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Trying to be strong

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi All,
I hope all of you had a lovely weekend. I managed to get through mine with out to many fears and tears.
I do wonder what is next.
I'll be thinking only good thoughts for those of you starting treatment this week. And for those who are in the middle of it, stay strong and positive.
Lisha

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

I can relate to the tears and fears......they truly suck, but take heart my friend it WILL get better. Treatments are the pitts, no other way to put it, but they are healing. I suffered with migraines and allergies usually all summer and I went through treatment with NO HEADACHES and besides being tired beyond tired I felt GREAT. I told my onc that the road to cancer you don't really notice (or rather I didn't) how bad I really felt until I felt GOOD. It was like WOW, is this how I should have been feeling all this time????

Four and a half months of treatment seems like forever before you start, but one day you wake up and realize "I'm done. I made it. now what??"

You'll be fine, we'll walk you through it, cry with you when you need it, support you any way we can. If you need to talk I'll be happy to email you my phone number. Any time.

Take care of yourself, and buy stock in Kleenex :)

Beth

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Beth,
Thanks for the words of wisdom and support. I am trying to keep it together, laughing at the silly little stuff and avoiding the big scary stuff ( for now ). I read that your dogs are such a part of your life. Wow, I can totally relate. I have three human kids, three human grandkids and my 8 year old BIG baby of a dog/child. She is always always there when I need a hug, a cuddle or just some company to nap/rest with. What kind of dogs do have? I can't imagine life without a dog or two in it. She really does help make the hard times just a little less hard for me.
Today is just another day of waiting. I hope it passes quickly. I really hope the Dr calls with some sort of direction for me. I do feel like a lost ship in a very big ocean.....
Thanks again for your kindness and wisdom.
Lisha

PS Did buy the large packs of kleenex at costco LOL

GalacDad's picture
GalacDad
Posts: 40
Joined: Aug 2010

Lisha,
Understand fully what you are feeling, I was the same way during my battle. Actually told the wife I felt I could make it go away if I ran off and did'nt see the docs anymore. Thought aboput it on occassion, but glad I did'nt follow through.
Yes, the days of waiting seem like they never end, but doe'nt wish them away either. Try and find something, even the smallest of things and enjoy it for all it is worth. Once everything starts, it will be done before you know it.
Dave

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Dave,
I really did relate to your post. I have felt like running away many times. In fact, the last time I had ca and was being admitted to the hosp for whole body rads, I did run out of there. I was so friggin scared. My wonderful, understanding husband did help me see that I really needed to be there, so I went back for the treatment ( only took 2 hrs to talk me into it)LOL. I have been in this second remission for 14 years. I am so glad that I did go back. 14 years is a long time in the ca world.. So, here I go again. It doesn't matter how many times you have ca or how many different types of ca you have, it is always scary.....
I am so glad to have found this great site with such wonderful new friends...
Thanks, Lisha

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

I have two dogs and two cats. Pogo is the big baby in our house, the youngest and biggest drama queen we've ever seen :). She is ....something. Part Shar Pei/Shepherd/Pit Bull?? Not sure exactly WHAT she is. She is about 80 pounds of muscle, block head, no hair and her markings look more like a rottie to me. She's beautiful, very dark brown and a royal pain in the butt! Gidget is a Border Collie/Retriever mix. Black with a white cross on her chest and she's the "bulldozer" who gives me NO privacy LOL.

When I was doing chemo I actually had 4 dogs (3 we've had to put down since) and I couldn't have made it through all the really bad times without them. They know when you're sad, tired, in need of love and always have their eyes on you. One of the three we put down would lay in the hall so she could watch me take a bath at night and still be able to see my husband at the same time. She knew exactly where she needed to be to see us both at every opportunity LOL.

Enjoy all your babies, and we had new babies (2) great nephew and great niece that were born when I started chemo and I would go over there for a baby fix. Corben and I were both bald together....Kyleigh was born with more hair than me :) Nothing helped bring a smile to my face more than holding infants and being peed and puked on LOL.

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Our girl is a Newfoundland. She watches me too. she is about 164 lbs of fur and love. Sometimes I am upstairs on the computer, late at night and I hear the thunder on the steps. There she is just wanting to lay next to me.
Babies are great in any shape.......

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

The only pet I have running around the house is 2 legged!!!..ha! When the boys left home they each took their dogs with them. I spent soooo many years feeding and cleaning up poop in the yard from "their" dogs(we all know how that goes)..that when we no longer had an animal in the house I was ok with it. Plus...every time they go away we keep their dogs and when they come to visit they bring their dogs with them, so...I figure I still get to enjoy them, but just don't have to feed or clean up after them now. My two legged one gets all of my attention now! However.. his fur "IS" getting rather sparse....ha!
Love...Sue

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Sue,
I think it is wonderful that you get to have the love of a dog in your life, without the mess LOL.
I've been thinking a lot about you today and hope that you are staying strong. It will seem very busy for a bit , but then you will have time to just relax between the treatments.
Keep smiling and keep posting. Your wonderful humor is such a blessing......
Lisha

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

Lisha,

I know exactly what you are feeling - because this is a new experience for us. We gotta ride together and make it through treatment. I will start chemo first time tomorrow. Reading and receiving support here uplifts me. Few hours ago, I had been emotional and now, I say - let's go and I look forward to send you report of my experience - THAT motivates me to move on!!

Hugs,
Liz

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Liz,
You may have gone off to bed , but in case your still up , please know that I am sending you love and good wishes for your first day tomorrow. I can't be there with you, but will be there in spirit.
I have gained so much strength from all of my new friends and it really does help me get through this difficult time.
Lisha

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

Good luck to you today. The first time is the longest day of your life! Hopefully everything goes smoothly for you. If you can take a laptop, movies, food, books, ipod, pillow you will be able to get comfy. My onc just laughs at me when I go with a bag of goodies!

Take care and know I am thinking about you today!

Beth

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