CSN Login
Members Online: 1

You are here

My recently found out my uncle ( He raised me and is my dad) has lung cancer.

shereenjay's picture
shereenjay
Posts: 12
Joined: Sep 2009

I'm not sure what to really write, But it would be nice for some support.

I don't know the technicial terms very well. All I know is he had lung cancer one day then a week later i find out he has it all over his body and in his blood. He is a stage 4. The doctors say he has days maybe even weeks, but when we asked if he had months they said no. The doctors say chemo isn't worth much to him becuase he is in such bad health at this point, Plus he has denied it all.

I can't get him to eat, drink, he just sleeps all day and is in so much pain I'm getting scared I'm going to find him in the morning when I go to work. This morning he woke me up before I went to work and told me he feels like he isn't oing to make it to Tuesday.

I guess I'm writing this to...take the ease off of me and to make my heart feel not so broken. I just can't imagine him not here everyday. My mind doesn't want to believe it, but I know its going to happen. everyone keeps saying "I'm sorry", and to think he will be in a better place, honestly them saying these things makes it worse.

please someone give me some words to ease my heart and make my soul brighter.

At 22 I am too young to lose him.
I wanted him to give me away when I get married.
I wanted him to see me graduate college and be proud of me.
I wanted him to see my son grow up.

Life has its unexpected moments that I never thought I'd hear.
Thanks for reading. Hope all is well with others here.

MichelleP's picture
MichelleP
Posts: 254
Joined: May 2009

I'm so sorry to hear of your dad. But, I don't understand why the doc says only days....not even weeks. Is it andenocarcinoma....did he wait before seeing the onc doc? And why isnt chemo an option? My husband was diagnosed stage 3 in March 2009 and of course they said radiation and surgery we not an option, but the chemo has helped him so very much. During the diagnosis he couldn't even walk 2 ft and was totally bedridden and transported via wheel chair. Today is was walking all over the house and totally upbeat. Not as healthy as late last year,no, but still he's active. Have you considered a second opinion?

shereenjay's picture
shereenjay
Posts: 12
Joined: Sep 2009

Yes he has waited. It is eating his spine and liver.

He is a mans man type of guy. You know the tough man. Doctor said he is too unhealthy to have chemo, that in it self might kill him. He is 6'4 and is 100lbs. They said they can only get it out of his lungs and not out of his blood. plus he denied it. He won't do it.

He is trying some herbs called red clover and I'm making tea for him to drink 4 cups a day.

*sigh* thank you so much for responding, it helps talking about it. i can't cry much in front of him. It upsets him to see me hurt.

cabbott
Posts: 1048
Joined: Aug 2006

Even if he denies that he has cancer, you need support. One organization that is dedicated to helping people who are terminal is Hospice. Even if he refuses their assistance directly, they would be open to supporting you. When my grandfather was dying of terminal prostrate cancer, he also stopped eating. We thought he was trying to gracefully bow out and we kept fighting with him to eat. Then we put him in a hospital for folks with eating problems. That wasn't his problem. Finally he went to a rest home because we couldn't take care of him. Long after he died I found a book by hospice that explained the things you see when someone is dying of cancer. It also had things we could have done to help him be more comfortable and maybe stay longer at home. We did our best, but we didn't know much. You might call hospice right now so that they can counsel you. They will understand.

shereenjay's picture
shereenjay
Posts: 12
Joined: Sep 2009

But hospice wont, they dont do pre death anything

shereenjay's picture
shereenjay
Posts: 12
Joined: Sep 2009

But hospice wont, they dont do pre death anything

cobra1122's picture
cobra1122
Posts: 244
Joined: Jul 2009

I realize these are easy words to say, but you have to stay strong for yourself and for your Uncle/Dad. He dosen't want to face the reality or is trying to down play the impact it has on him.
first, you both need some outside support, for him it will help deal with what is going on what to expect and to give positive imput. For you it will help you deal with the whole picture and help you cope with what is going on.
I am on Hospice and have been since Jan 25 2009, but I am still going strong (I am only 49yrs old). I have moved to the terminal stage of the Lung cancer that has mets to other regions of the body.
I also have only less thatn 45% of my heart working, suffer from numerous strokes, numerous head injuries that lead to early onset of Altzheimers and Parkinsons. The Hospice gives my wife and family peace of mind while they help me deal with and care for my illnesses. They are understanding and caring, they see to everything I need, so we don't have to. I realize that my time is limited, but I continue to live on and they support that. I volunteer once a week at the rehab hospital my wife works at( she's a Occupational therapist) I talk to patients about their illnesses and their treatments. I help them deal with what is going on as I help their family through the rehab process.
You have to look with a positive atitude and help your Uncle/Dad do the same, create memories and enjoy each others time together, or you will live a sad life.
He needs Positive imput and love to get through this. Because he has cancer dosen't mean that he will die soon, I keep beating the odds, so he can to. It is just keeping the positive and support going that will help him most.

Our Prayers and Best Wishes to Your Uncle/Dad and You and the Family.
Dan and Margi Harmon

indydorsey13
Posts: 38
Joined: Sep 2009

Good encouragement from Cobra !

freddyfox
Posts: 10
Joined: Sep 2009

I am 22 and i lost my mom july 10. its all fucked up now. not fair, but **** what is???...my mom was my whole life. best friend,etc..... NO WORDS WILL HELP US. NO WORDS WILL DESCRIBE MY PAIN. I am destroyed and have no soul left yet there are positives..she will no longer suffer something she never EVER DESERVED. she was and is (she is still here, only physical left)the BEST MOM I COULD HAVE EVER ASKED FOR.

YOUR father ( i know hes your uncle but thats jus a title, i feel he is your father by your words) is STILL HERE ....BE WITH HIM AND LOVE HIM ALL THE TIME....ALL WE HAVE IN THIS WORLD IS APPRECIATION...WITHOUT IT WE ARE DOOMED. SMELL HIM , HOLD HIM, KISS HIM, ETC>>>>

GOD BLESS AND PLZ KEEP ME UPDATED...I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR PAIN TO NOT OVERCOME YOU. If i was suicidal i would have left this hellhole because i know what your going through. I watched my older brother get murdered infront of my eyes , My mom was the only good thing left ..and now shes gone too. LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME...LIVE FOR THE MOMENT AND DAY .We are ALLL born to die. GOD BLESS YOU

shereenjay's picture
shereenjay
Posts: 12
Joined: Sep 2009

So my (dad) He isn't doing so well. Last night I almost didn't think he would make it. He is in a lot of pain. He knows where his salvation lies and I know it to. I finally got what I needed from him. You know life has it Ironic ways, about a year ago I was in the ICU and he was there everyday watching me die day by day, by my side, so I wouldn't die alone. Now I am watching him and I will not let me die alone, this I told him. I He cried, I haven't seen him cry since the day I awoke from my coma a year ago. We hugged and we cried together and just the touch of his frale body made me sob.

He is very angry at this point, he is up and down with his tone. One min angry next sweet and caring. He isn't afriad of death. He is okay with it, he has given up and i respect it. He doesnt want hospice, he doesnt want anyone feelign bad for him, becuase in his eyes it will either make or break the people in his life. He wants to die in his home with his family, well so be it. Its hard but its his choice.

He told me after he dies I have two choices. I can break and never pick the pices up or I can get up and have fullfilling life with Jesus like him. I'm still lost to how God can love us so much but let us hurt. My dad's answer to this is its his fault for smoking, I know this but I still hurt. I am devestated. Sorry I'm all over the place. I have a lot to get out. I have already told hm everything I feel and I'v cried. I'm happy with what I have said and I am not afraid of him dying. I'm afraid of not having anyone. My mother dropped me off in the middle of nowhere when I was 13, and he picke dme up and gave me the love and tools in life that has made me a better person today. what will I do when I need him or advice when he is gone??

Anyways last night was real bad, I felt as if I was tucking in my child, but it was my dad. He was ice cold and I tucked him in and for some odd reason it was great but hurt also. I cant write anymore, This is too upsetting.. Thank you alll for your help and support. Bye for now.

cobra1122's picture
cobra1122
Posts: 244
Joined: Jul 2009

Shereenjay, I am truly sorry that it has come to this in your Uncle/Fathers life, but I must commend you for at least honoring his wishes. I am on hospice in my own home and it has been a comfort for my wife and myself, they take alot of the burden off her shoudler, I think your father has the wrong idea, as many of us have, on what hospice does. Manybe you should look into it and just sit down and go over it with him, if he has reached the road you say he has chosen.
Hospice has taken the pressure off my wife and family so that we can share what time we have left together with alot less stress. If yyou check my bio, you will seen that I truly understand what your father is going thro.
God didnt give us this disease, some things are not of Gods doing, But he has put tools out there for us to use to get thro these hard times, unbearable to say it truly. But in this there are lessons to be learned, maybe not by you, and why you may never know. But when everything is said and done, I truly believe that I will be in a better place and I will see my wife and family again one day.
I have used this time I have to Volunteer at the Rehab Hospital my wife works at, she is a therapist. I try to get other patients to understand that life still goes on and that there is always a positive for them if they just look. I have used this time to try and help others, tho my volunteering has become more limited.

But truly look into Hospice, your father can still stay home, and the pressure will be reduce on everyone. I am thankful that they are here for us.

Our Prayers and Best wishes to Your uncle/father, you and your family,

Dan and Margi Harmon

mej63
Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2009

I understand what you're going through. We were told my precious father had lung cancer after a routine back surgery in June of 2008. Once he healed from the back surgery, 6 sessions of chemotherapy and 38 treatments of radiation began. He had much difficulty with these treatments because he never really got strong enough to heal or walk after the back surgery so he was in a wheelchair during all of his treatment time. When he finished his treatments in the fall of 2008, he began to have physical therapy, which did help him - once again he could walk and even got to drive a little - we were so happy! He had his scan/checkup with his oncologist one year ago today (in November)- we were told the cancer was gone. To say the least, we were so greatful to GOD, we had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas. In January I took my dad for another scan - still good news his Stage IV NSCLC was continuing to go away. Later that same day everything started to crash. Before I got home from taking him to his doctor's appointment, I had a call from his Dr.'s office telling me to bring him back immediatley - he had a blood clot in his chest. The doctor's office showed me how to give my dad shots to help with the blood clot, and he had medications and weekly office visits to check his progress. He developed a bad cough which we were told was probably a lasting effect from him having so much radiation. My dad's doctor said in January he was doing so well that he wouldn't need to be checked again until June - so even with the cough we thought everything was OK. Just after Easter of this year, one morning my dad couldn't walk, he couldn't even stand up. We called an ambulance and while at the hospital we found out the lung cancer had spread to his brain - his doctor said he could have radiation and would be OK - even to drive again. Once again we though everything was OK. My dad was in the hospital one week, had started to walk again and the day he was ready to go home - his doctor came to his room to show us the scan of his brain - I assumed that they also did a scan of his lungs as well and I kept waiting for them to tell us the results, when it became apparent they weren't going to - I then asked - to make a long story short - we waited another 2 hours before a nurse came in to tell us my dad's doctor would call us at home. When the doctor called he matter of factly told us my dad had 2 weeks to live or 3 months at most with chemotherapy (but with no quality of life). My dad choose to not go through any more chemo or radiation, it was just too painful. My dad earned his angel wings on June 9th, 2009 at 4:30 a.m. with me, my mom and his granddaughters by his side. My purpose in telling our story is to let you know that you should live every day to the fullest with your loved ones, and let them know just how precious they are to you. I am so thankful that GOD blessed me with the wonderful father I had, and I am so also thankful that he gave me the time he did with my dad, to be by his side and to be able to help him. Lung Cancer as well as any other cancer is a horrible disease and I pray for everyone who is dealing with it. May GOD bless you all.

indydorsey13
Posts: 38
Joined: Sep 2009

I truly appreciated your story...I just spent time today with my husband and the oncologist team. He has stage III-B lung cancer ( front of his heart, one lymph node,and one lung ).He starts the journey of radiation & chemo. Monday...inoperable ! The story of your journey did not end with remission on this earth, but it was a very good story... We often have to accept things that we do not want to accept such as said in the Serenity Prayer...Thank You and God Bless you...You have a good Spirit.
Dorsey

shereenjay's picture
shereenjay
Posts: 12
Joined: Sep 2009

Thanks all for such kind words..

After these few last days, I don't have the strength to write much. It has been a hard 3-4 months. I told my dad everything I could. I'm glad my last words to him were "I love you". I will never forget the child like look he gave me and said "I hope so". After we gave him pain meds, he fell into a sleep and never talked again.

He lost his battle yesterday November 18th at 8:23 somthing. Not sure of the time he took his last breath but I was there. I had the roughest night before that morning. I did not sleep well, I had terrible nightmares. Plus I just missed him. I felt his hand to only feel how cold he felt, and that was about all I could take.

Now I'm sitting here in this old, creepy quiet house, wondering where to go from here. I feel more alone than ever in my life. The second he died his children turned devilish and started shutting me out of everything. Wow, to say i toook care of their father and this is how I get treated? I know this has nothing to do with anything here, I just have no one else to tell this to.

Thanks again for the support and reading. And please no more "I'm Sorry" it makes losing him seem so much more worst. I can't lie I am pretty jealous of the survivors.
Out of all of this, I have came out sick with swine flu, ear infections, and catty childish family members. How lovely is this....

shereenjay's picture
shereenjay
Posts: 12
Joined: Sep 2009

Not to be rude but it seems as if people only offer support here if someone has cancer and after they die no one has nothing, no advice to offer?

shereenjay's picture
shereenjay
Posts: 12
Joined: Sep 2009

Not to be rude but it seems as if people only offer support here if someone has cancer and after they die no one has nothing, no advice to offer?

Subscribe to Comments for "My recently found out my uncle ( He raised me and is my dad) has lung cancer."