Feel Alone and Angry

Tina Blondek said:

Hey Superman Adam
We met on
Hey Superman Adam
We met on chat last night. I am hoping that today is a better day for you. I read in one of your posts that it is time to show your girlfriend your love. I totally agree. No more anger, no more pain, no more being negative. They are all a waste of your time and energy. Give her 100% of your love. Put all of your time and energy into loving her. Please do not let those beautiful blue eyes of your shed another tear over this situation. We have your back here on CSN! Keep in touch and I will see you on chat!
Tina

Hugs!
There isn't much I can follow with after all these great posts, but do save your energy to healing....take care of your body, commit to it, put all the good stuff in and let your immune system take off. Remember, talk to your doctor, they can put you on something that will take the anxiety away, and once you are in control, they cans slowly take you off them. You know I had to take them after awhile, I think I was on edge and without realizing it I was pushing people away, or had a low tolerance. Now I see it. I am in control. I just needed to step back and think, "what is the common denominator?" ME!

To healing! Research supplements, what can you do on your side to heal....Stress is the worst thing for your cancer, cancer feeds on it, it's as bad as sugar! My thinking....

supermanhadley said:

thanks
I think i read and reread you comment about being the person we want to be before we can become that person. Those words were really special, and helped me tremendously.

Sometimes she thinks I am pushing her out when really that is how I feel too. Throughout all of this she has tried so hard to be strong and somedays I wish she would just breakdown in front of me so I know it isn't only me. I too want to feel like I can be there for her. I wish she would let me.

I've never loved someone so much. I think it scares both of us.

And thanks too for the hugs. I'll take them and give them back atcha:)

her breaking down
I'm glad those words helped, Superman. I have three twenty-something children: it was something they had to learn, too.

Breaking down is hard for some people: I go and go and go and then just finally can't go any more without letting go of some of the stress. Maybe your girlfriend is that way, too. Believe me, if it is in there, it will come out. You'll have to let her know you want to be the one she shares it with and she will have to feel safe doing it in front of you.

It will come. If it is there, it will come. It is possible that cancer is just a thing with her, something one deals with (successfully) and moves on. Give her space: she may not handle some things well and may cry over them, but this may be something she is good with. Caregiving is an instinct for some people.

More hugs - not so cautious this time

Hi Hadley
Oh boy can I relate. I had a BMT years ago and was in isolation for a long time too. That was a tough tough time and I went through so many emotions in there as you are. Anger was a big one. I was married at the time and while my ex was good and helped me as much as he could he was still working and taking care of our two young childrent and that's alot plus having to deal with my illness but at the time I was in bad shape and survival mode has kicked in during that period and so really it's very hard to think of anyone else when you are struggling to survive. Be easy on yourself, you have alot on your plate.

Yup I totally know that caregivers have a hard time during the process too but my experience personally has been as a survivor so I know that way better.

Sounds like you are going through the stages of loss of your health, at least for now anywho, and that's all normal. If you get stuck in any one of the stages of grief/loss then you might want to consider talking with a grief counsellor so they can help you out of the stage you are stuck in, anger is where you must be stuck now or so it sounds.

Also this board is here for you, we understand where others do not so don't hesitate to keep posting here for input, validation and support.

Hope your isolation ends soon and you can get home and on with your life. I had a very tough recovery but then I had congestive heart failure during the isolation so had to recover from that too. That was 20 years ago though so hopefully treatments are not as harsh as they were then for some of us.

Blessings,
Bluerose

P.S. If you ever want to talk about the transplant and isolation you can mesage me directly too, I sure can relate to what you are going through or went through as no doubt you are home by now.