also helped a woman with a cancer tumor on her carotoid artery. She is only 40 and has 4 boys 8 and under.

SS I surely hope you looked into both the book and the Protocel 50. Again, you can go to www.outsmartyourcancer.com for the book on Protocel, or call 1 866-776-8623. I do not receive any compensation for sales of the book, or the Protocell. I am simply trying to help cancer patients to educate themselves and be open about alternative treatments that they may not here about otherwise.

Best wishes for a cancer free life.!! Bless you SS, I have been in your shoes.

Nancytahoe

kimberleec

Hello SS,
I am just about to undergo a partial vulvalectomy on the 10th of april and I am terriefied that it is going to change my sexuality. I am having three sections removed and they dont know how much they are going to cut away as they dont know how far the cells have spread. How have you coped? Did it change how your vaginal lips looked dramatically? I would love to hear from you, when you have time, it would be great to talk to someone who has been through it. Do you have MSN if you do my nick is kimberlee_c88@hotmail.com

sls

kimberleec said:

Hello SS,
I am just about to undergo a partial vulvalectomy on the 10th of april and I am terriefied that it is going to change my sexuality. I am having three sections removed and they dont know how much they are going to cut away as they dont know how far the cells have spread. How have you coped? Did it change how your vaginal lips looked dramatically? I would love to hear from you, when you have time, it would be great to talk to someone who has been through it. Do you have MSN if you do my nick is kimberlee_c88@hotmail.com

Dear Kimberleec,
I am sorry for not replying sooner. I am so sad to hear what you are going through. I was told wide local excision. What they removed was entirely different. Again, do not do as I did which was to look at it immediately after surgery. There will be alot of swelling and as you heal it will go down quite a bit. I also never plan on showing my vagina to anyone after a friend said OH MY GOD! Thanks alot friend...

After nearly four years the incision scar is barely noticeable. My regular Doctor's wife (also his nurse) has joked that she wished the gyn onc also did face lifts. My surgery definately caused some disfiguration. I am however blessed and fortunate to have a fantastic husband also with a sense of humor. For the longest time I felt mutilated, angry, scared and just plain pissed! Sometimes I still go back to that place. It is easy to get angry, and a myriad of other emotions that come along with it. Sometimes you just gotta say WTF. I had someone tell me to take it one day at a time. Well that being all fine and good let's be realistic. So my new mantra is to take it one quarter at a time. What this means is...on any given day one may go to the dark side mentally. So I have decided that if I can manage to think, feel and act positively for atleast 50 % of my day, than this must be an improvement. So I divide my day into quarters. I always have a good morning and start by counting my blessing no matter how small. Then when I begin to drift to the dark side I know that as long as I drift back to the good side I still feel somewhat in control. I have so many good things in my life to help balance out the other areas.

One tip I found very helpful online, although I cannot remeber where I found it, which my doc did not suggest, was using a blowdryer to keep the area dry. I used a very low setting and healed quite quickly. And let me tell you when I read online I thought it was the craziest thing I ever heard. But one week after I was back to work (which was way too early but I have been accused of being a little crazy). Everytime I used the bathroom I used the blowdryer. I was fortunate enough to have a private bathroom in the office. Make sure to discuss that with your doc first as it may be outdated.

In terms of sexuality, yes mine was affected. Fortunately for me my hormones were able to override my fear of intimacy after surgery. Again, scar tissue may cause some problems, mine did for a time. Now I am dealing with this Bartholins Gland nonsense and may have fourth back surgery. Still looking for a website on that one.

I have a friend with Vaginal Cancer and it has taken her a very long time to recover and resume intimacy. All women and surgeries are different.

Kimberlee, remeber to count your daily blessings. I vent alot, but I also try to think as positive as I can. I am so grateful for so many things. Know that there are other vulvar gals out there who have survived, and you can too.

My prayers and blessings to you.

SS