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Death, I'll say it again it's about that dreaded word Death

herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

It wasn't cancer, oh no, cancer did not claim another life today. It was plain and simple "old age".
I hesitate to say this, because I wonder, including myself, how many of us will be able to ever claim that as our cause of death.
Richard Zeiler, brave soul that died today, had only two people left to care about him, my Aunt his cousin and myself his second cousin.
Mental Retardation made him like a 13 year old. His sins, were sins his mother taught him. He thought he was a large sinner and would never reach Heaven.
Heaven has a special place for him I'm sure, for me, a non believer, I have to, I have no other way in explaining a hereafter for him. For his sake, for his soul, today, I believe in Heaven. I believe he walks with his girlfriend (of 40 years) also suffering from mental retardation, that tonight, they are holding hands, laughing and walking well. She died 7 years ago from breast cancer, her parents, took her body from him, and didn't allow him to be at the funeral, he was not worthy in their minds.
So for me, tonight after being with him since Friday afternoon until today, convincing him, he will be with her once again, I thank the Gods, the Father, the Supreme Being, for allowing me to believe, that they are living in peace and happiness.
As I watched him slowly die, I saw myself dying in his place as well. And while you may not believe in self termination, after the past three days, I do. To watch gasp after gasp for breath, to watch the suffering, I believe in the right to choose your way of death. I called my husband and told him if he dared to allow me to spend my last few days on earth that way, I would forever haunt him, forever!!! Nothing, nothing is peaceful about a slow death, NOTHING!!! Put a pillow over my head, save the morphine and give it all at once, but for my sake, do NOT allow me to make you suffer and me suffer for that last few days.

jararno's picture
Posts: 189
Joined: May 2010

I too believe he is now at peace walking and laughing with his lady love! I am not religous, but I still at times find myself in prayer, or making a wish I guess!

Hope you find the strength to get through these days. You stood by someone who others abandoned....You are soul searching right now I am sure. Death does this to us....makes us wonder.

It is funny, but with my past 8 months of Colon Cancer, I am more at peace than ever. I don't know why or how. I kow i don't want to suffer. I also know that I don't want cancer to be my life. I am scheduled for 4 more treatments out of 12 total. I am not in pain at this time. I know that I will be facing many tests soon. I am updating my will, my DNR, my living will. I am not afraid, I don't cry about the cancer. I believe that we should be able to choose our time and place! No one should suffer because others are selfish and want us here.

Take care of yourself.....you are an angel!

Love Barb

PhillieG's picture
Posts: 4912
Joined: May 2005

This is why we need people like Dr Kevorkian in my opinion. It's tragic that he had to suffer a slow death not to mention how his "mother" put the weight of her own fears on her own son. Gotta love the Fear Factor, that's the message one often gets. Our health or conditions are a result of our sinning. I know it's not right to condemn all religions for the actions of a few unstable people but it sure doesn't help the case.

The sad thing, if your husband did do that, he would likely be charged with homicide by some self-righteous prosecutor.

Currently our family is dealing with our Mom being in a rehab facility due to a fall she took a few months ago. She is 91 and in relatively good health but the fall was a set back. We had a meeting with the staff and all of the family and again, we stressed to the staff about her DNR* order. She is so against any heroics but doctors who could keep her breathing possibly if she were dying.

We also have a cousin who's mother in law is gravely ill. The Mom had all of these DNR orders in place but when the time came, one brother stepped in and had them do things that are keeping her breathing and not letting her die in peace. I can think of few things that are more cruel than that.

*DNR (Do Not Resuscitate)

pepebcn's picture
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

the sad news ,
lt makes me think a lot .
No words.

Anonymous user (not verified)

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Lovekitties's picture
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

It is a terrible thing to watch a loved one, waiting for the end, and seeing them suffer.

I agree with you, and have told my kids (plus have living will) that I do not ever want to be kept alive if there is no hope of living a meaningful life. There are only a few states where you can leagally determine to end your own life if you have a fatal illness. I wish all states would adopt it. It is not that they make it easy to do it either. There are many steps that must be gone thru in order to get the meds you need to do the deed.

I am glad you feel that a Richard is now in a better place, pain free, with the ones he loved who have gone before him. From what you said his life here was not very kind to him. You are a loving cousin to stand beside him to help ease his passing at the cost of your own heartache.

May the pain of his passing be eased as the days go by. Always keep that picture in your mind of him and his lady love walking hand in hand.

Marie who loves kitties

Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

in Nov '08, watching the body struggle after DNR in effect,the heart trying to beat, the lungs trying to breath, etc, I would rather mine end like our cat and dog's. Do not believe parents were not in pain at the end, even if neither supposedly conscious. Just shoot me up when there's no hope left......steve

HollyID's picture
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

Watching a person die slowly is not pretty, nor is it the way I want to die. I'm not having a hard time with death, but the mode. I too don't want to die a slow, agonizing, hanging on for days death. I'm with you. Give me all the morphine at once, suffocate me. I don't want to hang on. Gimme a shot like they do dogs and cats. Sneak me a vial of potassium chloride and shoot it all at once.

I watched my dad hang on for days with his cheyne-stokes breathing wondering if every gasp was going to be his last. With all my siblings and my mom standing around him, we finally had to tell him it's OK to go and we'll be OK. He finally took his last breath.

I dunno.

Maybe I'll get shot in the back by a jealous wife. :D (That was meant to be a joke, people!)

Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6711
Joined: Feb 2009

So sorry for your loss. Hoping that you find comfort and peace during these trying days as it will be difficult to let go. Thinking of you.


Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

I am sorry for your loss.

tootsie1's picture
Posts: 5065
Joined: Feb 2008

I'm so sorry about your cousin. I'm sure he was a very special person.


Buzzard's picture
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I am sorry for your loss.......I think that you want to talk to vent so I will listen instead of speak...You know we love you, I am here if you need anything...Clift

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009


herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

Thank you each and everyone for writing. It did help to vent, and I thank you all for having given me that opportunity.
Winter Marie

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