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melt down day

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi All,
Well today was just too much. It feels like everything is crushing me from the top on down. I told my husband , well really yelled at him in tears, that it is all too much to handle. I try to be so strong and not get upset, but I just don't know how to keep up with everything. My elderly mom, my mom in law, my hubby, florida drama and me.... It feels like no one really understands how hard it is. I know that I am scared of the up coming rads, It is very difficult to go through. Mostly I keep the fear in the way back of my brain, but not today. Do you ever feel like a ticking time bomb.... Thats me... Thanks for letting me vent a little..
Lisha

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

Oh man Lisha, yes I have melt down days too. I wish I help with more than just prayers and good will. It will get better. I know things are rough, but you CAN do this. Take it a step at time.

Have you done anything GOOD for YOU today? What about soaking in a hot bubble bath for a bit? That n my bed are my favorite places to be.

We're thinking about you and sending lots of cyber hugs {{{Lisha}}}

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Beth,
I am feeling a tiny bit better, not much. i am waiting for my hubby to get back with chinese take out. I hope the soup will warm me up, in more ways than one. I just seem to be hitting a down point. Stress, pain and fatigue are starting to really take its toll on me. Thanks for the cyber hugs, they really mean a lot to me right now...
Lisha

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2413
Joined: May 2010

Lisha,
We all have those meltdown days. We can put up fronts all we want too,but most of the time you are seeing what is on the outside. Anybody that says they don't have those meltdown days or at least do a lot of thinking about it we would have to wonder about them. Time will make it less of an issue. We are going thru or been thru an experience that we have never encountered before. It is all the unknown to us,but after a while we get used to it as a kinda normal experience. You will make it thru this. The tiredness plays a big factor too. It is rough getting up everyday and feeling like somebody beat the hell of you and are ready for a nap before breakfast. The chemo brain is another thing that is irratating as heck. You find you can't remember crap like you used to do. You wonder if and when this stuff is going to come back. I do think they are getting closer and closer to some kind of permanent remission for lymphoma and as time goes on we get closer and closer to that time. Everything you are going thru is perfectly normal. Its called being human. John
(FNHL-1-4A-(5/10)

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi John,
Thanks. You are right, everyone has meltdown days. I sure do wish it was not the case, but since it is, I feel better just knowing that I can turn to all of you for support. My hubby is great, but has his plate full too. Sometimes I just need to talk to friends who have been there. Thank you. As far as memory goes, mine is really bad. Never fully recovered it from the last time I had rads. It got better, but never back to my pre c tx normal. Sigh... So, of course I am now starting to really get worried about all the loss and impairment to come.. I know I will get through all of this, it's just so so hard right now.
Lisha
BTW The soup did help me feel a little more like me.

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Lisha,
Dang...wish I lived close by and could stop in and give you a hug. I've also had one of those days today. Got up thinking I would feel so good with not having the pred in me for two days, but not to be. I ached all day from my jaws down to my toes. My scar on my shoulder from the rotator cuff surgery really hurt today and felt like it was stretching and pulling...UGH! My throat feels sore and my ears, ribs, stomach and back hurt, so I don't know if it's the after affect of the chemo/pred, or if I'm coming down with something. I finally curled up in my chair with the heating pad and just stayed there for 4 hours. Feel better tonight, but certainly arn't up to doing anything that requires much effort! I'm so sorry you are having a bad day also...maybe tomorrow we will be more perky. Two Libra's down in the same day...now thats just not right!...ha! Prayers and love to you Lisha.
Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Sue,
I am so sorry that you are also having a hard time. I pray your not coming down with anything. Do you have anything to take for pain. Sometimes it's just better to take a little something instead of having any pain. For the most part, pain and I have become good friends. We know how to work together, Of course with our other good friend, morphine. LOL. Kidding aside, do not let pain take control. This is what I have learned the hard way. Stay on top of it, always.
My middle daughter stopped in today and was feeling very sick. That scared me, so i sent her home. I think she has a bad cold. Then, my youngest daughter who lives with us, came home after 4 days away, with a fever. Told her to stay in her room and not come out. Very scary being around sick people..
I know that Steve was ill, so I pray you will stay healthy...
I agree, two Libra's having a hard day is not right at all... Lets hope we both feel better tomorrow. I'll take just a small bit better to make me happy.
I have some new neighbors with a brand new baby, and I always bake for new people on our street, I'm hoping that I'll be able to bake this week. Baking used to be my way to not think about cancer and pain, doesn't seem to work as well as it used to...Sigh
Peaceful healing and hugs to you
Lisha

vinny59's picture
vinny59
Posts: 1032
Joined: Nov 2006

Lisha Sue, Believe me it does get better, just take a day at a time, TREATMENTS will be over before you guy's know it. Hard to believe that a week ago I had 101.6 fever thinking my cancer did not go away, and here it is a week later, I'm cancer free. I still feel only about 50%, but better. Just keep thinking of the prize, it will get better guy's! Prayers and positive thoughts your way............ Vinny

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 610
Joined: Jun 2010

Hi guys,

I am praying for you (everyday) but esp. today. I know about those days and they just are awful. The only thing "good"about them is they do pass , thank God! And I think its good to let it all out sometimes, or we would explode! This disease is like a gigantic test that nobody told us to study for. Just don't forget that you are not alone- you have all of us with you EVERY step of the way. Good days (John &Vinny )and bad (lisha & Sue) we are in this together!! Love and hugs...

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi guys..
Got up today and couldn't believe the difference from yesterday. No aches or pains and my throat and ears are clear. Steve said he remembers after my second round when I finished the pred week, I felt the same way...funny..I didn't remember..ha! Fourteen days until the next round and if I continue to feel like I do today, then "YIPPEE". The time just goes too fast between rounds though! Thanks for the encouraging words my friends!
Have a good day...Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

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