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Just lost my mother!

Posts: 3
Joined: Feb 2010

I just lost my mother 2 weeks ago and its been so hard to say the least! She had AML but the thing is she was able to get it under control even after relapsing twice!
She was coughing all night long so we took her to the hospital thinking she will just get antibiotics and be ok. She ended up having pneumonia and got DIC and a septic shock and died within hours. We were SO shocked to say the least! It was so unexpected.

She was 52 years old and has been battling AML for 3 years. She also got a stroke in year 1 because of complications from chemo. This left with post stroke pain which is a constant pain on the side of the body that was affected by the stroke. It was horrible.

Why do bad things happen to such good people? I feel like theres no one that understands. I'm back at work and everyone is acting like nothing happened. I understand that the world can't stop but boy is it hard to see it move on. Just doesn't seem fair. I'm 28 years old and I was just SO close to my mom. She was a my best friend and I just can't imagine how to move forward. People say that shes in your heart and think of the memories that she left. All that is nice but I really miss her being and interacting with her.

I feel like I'm venting but it feels like no one really understands. Even people that I thought were close friends haven't really been supportive. I guess before my mom got sick, I never understood what it felt like to lose a parent either.

This just hurts so bad!

Posts: 85
Joined: Apr 2009

So sorry for your lost. My Mother is still living, but I've lost a Father and a Brother. There are no words to help. There isn't anything material that will help. It's a hurt that deep in your heart that nobody can take away. Only time will heal the pain, but it never goes away. Eventually you'll be able to pass on what I'm passing on to you. We can not dwell on death. We need to dwell on the happy moments and share that persons life with someone eles that has lost a love one. My Dad and my Bother were both Great men. I'm so bless to have know them. I'm sure your Mother was too!

Posts: 3
Joined: Feb 2010

Thanks Lisa. I think thats what I'm gathering as well. No words or materialistic things can help. Its such a frustrating time. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad and brother. How long ago did you lose them?

I've been reading some other posts online where people have lost their mothers, and its been years and they still miss their mother a lot and cry and say its just as hard. I just really can't imagine how things will get any better. I was never away from her for more than 4 weeks.

I just wish I could speak to her one last time!

mirna i miss u
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2010

i'm sorry u lost your mom.i recently lost my wife on feb 10.she had all and fought for almost 6 years.she had two bone marrow transplants.she past away also from pneumonia and was only 30 years old.i will pray for u and ur family.god bless

Posts: 31
Joined: Feb 2010

I am an AML survivor and nearly died of sepsis while being treated. I went into the hospital for a 'routine' transfusion between chemo rounds, and got the infection while I was there. It came on hard and fast. If I had not gotten that infection while I was in the hospital...if I had gotten it at home instead, that extra time probably would have killed me.

Sorry about your mom. But stuff like that is always a risk...sometimes moreso than the cancer itself.

Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2010

Just lost my mom as well she had MDS which transitioned into leukemia. She developed pneumonia and about 6 other infections. It took 2 and half weeks from the time they told us it was leukemia. She was trying to get ready for chemo she was only 70 lbs and they couldn't give it to her till she gained weight and she developed all the infections they treated her for them but her body just couldn't fight. I'm hurt an angry I miss her in a way that I can't even describe. I'm a single mother of four and she was the one who was with me raising my children. I understand how you feel. People keep asking me how am I doing and all I can think is I'm existing but I will never truly be happy again. Every moment from now on even the good ones will be followed by " but my mom isn't here to see it" She was a beautiful loving woman she sacrificed everything to be by my side and I will never be able to let her know how much I loved her. I keep trying to be grateful that she is no longer in pain no longer suffering but I still think Oh my God I need My mom and she isn't here any longer.

Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2010

I lost my mom 9 years ago to AML. She was sick a long time, finally got a diagnosis of AML and died a week later. I remember well the agony that I went through during that week, watching her deteriorate, knowing that she would not survive and trying to find words to tell her how much I loved her. There is nothing I can say to you that will take away your pain. I can say that time does heal, and to our shock, life goes on, even without our mothers. Most of my life was spent loving my mother beyond words. When she left, I remember telling my sister that it was my worst nightmare come true. Oftentimes, I would think to myself, 'is Mom really gone? Did she really die?' It was as if it had not happened. I will say that for most of the first year, I was hit by waves of grief. It would come out of the blue. I had the gut wrenching, screaming crying fits (in my home), begging her to come back. Even then, it seemed so childish, but I didn't care. I wasn't above begging God. Then slowly, those waves of crippling agony would come less frequently. Now, they are gone. I miss my mother, of course! But I chose to go on without her...to be happy without her. My only advice to you is that when the sadness hits you, allow it to wash over you. Feel the pain. Allow yourself to hurt because it does hurt. Tell your family to talk about your mom and share memories. That was one of my greatest joys was to hear other people's stories of how my Mom was a positive in their life, and to hear funny stories about her. Be mindful about depression, but don't deny it if it happens. Try to participate in the Leukemia and Lymphoma Light the Night events. Being around people who have experienced the same thing and who are working to help the cause will help you. Hang in there Sweetie. In time (your own time), you will find a place inside yourself to keep your Mom.

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